Dad is kicking me out in July (when I turn 18)?

Paying for College
61

<p>Starbucks - I think you have arrived at your best solution. It sounds as though you and your family can make the state school work financially. Go to state U., work on your relationship with your dad.</p>

<p>Many parents have encouraged their kids to “shoot for the moon” when it comes to college only to find at the 11th hour that they can’t pay for it and scholarships aren’t nearly enough. If something like this is indeed going on in your family dynamic it would certainly explain why emotions, and overreaction to what otherwise might have been just a small bump in the road to adulthood, turned into something much more hurtful and dramatic.</p>

<p>You will no doubt meet many other talented students at State U. who are well qualified to attend more expensive universities but chose not to for financial reasons.</p>

<p>Best of luck - be glad you have a great university available to you!</p>

62

<p>Came late to this thread but just have to agree with those who are shocked to see the punitive attitude toward the OP. We have NO information to guess what her ‘lie’ was, but unless she lied about smuggling nuclear material into Iran I don’t think her father is justified in punishing her by ruining her life.</p>

<p>I assume he will calm down and you will find out what the real problem is (he’s angry and quite possibly worried about the cost of college even with such a great FA package, but beyond that we can’t know.) As calm returns, you can be calm and try to help. There’s probably something you can honestly apologize for, and some issues you can look to understand better…meanwhile you are pursuing the state school possibility. </p>

<p>If cooler heads don’t prevail…then I’d suggest counseling. But I hope this is a blip and you’ll be off to Wellesley with some issues resolved with your father.</p>

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<p>In case you were all wondering. I omitted the list of people I was talking to on Facebook. I was supposed to be offline at 10:30 and it was 10:50. I told my dad I was comforting my distressed best friend (true) but failed to list out the other people I was talking to.</p>

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<p>I still believe that the “punishment” is about the money and dad is trying to save face so he does not feel that he has “failed” you as a parent. </p>

<p>I think it is easier for him to come off as this ogre who won’t allow you to go to your college and admitting that they really cannot swing the 4 years at Wellesley despite the encouragement, the support or perhaps even the push they gave to you when it came to applying.</p>

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<p>“Since you have strong stats, I would write a VERY polite letter to the Director of Scholarship at WSU and say that you’d really like to attend, but affordability is an issue. Ask if it’s possible for them to increase your merit scholarship a bit. If they would bump your merit to $11k, that would cover tuition and fees. Indicate that if they do this, you will surely commit to attend. Explain that you will be paying for all of your college costs.”</p>

<p>WHAT???
WSU hasn’t even finished with their admissions and scholarship process and many kids with higher stats and more need than OP are still waiting for their awards - or the rest of their awards beyond the 4k automatic. So, you would have her rob Peter to pay Paul just because she got in a fight with her dad? It’s not like WSU has an unlimited pot of money. How about dad pays the remaining 6.5k?</p>

66

<p>Oh my goodness. Your dad threatened to kick you out for Facebook??? Good grief. You need to make sure you are financially stable yourself and you don’t have to rely on him for anything if he will pull out the rug from you for something so inconsequential. I might take away your Facebook privileges for a week, but threaten to kick you out??? Of course no one in our family has a Facebook page anyway… so it is a mute point. Good luck.</p>

67

<p>Thanks for clearing that up, OP. If your Dad wasn’t just exaggerating in the heat of the moment, he has some issues. Your friendships are your own, and anyone who would deny you a college education you’ve clearly earned on the basis of a tiny transgression is…in need of some help. If you can get some family counseling it might help sort things out. He may well have some money problems, in which case Wellesley may, sadly, be beyond reach. But that’s an unfortunate reality, not something you’re to blame for!</p>

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<p>To quote OP from original thread:
"My parents have a very small amount in their bank account after all bills are taken care of. They give a lot of their money to the church and relatives. Childcare for both my younger siblings cost a lot. They barely have enough money to put into retirement. Therefore, they aren’t able to give a lot, or any, money to my college education. </p>

<p>To top it off, they believe that it’s my education and therefore I should find a way to pay for it. Both my parents were immigrants and started off with nothing, so they’re kind of tough in that aspect." </p>

<hr>

<p>So dad is a social worker who will threaten to kick kid out over mild facebook incident and mom is a loan processor. Dad gives lots of money to family and church and is an immigrant. At risk of sounding like a tea party advocate instead of the bleeding heart liberal that I usually sound like - I think dad is working the system. We live in the same area and there are many Russian and Asian immigrants who came to the US under the auspices of ‘religious freedom for Pentacostal or other conservative protestant Christians from communist countries’ category. There are also many immigrants who escaped from Vietnam and send money home still to family members who didn’t get out. My kids go to school with and are friends with many kids who’s parents fall into one of these groups and the kids are often high achieving, Americanized students whose parents push like the best of the tiger parents and are very socially restrictive - No Harry Potter, no dating, etc. In many cases there is a culture of working the system for any and all public aid (communist society/refugee holdover). I am not saying that OP is doing this, but it is not unlikely that mom and dad are.</p>

