<p>I received one yesterday that went on and on about the writer’s daughters attributes. How beautiful she is becoming, the way boys look at her, her intelligence and all of her academic accomplishments, on and on and on. My son was inspired to take a break from college essays to write a tongue-in-cheek letter in my voice that was quite amusing and for no one else’s eyes. There is a difference between filling friends in on the news and outright bragging.</p>
<p>I’ve gotten two so far this year. One was so full of B#$% about the great accomplishments of the son, “He is only applying to HYP” that I had to hide it so D wouldn’t feel bad. Can’t provide too much detail lest they recognize themselves ( I assume everyone is on CC). The other is from a retired couple who seem to do more traveling every year. It is wonderful, with photos of exotic places and detailed compassionate commentary on local people and politics. Gives me hope for the “golden years”…</p>
<p>@mimk6- Please post your son’s satire letter with names redacted!</p>
<p>Okay, momsquad here it is. Bear in mind this was dashed off in a few minutes after hours of agony on a college app essay. It’s meant to be tongue in cheek so please no one take offense!</p>
<p>I hope this letter finds you well. We’re anything but. Oh, of course DD is still excelling and DS1 is still athletic, but it looks as though DS3 and DS2 will simply have to quit school. Apparently a 42 on the MCAT and 2370 on the SAT (those are astronomical scores, in case you didn’t know) just don’t cut it—DS2 hasn’t gotten in to med school and DS3 was deferred from XXX. So I think DS3 will take his expected gap year to pursue his passion for eighteenth-century German novellas, and DS2 will take up astronomy.</p>
<pre><code> We’ve redecorated. Louis Quatorze. The family room is just exquisite—I would send a picture but we’re temporarily in between SLR cameras. DS3 thoroughly researched Versailles in establishing a design aesthetic, and is now conversant with French Enlightenment philosophy as a result. European history is his favorite subject, and I expect he’ll switch from German professor to archivist as his desired profession. How he’ll find a decent job in this economy I can’t exactly say—as it happens, have you been following this Trespass Wall Street movement?
Life’s a breeze. DH has been losing a lot of weight—the pounds just seem to slip off. We haven’t looked so great together in years. I myself have become a master yogi, but it is so hard while trying to keep up with my monthly book club. Just a sampling from this year’s list: War and Peace, the Magic Mountain, Madame Bovary—it goes on. I’m hosting the next meeting this month and am desperately searching for decent outfits for the help—I’m thinking togas since we just read the Orestia.
DH’s cichlids, I am happy to say, are “sleeping with the fishies” as they say. The stench while he cleaned out the aquaria was just atrocious, but hey—at least we can open the blinds to DS2’s bedroom for the first time in nearly twelve years. I think the sunlight will really bring out the silk wall covering we had put in a couple months ago. Lincrusta—we found the name while visiting the Rockefeller Vermont house during our trip there last year. They do brilliant work; we just might re-wallpaper the entire house.
For vacation this year we went to Martha’s Vineyard—alas, for the third time. There’s only so much I can take of seaside massages and wild lobster. Luckily we intend to visit Wales this summer. The language is barbaric but I’ve heard the atmosphere is quite salutary. I don’t quite know what I’ll get for souvenirs—rocks or something, since they have no economy as far as I know.
I’ve dabbled in painting. My self-portrait is coming along quite nicely. It’s almost like free airbrushing. Speaking of which, have you seen Helena’s neck? She has a wattle. Let’s just be merry that we shan’t have to see her at this year’s Christmas party.
Good tidings to all.
</code></pre>
<p>Bisous,
XXX</p>
<p>^ What? He couldn’t fit in a line about DS3 losing a perfect score on the SAT because he missed a question on the chemical properties of supercooled Roentgenium? “It was his first sitting though. Of course he’ll take take the test again!”</p>
<p>LOL! It’s perfect! I may just plagiarize parts of it for next year (the cichlid part was too close to the truth).</p>