@tpike12 instead of saying “if only she were black or Latina, she would have been a lock” you might just as easily say “if only she had won XYZ award in addition to her other accomplishments” or “if only she had been born disabled” or “if only she had also had some unusual skill like maybe juggling.” You can cherry-pick whatever magical quality you think would have put your kid over the top into “accepted” territory; you can focus on that and wallow in your resentment.
But what is the statistical likelihood that your kid would have turned out exactly as she did – same terrific grades and scores, same great extracurriculars, same drive to excel, same luck of the draw that didn’t cause her to experience any of the various disadvantages (mental, physical, emotional) that many teens suffer from?
Most likely, if your kid had been born black or Latina, she would not have had the same socioeconomic advantages your kid has had. Sure, maybe she would have been born into a family with your same financial resources; maybe she would have been lucky enough to live in a community that would accept her and not put burdens on her due to her skin color. Of course those kids exist. But there’s also the chance that if she had been born a racial minority, she wouldn’t have had the same advantages she’s had. Her grades might have suffered if her family couldn’t afford internet service so she could do her online homework at home; her extracurriculars might have been less exciting if her parents couldn’t pay for sports equipment or if she had to be home right after school every day to watch her younger siblings so her mom could go to her part-time job. Then how likely would her admission to an Ivy be?
Just please, stop comparing your kid to a hypothetical version of her that’s exactly the same except her last name is Garcia or her skin is dark. That doesn’t do either you or her any good.