<p>I will be happy to lay off if corrected and this does not fall at least close to home, but I still take issue with the idea that OP should get more public aid from WSU (in a cash strapped state university system) because her dad would rather give money to his church than chip in for D’s education. She could still likely live at home and go to U of W for less than WSU if it comes to that.</p>

69

<p>It’s difficult to think the OP neglected to include what a ridiculously mild situation caused the flare up with Dad in her initial description.</p>

<p>The reaction of the father, as described, is the reaction of a seriously disturbed/unbalanced person. It’s very tough to believe this is an isolated incident if this is truly the case. </p>

<p>The OP’s expectation of college funding seems to be completely out of sync with this situation. There are clearly major pieces missing from this scenario.</p>

<p>I think the relationship between StarbucksBarista and her dad may be beyond hope at this point in time. </p>

<p>Either he is seriously unbalanced, if her description is accurate, or she is in complete denial and framing the situation to paint him as a lunatic. </p>

<p>In either case, IMHO, there is no hope without professional counselling between the two.</p>

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<p>Very interesting saintfan! No idea whether it’s on the mark for OP or not, but interesting. Still, I think WSU can make the decision about FA all by itself and that OP is justified in asking for more.</p>

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<p>"The reaction of the father, as described, is the reaction of a seriously disturbed/unbalanced person. It’s very tough to believe this is an isolated incident if this is truly the case. " - quote from maikai</p>

<p>This looks, actually, perfectly normal for many immigrant and/or traditional conservative religious communities of any persuasion. If dad is giving lots of money to family and church OP likely comes from a tradition where honoring one’s parent and elders takes precedence over logic. This is not at all unusual, and still no grounds for the state to pony up with more aid. Private scholarships and private schools might be better suited to adjust based on these circumstances as they see fit, but in my view a public institution which has already given very generous merit aid compared to normal WA state standards should not be asked for more. OP’s grades and test scores are not even “tippy top”, as people say.</p>

72

<p>SB: I agree with what many people have already said. You certainly need to own up to your 'omissions". Thats what growing up is all about but enough about that.</p>

<p>My niece went through a very similiar situation. Her parents are divorced. Her dad pays child support. Has been in her life and was somewhat involved in the college process. I say somewhat only because she lived with her mom and any way you cut it the mom is just around more to hear and be a part of the daily occurences. Her dad wanted her to go to a prestigious college. He even took her on college road trips. But when the acceptances rolled in, along with the tuition bills, he was a bit shocked. Why? I’m not sure. I can only say that many of us have been there. Its just something about the reality of it that just hits you like a brick wall. So then he turned around and said that he thought his child support payments would cover his part of the costs. He was under the ‘false’ impression that nothing changes for him when she went off to college. Big Mistake! Then when my niece spoke to him he basically told her that she would have to just consider going to a state school. After all, thats what he did. My sister tried speaking to him but he just got nasty. So it was off to court they went. He lost. He was ordered to pay approximately 3/4 of the bill along with $1000 in airline fees each year. And the judge was annoyed that he thought he shouldn’t be contributing. </p>

<p>This is not a topic you should be discussing with your dad. Its a parental issue. Have your mom speak to him. If he is still not willing to support you then your mom has no other choice but to take him to court. Its his partental duty to support you through your college years. Whether he likes it or not. Whether you’re a liar or not. He doesn’t get to pick and chose these things, even if in the original custody hearing college expenses weren’t included that can ammended. In the eyes of the law children can’t be penalized because parents are acting foolish or immature themselves. I’m sorry for your dad. As a parent I know how tough it is to see these tutition bills be placed in front of us but ultimately its for your parents to deal with. Especially since they encouraged you and apparently are educated themselves. So they aren’t dumb and they knew ahead of time the costs envolved. The reality is just very painful. But we all go through it and it can be done. Everyone just has to sacrafice…And you need to mature and learn to communicate better with your dad.</p>

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<p>^In many ways, I love that judge, just for giving a deadbeat a punitive decision ;)</p>

<p>However, the law cannot order a regular, married set of parents to pay for private college, so I’m not precisely certain how said judge could order that guy to pony up 3/4 of a prestigious school plus airfare unless there was some kind of argument based on income and educational history, eg. private hs, that same would be usual and customary.</p>

<p>Parents do not “owe” their children $200,000 worth of post-secondary education.
Period :wink:
And therein lies the problem here, I suspect.
Champagne taste, beer pocketbook.<br>
And a lot of noise and fury over a facebook lie to cover the difference.</p>

<p>OP, I am willing to bet that as others have suggested, your dad does not want to lose face. Cut him some slack and make plans that he can afford to participate in. He is probably heartbroken that YOU’RE heartbroken, if you know what I mean.</p>

