I do think I could say what jm626 suggests “I really enjoy our time together…” although I think he knows that. Unfortunately, I spent most of Valentine’s Day flying to the opposite coast for work, so no fun involved.
For a man of that generation I think he understood that an invitation to your home for dinner was a message you would enjoy some private time with him. In my mind, the flowers were a romantic gesture on his part. Surprised that evening ended without at least a kiss goodnight.
I would just give him a little more time, but agree you could give him some subtle encouragement in case he is reluctant because of the last relationship. If you are watching TV slide a little closer or take his arm when you are walking to a restaurant or movie. He actually sounds very sweet @Anxiousmom1 - hope it works out!
Watching this thread closely . . . Though I have no prospects yet.
Then say “I really enjoy our time together.” I like that. Hold his gaze while you say it.
If this works out, I am taking credit! :O)
So…, this thread is sort of demonstrating what I don’t like about women. (And I am one). Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t play coy, but don’t be so pushy he is intimidated. By now he knows if he is interested or not. Just ask him. Be ready with a response either way.
(Sorry… didn’t mean to be a thread killer…)
Have a drink! Even if he does not. Loosen things up. put some happy music on and then tell the truth.
And if he just wants to be friends then ask if he has any male friends available.
He is NOT going to stop being buddies with you just because you ask–promise!
Just be nice and no guilt trip.
You will either become more or you will be better friends. win win
More to the point, put on some classic bosss nova music. Universal language for “Let’s move this to the next level”
Here’s a start:
Let’s come up with a playlist for the next dinner party! In addition to Aguas de Marcos (above), how about:
Carla Bruni,
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zwLtCTAqIUA
Seu Jorge, Cover of Rebel Rebel
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GzkXuHu-xYc
John Coltrane and Johnny Hartmann, My One And Only Love
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sCpIuw_ZKEI
If he doesn’t get the hint after all that, then I’d say he’s not interested! (Sorry intparent!)
I disagree about being too direct in this situation. OP said they are both a bit shy, and if she says something and he doesntt feel the same way, it could make for an awkward situation and potentially damage the friendship. She can tiptoe into the shallow end without diving into the deep end. It’s fine to put a feeler out and see what kind of response it might get. Don’t be so subtle tht it goes over his head, but saying something llike I suggested above, or even a more direct “I really enjoy our time together- do you see it going any further?” If that doesn’t feel too uncomfortable, might be worth considering.
He brought you flower for dinner! I think that is a clue. I also ended up with a shy man. Even though we were just teenagers, I had to do the major flirting to draw him out…and well worth it.
I wouldn’t just ask him, and I don’t think that is playing games. He hasn’t asked you either.
I like the idea of when you are walking, putting your hand in the crock of his arm. You know how too subtly flirt. If you keep doing this over and over with no response, then you probably have your answer.
There’s also the possibility – given that you’re not teenagers any more – that he may be concerned about physical difficulties in the intimacy department. He might have erectile dysfunction or he might be aware that postmenopausal women can have sexual issues.
She’s dating at 60. The music choices above would make me think I was dating a 75-80 year old. Pretty music, but it’s just so “old” sounding!
intparent, I don’t see why you think this is a “women” thing. Neither of them is willing to take the first big step. And I’m a woman and said I’d bust out and ask. OP isn’t being coy; she’s shy and isn’t comfortable being as direct as some of us are.
Have you looked into his eyes (beyond normal conversational contact)?
Antonio Jobim and Elis Regina – old? John Coltrane – old? Cool Brazilian covers of David Bowie songs from a Wes Anderson movie – old??
You’re breaking my heart!
(I do admit the Carla Bruni song is not very “cool” but I’ve always thought it was pretty sexy.)
Yeah, it makes me think of an old smoky club - the kind frequented by my parents’ generation :-). But that’s ok. You seduce your way and I’ll seduce mine!!
Well, to me Bossa Nova is timeless. My kids listen to it.
@Pizzagirl What would be on your seduction playlist, then?
I like much of the suggested playlists, but given that our first"date" was at an iconic rock venue I do think it skews a little old.
There is much good food for thought here. As I sit in work meetings today I’ll consider my follow up thoughts/questions.