That’s why they’re called, the “better half”. 
Well, at least you had the good sense to marry a smart woman, dstark. Give you credit for that! 
@texaspg Yes, we’ve paid taxes on income from dividends.
I hate to admit that in some ways I can relate to Gabler’s POV, though I think his woes are entirely of his own making and a poor example of the struggles of the middle class.
@busdriver11 pointed out, it’s necessary to adapt quickly to changed circumstances. That is where I went wrong. Unexpected medical expenses from my battle with cancer, an associated decrease in my billable hours and a costly and ugly divorce changed my upper middle class life. What I should’ve done was to sell my house and adjust my lifestyle. Instead of making rational decisions, I made emotional ones. I didn’t want to further disrupt my children’s lives (or my own) so I stayed in my house and, for the most part, maintained my former life style. It doesn’t take long to rack up debt when you’re living above your means. And it didn’t help when the ex lost a six figure job and decided child support was optional.
I was fortunate to have lived a pretty charmed life up to that point. My friends and family were all well off. It was the only life I knew, and I was in denial that that life was gone. I realize now how stupid I was and how entitled that must seem.
Fast forward and I have remarried. People joke that my H is the original “Dave Ramsey.” He has been a good influence on me. I’m still learning (my weakness for spa days, nice clothes and champagne still surfaces occasionally- please don’t judge :), but I’m getting my financial house back in order.
Gabler needs to work on separating his self esteem from his possessions and lifestyle. Until he gives up the idea of the life he’s supposed to have and embraces the life he actually has, his financial woes will continue.
Are they actually rich, or are they overstretched by buying houses/etc. that are more expensive than they really can afford (like Gabler)?
That is a fantastic post. Good luck to you!
“Gabler needs to work on separating his self esteem from his possessions and lifestyle. Until he gives up the idea of the life he’s supposed to have and embraces the life he actually has, his financial woes will continue.”
A very wise statement @Overtheedge! Thank you for posting, and for sharing your story.
" There are tens of millions of Americans who struggle financially through no fault of their own and who deserve our sympathy and help.
Neal Gabler isn’t one of them."
Yup. That’s it.
We have in our family, including us, our kids, and our parents:
- disability
- one kid in and more going to college
- poverty
- elderly parents
- both parents laid off at various times
- both parents have to work
And when my kid went to middle school and they talked about “where did you go for summer vacation?” his answer was the next state. Everyone else’s was Europe, Asia, etc. Do you think all those people were in good straits financially? Doubt it.
We are confident that we do all we can to be in jobs that give good insurance, with less pay as necessary to get good insurance, and live frugally.
We go out for dinner occasionally. We go to a US destination we can drive to every other year.
Fact is, we sympathize with people like my MIL who was paid under the table for years = no Social Security. In her 70s with a few thousand dollars in a 401k (!). Nothing else. Struggles to pay her annual taxes, and we help her out as much as she allows us to.
But yes, Gabler is not one of the ones who should get our sympathy.
You know, I got a bird feeder, and I watch and take photos of birds in my spare time. I haven’t gone to an art gallery opening ever. Or a cocktail party since I was in college. Grow up, Neal.
OK… this is silly: going to an art gallery opening or a cocktail party is a sign of not having grown up? Being financially irresponsible? Is that what you’re saying?
I am trying to figure out those allusions as well.
In my experience, art gallery openings are free entertainment with free alcohol and snacks. Unlike many museums, where there are entrance fees.
Cocktail parties just depend on your social circle, in my opinion, but they are also free entertainment.
adding: okay - the entertainment value also probably depends on your particular social circle. It doesn’t take a whole lot to entertain me.
New commentary on NG’s article continues to come out. I find them interesting because they are written from others who face similar career circumstances in terms of the inconsistent paychecks and changing nature of journalism/writing. This one gave me a chuckle or two because it is written by a guy who is also a comedian:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nathan-timmel/neal-gabler-is-not-a-voic_b_9802810.html
Part of having some jobs requires a bit of socializing with clients and/or colleagues. We have done it, our kids do it. We don’t always pick the venue–it may be cocktails or a meal. It’s not necessarily anyone’s idea of “fun,” but it’s an unwritten part of work.
How would I know if they are actually rich or not? One of the worst worked for Goldman Sachs before the crash. He was in a nice part of our town, so the price he paid for his house was probably a good deal less than he’d have paid in Scarsdale. He only owed me a few hundred, but he wouldn’t pay it.
I’ve had 20 years owning my own business. My most drag-out-the payment offenders (same ones year…after year…after year) are at the upper end of my clientele. I’m doing their tax returns, so I know what they are making 
They are also the same clients who push time deadlines. Yet, somehow, the folks making $ 25,000-35,000 manage to pay quite timely. Grrr. Fries my cookies. No sympathies for these particular folks; they make $250,000 and continue to live paycheck to paycheck in an area where a nice house costs $100,000-150,000. Thankfully, it’s just a few. Sadly, I can’t fire them because I also have several of their extended family as clients.
Frankly, not a single person in the USA, including homeless, really know what “poor” means, not even close! People can whine as much as they want, but they live in nice apartments or even own houses, they drive cars and have cell phones and computers and even the poorest of the poor (including homeless and prisoners) who get sick will get the best health care in a world! Nobody will change my opinion about it.
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
I remember a series of articles in the Times that followed a homeless family in NY. From the opening paragraph of the first one:
http://www.nytimes.com/projects/2013/invisible-child/#/?chapt=1
Maybe photographers aren’t coming to the US to get pictures of vultures and toddlers mere feet apart, but there are definitely those who know what poverty is like. Sure, one population might be worse off than another, and there are certainly folks in sub-Saharan Africa who’d kill to have a mop bucket or a milk crate, but the debate over which group is “truly poor” mirrors recent spats between college protesters over which ethnic group is more underprivileged. I find both disagreements equally ridiculous, and equally beside the point.
Okay, @dstark --I’m going to try one more time.
I am not judging him for his choices. They are his. I am judging him for his article. It’s bad, damaging writing.
I think it’s important to see that there’s a difference.
Oh, and your wife sounds like a cool woman!
@garland, ok. You are the writer.
My wife is a good influence on me.
My parents’ generation had a predictable path to retirement. My father, for example, got a job for $14,000/year, bought a house they couldn’t really afford, lived frugally until my mother went back to work. His $14,000 salary ramped it’s way up, predictably, to a $60,000 salary and the house payment became about the same as the electric bill. Every dollar he put into retirement in those early years was worth about $25 at retirement.
My generation has had to modify on the fly, not based on the lessons of our parents’ experiences but on the capriciousness of the changing tides of our current economic conditions. Unless you have a job with cost-of-living adjustments, wages have been flat. I earn about the same as I did 20 years ago. I have been funding my retirement accounts, but the value today is worth only about 30% more than I have contributed. Many contemporaries have been cast adrift as their careers disappear and, in their 50s, are unable to secure anything more than menial positions.
It is popular to pile scorn on these people, to belittle them for their lack of foresight or planning, their inability to adapt. In the big picture, it is just a numbers game with more good people than good jobs, more losers than winners. The point barely spoken of in this 39 pages and counting is that there are 10s of millions of people in the same boat, hitting retirement age with few or no assets and will be a burden to their families and the taxpayers. What will we do with them, both individually and as a society?
Sorry to interrupt, go back to bashing Neal Gabler.
In addition to a legitimate middle class squeeze I think that ageism is a definite factor in the modern workplace. It has always been there to some degree but I think it is much more pronounced than it was in previous generations, and I don’t think I feel this way just because I, myself, am now a “woman of a certain age”.