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<h2>“Since you have strong stats, I would write a VERY polite letter to the Director of Scholarship at WSU and say that you’d really like to attend, but affordability is an issue. Ask if it’s possible for them to increase your merit scholarship a bit. If they would bump your merit to $11k, that would cover tuition and fees. Indicate that if they do this, you will surely commit to attend. Explain that you will be paying for all of your college costs.”</h2>

<p>WHAT???
WSU hasn’t even finished with their admissions and scholarship process and many kids with higher stats and more need than OP are still waiting for their awards - or the rest of their awards beyond the 4k automatic. So, you would have her rob Peter to pay Paul just because she got in a fight with her dad? It’s not like WSU has an unlimited pot of money. How about dad pays the remaining 6.5k?</p>

<hr>

<p>WSU has very likely determined what merit awards are being offered at this point. And, yes, I’ve helped many kids get a few extra thousand from various schools for their strong stats to make the school affordable. It really isn’t a situation of robbing peter to pay paul.</p>

<p>I didn’t suggest asking for a free ride…just a few more thousand. If you think that WSU merit offerings are “to the dollar”…then you don’t understand how these things work. If schools had to worry that much about a few thousand, then they wouldn’t be able to offer ANY merit until after acceptances. Yet, schools will throw out X merit awards knowing that about .3 X or so will accept. They can’t know “to the dollar”, since they don’t know exactly how many will accept.</p>

<p>GPA: 3.98 UW (8 AP classes, 5 honor classes)
SAT: 2170 (670 CR, 780 M, 720 W)</p>

<p>For WSU, her stats are very strong…certainly strong enough for the school to consider increasing merit by a few thousand in order to become affordable.</p>

<p>SAT Critical Reading: 470 - 580<br>
SAT Math: …480 - 600
SAT Writing:… 460 - 560</p>

<p>As for the dad paying…Of course the dad should be paying, but that’s nothing this child can control. And, since the parents were never married, we have no idea if her mere existence has always been a thorn in his side and he’s been looking for reasons to shut down his checkbook. </p>

<p>frankly, with a dad like this one, the OP needs a situation where she never has to rely on his payment because surely there will various times within the next 4 years that the dad will deem that she’s not been 100% honest with him…which few college kids are with their parents. At any point, he could pull his checkbook.</p>

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<p>She has 6k per year merit already. If you want WSU to cover tuition and fees you’re asking them to kick in another $4,798 each year, or a bit north of 19k all told. I wouldn’t call that “just a few thousand more” when talking about a public university.</p>

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<p>kmcmom: Needless to say every situation is different. In the case of my niece, you are correct her dad does very well (dr.) but the fact is that dad’s can’t just walk away and say they won’t be paying for college. Perhaps he will have to come up with $5k or $10K or $2k but the fact is that he has to contribute to her college years and then she has to determine from there what is affordable, but the idea that he can just turn around and say “I’m not paying” is not acceptable, unless he is completely broke, unemployed etc. Otherwise the judge is going to make him contribute something. His financial obligations aren’t over until she is out of undergrad.</p>

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<p>KMC, the judges in many (but not most states) do have the power to order divorced parents to pay for college, and as to how expensive, they are supposed to take into account a number of things, including parent’s assets, income, child’s ability. Its not rocket science. When people get divorced, decisions regarding children are frequently made by courts. Like who they live with. Thats life. If you dont want court telling you what to do, work it out yourself or dont get divorced.</p>

<p>There was a dentist in my town, who left his wife and 3 kids, one special needs. Told the judge he couldnt afford child support or college, lost $3Million gambling. The judge told him to sit in jail till he could figure it out. He figured it out.</p>

<p>Yes, divorced parent may decide his priorities do not include his kids college. In some states, he can be told to re-priortize.</p>

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<p>Yes, in all honesty I was a bit surprised too. Granted my niece’s dad makes good money but so does her mom. The funny thing is they were still given 20K in finaid. Since my sister was responsible for $20k of the bill she actually doesn’t pay a penny and the rest is for him to pay. I’m not saying i agree and considering that their combined incomes is triple mine and I get no finaid at all, I really don’t get it. But the bottomline is that the kids don’t suffer because the adults couldn’t make it work!!! I think this guy should reconsider. I’m pretty sure he will not win if it goes to court…</p>

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<p>I believe that OP’s parents were never married.</p>

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<p>Saintfan quote:</p>

<p>“She has 6k per year merit already. If you want WSU to cover tuition and fees you’re asking them to kick in another $4,798 each year, or a bit north of 19k all told. I wouldn’t call that “just a few thousand more” when talking about a public university.”</p>

<p>According to the OP she has a $8k per year scholarhip…not $6k</p>

<p>"In the mean time, I am applying for many scholarships. I recently received $8,000 from Washington State University. I think that worst comes the worst, I will only have to pay $12,000 a year. $5,500 Stafford loan will help with that and the remaining $6,500 I will cover using outside scholarship money and money I make from my job at Starbucks. ?</p>

<p>I was suggesting that she try for about $3k more per year…which is a few thousand more.</p>

<p>:rolleyes:</p>