Dear parents: A perspective on the pros & cons of having your child stay at home for college

One option when a student attends a nearby college that is mainly residential is to live on campus the first year, if that is financially doable. First year on campus at a college that is mainly residential may have some academic and social advantages. However, many students at mainly residential colleges live off campus in later years, so such advantage of living on campus is less in later years, so a student who wants to save money can return home and commute in the later years.

If there was one way to do it, we’d all be doing it that way. Isn’t it nice that there are higher education models that can accomodate all types of students and their financial and personal realities? I was a commuter for 6 years, because that is the only way my parents and I could afford college for me, the first college graduate in my family. My husband was a commuter for 3, lived on campus for 2, because he got his AA at community college while working full time, and then transferred to a 4-year school hours away from home to get his bachelor’s. Our daughter is living on/near campus for her entire college career, because we can afford for her to and because she’s an only child that needs to be out of her comfort zone to grow and mature. All 3 of us have turned out fine (so far).

When I did my undergraduate at Hebrew U, anybody who lived in the city lived at home, since the dorms were a for STEM campus were old British barracks from WWII, no heating system, so kerosene heaters were supplied, but electric heaters were banned, no AC, and no insulation, and rent elsewhere was unbelievably expensive. So, after 3 years in the army, I moved back home for 3 years. It was a good thing that tuition was extremely low ($1,900 a year in today’s dollars).

I went on to do an MS and a PhD, so I guess that it worked.

I don’t want to “keep an eye on my college student’s studies and school/work balance.” This is part of being an adult.

I am always here to listen to my college student’s concerns and offer guidance if needed but he is an adult now. This is his responsibility. Not mine.

I think you’re making a lot of erroneous assumptions. In my experience students commute because their families can’t afford the luxury of residential college, not because they want to monitor their “study, social, work, life balance.” If the statements below reflect your behavior in high school then the reasons your parents might have objected to sending you to residential college have little to do with your list of pros and cons.

Going away to college is a privilege and NOT a right. Even going to college at all is a privilege. Most 18 year olds in this country don’t go to college
most 18 year olds are already working and self-sufficient and college isn’t even a thought


Also, if an 18 year old wants to be treated like an adult, they should act like one first. And maybe that includes realizing that sometimes mom and dad don’t have the money to send you away to college and you have to live at home
yes, it’s hard, but that’s life


“As much as I miss my kids, I don’t want them to stay home for college. By age of 18, it’s time for them to spread their wings.”

Kids could spread their wings by supporting themselves and getting a job. All the people I know who lived at home during college, were self-supporting as in they paid for everything themselves. Most the the kids I know these days, including my kids, who went away for college, were mostly supported by their parents
as in mom and dad paid for most of their stuff


Including food, utilities, commuting costs, etc. while living with parents? These cost more than $0, though typically less than what it would cost for the student to live in his/her own.

Decades ago, it was more possible for a student to self support living on his/her own with a high school graduate job and pay the small state university tuition and books costs to attend. Now, of course, high school graduate jobs do not pay as much relative to the cost of living, college costs a lot more, and college financial aid assumes that the parents will pay until the student is 24, married, or a military veteran.

@ucbalumnus wrote: Including food, utilities, commuting costs, etc. while living with parents? These cost more than $0, though typically less than what it would cost for the student to live in his/her own."

I was talking about when I went to college. In our affluent area I don’t know many kids who commuted to college. Only 1 and she comes from a family without a ton of money
and she worked since she was about 14
so she was pretty self sufficient from an early age. I don’t know if she pays for utilities though


I guess what I meant to say was that the kids I know/have known who lived at home and commuted to college, were paying their own tuition and a lot/most of their own expenses, whereas the kids I know (especially these days) who went away to college, had most or all of their expenses covered by their parents


When living with parents, there is an implicit parental subsidy unless the parents charge for food, utilities, etc., even though the parents and students often do not think of it as a “cost” (since it is a continuation of spending on the student like when s/he was in high school and is not in one line item in the household budget).

Yeah. I think the people I know who commuted tended to come from families with less money