<p>The folks in these places really do work hard from what I have observed and I doubt the pay is that great. That is one of the reasons it is so important for family members to thank the staff for taking good care of your loved one if indeed they are doing a good job(and of course concerns also have to be addressed if there are any) .We often bring treats to share when we visit. I agree that it is helpful to interact with the staff that provides the day to day care and show that multiple family members care ,not just the primary contact. As well as some staff turnovers, the management and owners of the facility can also change. My MIL has been in a continuing care place since 2002-first in independent living, then in assisted living and now in their locked memory unit.There have been three different owners so far. None of this is easy .</p>
<p>worknprogress2, I identify so much with what you posted about your parents. My mother lived with us for ten years, and the last couple, my dealings with her were much as you described. Unfortunately, I am not a teacher, and impatient to boot, so my frustration often won out over my patience. </p>
<p>I would have to explain things repeatedly and in simplistic terms, and she would get mad at me for talking to her like a child. She didn’t understand or see the cognitive function she had lost. Plus she was pretty deaf at that point too. I wish I had looked into assisted living, she probably would have been happier. She was with her family, but was alone for much of the day. And was angry and frustrated much of the time because every day things were sometimes beyond her comprehension.</p>
<p>Sorry to hijack the thread.</p>
<p>AS for fauxmaven, I agree with others that have said you should have the right to ask basic questions, that certainly would not interfere with the primary contact’s directives. Or you could ask the case manager.</p>
<p>Oh, Martina - believe me, my training and experience seem to go out the window when I am in the middle of something with my folks. And BECAUSE of my training and experience I feel worse because I think I should be able to do this with more tenderness in my voice.</p>
<p>My dad is the tougher of the two. He is just capable enough to talk a good game, but his judgement has gone out the window. He is also stubborn (always has been), frugal bordering on cheap, and chauvinistic. A potent combination. Growing up, he was Archie Bunker to my Gloria. On the worst of days, somehow our exchanges can deteriorate into our standoffs of the 70’s.</p>
<p>My fervent prayer is that he doesn’t die after one of these exchanges and I feel guilty for the rest of my life. It would be just like that son of a gun to arrange it! I do love him and I KNOW that even though he acquiesces to my brother, he actually loves me very much and in a crazy sort of way I think I am the favored child.</p>
<p>Servmom, I can’t imagine how difficult each transition must have been. As I read your post I was filled with such sadness. Thanks for being willing to share in this forum.</p>
<p>All the training in the world really does not necessarily prepare us for some of this stuff when we are dealing with our frail, elderly parents living into their late 80’s and into their 90’s. This is becoming more commonplace in our generation and I do fear what many of our children will be dealing with down the line. I’m an LCSW myself(but not practicing now) but found myself very unprepared to deal with the emotional and physical demands of dealing with my mom’s issues. The demands can be great,especially with trying to keep someone in their home, and it is very easy to become frustrated. Take care of yourselves and no need to feel guilty. We just all are doing our best.</p>
<p>Thanks,worknprogress, My 91 year old MIL is very special to me. She has been very accepting and wonderful- a very gracious lady. It has been very difficult to see such a wonderful person go through these stages.
My mom had good health until age 81 and then it was one thing after another after that for her last years.My mother was able to live at home with my sister until her death in July but it was very stressful(and involved many trips back home to help) so please take care. It is a difficult road many times navigating all of this.</p>
<p>Fostering a good relationship with the staff is important. It’s not so much that the parents get better care if the staff knows the family. It’s that the staff is more likely to communicate with families they know. You’re going to know about problems as they develop, rather than after they’ve gotten big.</p>
<p>My parents are going to sign papers next week to move to an independent— assistant living center.</p>
<p>They just don’t have the strength anymore to live on their own.</p>
<p>They used to live over an hour away…and now they will be 10 minutes away…and that is one of the arguments my brother and I used to get our parents to do this.</p>
<p>One of the bigger issues was driving. My parents should no longer drive and this move will end their driving because they will no longer have a car. I am sure others have the same concerns about their parents driving.</p>
<p>sewhappy, you are absolutely correct- sometimes if you bring it up with the home that you are willing to take the risk it is given. there is no substitute. unfortunately govt regs require a plan to decrease or get rid of antipsychotics. very frustrating for patient, family and care givers.</p>