Re advocating for your kids, feather ruffling, HS teacher competence, etc.
DS got an IB diploma, but he took APUSH. The teacher didn’t understand the neurologist’s Rx post-concussion, and seemed to feel that if DS wasn’t flat on his back, he was okay. He got a non-A grade (B?, B+?), but DS covered his butt and soothed his pride by getting a 5 on the AP test and a 780 on the SAT Subject Test. When asked by the GC about it, he could honestly say it wasn’t completely fair, and (without having seen her recommendation), I’m sure that his approach at least informed her view of him, whether or not a specific explanation of the grade made it into her rec.
DS had an IB math teacher who was past his “best used by” date. IB Math is pretty basic in any case, my son was taking math courses at Columbia on the weekends, and this teacher had a chip on his shoulder to boot. DS and I had many conversations about the line between maintaining self-respect and being insolent. I finally called the IB coordinator/principal, who told me that the school prefers that students resolve issues themselves. I reminded him that DS had fended for himself over the years, that it was my first call ever, and that I had MY personal line when I thought a teacher was abusing his authority and bullying my kid. The principal took that at face value, mediated a discussion between DS and teacher, and they had a mutually respectful conclusion of the school year. It was the teacher’s last year before retirement and perhaps his patience had worn thin.
The kids went to a private school that had two distinct teacher cohorts. A good number of teachers had had succesful careers (Wall St., Bell Labs, etc) or were otherwise financially independent. They were teaching because they wanted to give back, found it interesting, or needed something besides golf to fill the hours. They were, without exception, inspirational teachers. The other cohort, those who needed the paycheck, were also mostly excellent. It was a private school, so the pay wasn’t great, but most of them enjoyed the freedom, the generally high caliber of students, the small classes, etc. But, there were a few that had come to resent what they saw as spoiled, indulged, entitled students and teachers; they were a hot mess, made even worse by the freedom that worked so well for the others.
In the end, all turned out fine. DS got into his first choice, Yale, in spite of his far from perfect GPA. I am convinced that he was accepted based on his LoRs, which I like to think highlighted his “non grade grubbing” nature. I am convinced that in parenting HS students, less is more when dealing with the school, except in cases of teachers abusing their authority.