@B1ggreenca and CottonTales - thanks for your kind responses
How did āDartmouth cause[] [him] to believe that effacing my differences was the key to surviving hereā?
Iām sorry that he apparently struggled in his first two years; Iām glad that āremembering what [he] left behind ā¦ enabled [him] to truly enjoy being [himself] here[.]ā
Such a good question, AboutTheSame. I wouldnāt say that this essay articulates all the details of his experience nor his reasoning. I also donāt want to speak for him at any length in this setting. Itās probably a bit facile for him to construct that sentence to suggest that Dartmouth was a sole or direct cause of his social choices.
Isnāt that part of why we go to college, @NorCalTootsie ? To ask questions? I hope I did not come across as insensitive. D struggled in year 2. Many late night phone calls [later for her than us, obviously]. Many [ineffective] visits to health services to deal with insomnia. And now we have a happily married grad student who can look back at good and bad choices. Hugs to you and your son.
Oh no, Iāve seen enough of your contributions to this group to know you were not insensitive at all. Iām glad your daughter is doing well. Nothing compares to watching our kids suffering, just as nothing compares to watching them settle into their lives with meaning and joy.
I read this piece when it came out a few days ago and have been thinking about it since. Though I didnāt struggle in the same way in my first 2 years in college, I remember trying to fit into new social groups and be someone different than myself. But I was mainly thinking about the writerās parents. Watching my kids suffer (as they do from time to time in these years) and trying to help is much harder emotionally than I had anticipated. Some days, I feel I need to go into therapy myself to have the courage to be the parent I want to be. Itās great to read that your son is doing so much better, and that you were able to help him get there.
@liska21 Thanks for your supportive reply. I agree, watching our kids suffer is incredibly painful. Iām a therapist myself, but that doesnāt inoculate me! The experiences our son describes in this column caused us to re-evaluate our parenting constantly. Weāve settled into a place that we feel has integrity and value, and it required us to accept the limits of our power and influence. Wishing you the very best.
Hi All - how is everyone doing with the COVID 19 situation at Dartmouth?
Picked up daughter yesterday for break and we are headed out west tomorrow morning as we are moving over break. Of course she is super sad to leave and worried they will cancel spring term classes.
Iām lucky in that my son graduated last year, but his girlfriend is currently a senior and wondering how they are going to handle those expecting to graduate in June? Thatās got to be a special challenge for the administration! I told him for once his procrastination paid off, he hadnāt yet bought his plane ticket to attend her graduation ceremony!
The entire quarter, as you probably know, is now going to be conducted online via distance learning. And commencement ceremonies may or may not happen in person this year. My son, a '20, decided to defer his final quarter and change his D plan. Instead of attending online this spring, he will finish his Dartmouth education during Winter 21. Itās a surreal adjustment, but his reasoning is sound, and we support it. Heās still hoping to audit a couple of the classes this spring as he works on his summer and fall planning. Iām glad he made it home (we live in California); having his stuff locked up in his room on campus is a bit inconvenient, but itās the least of our worries. My sympathies go out to everyone.