depressed, insecure, and directionless

fortheroses · December 30, 2011, 2:03pm

I am a second-year political science student at a pretty good (top 50) public university. I’m a decent student with a 3.8 cumulative GPA. I had a job as a writing tutor this last semester and I have an on-campus internship set up for next semester. I self-studied a language and tested out of four semesters of it and studied abroad this past summer in the country where the language is spoken.

but still I’m just so unhappy and I feel I have no direction… I can count my acquaintances on one hand and we don’t share any interests, so on my birthday this year I sat alone in my apartment watching reruns on TV Land and eating ice cream. I never really do anything with anyone outside of the couple of clubs I’ve forced myself into. I’ve been depressed for a long time but this year it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at myself in the mirror or it ruins my day.

Besides all that personal stuff, even though I have a somewhat high GPA and a few ECs under my belt, I feel like a horrible student. This past year I could hardly bring myself to get anything done before the last minute. I have NO personal relationships with any of my professors, so I’m really concerned about getting good LORs in the future. It’s so hard for me to speak up in class or approach my professors. I also just feel like a generic lazy deadbeat liberal arts student… I don’t study nearly as much as people I know that are in natural sciences, engineering, business, etc. - but I still have mostly A’s.

Another thing (ugh, this is turning into a disorganized rant - my apologies) is that I came in with enough credits/tested out of enough to be at least a second-semester sophomore. I’m now a “senior.” With that in mind, my parents are pushing me through college, excited about the possibility of me graduating spring 2013 or before then. During the second semester of last year, they asked me if I had been thinking about grad school and chastised me for not having a “plan.” They have also put a huge guilt trip on me about money. I TOTALLY understand that I am not entitled to their money, but they have paid very little for my education so far. Last year, I had free tuition and fees and earned more than enough outside scholarships to cover the cost of room and board. This year I have enough scholarships to cover my entire tuition, though living has been a bit more expensive because I live by myself in an apartment (still, I pay for my own internet, phone bill, electricity and so on).

Whenever I say that I don’t KNOW yet if I even want to go to grad school right away, they tell me dismissively that my only option with a BA in political science would be to move back home and drive a water truck or work in the oil business (read: my parents are small-town Texans). They both have bachelor’s degrees, so they’re not uninformed about how college works. But they keep telling me that it doesn’t matter what you get a master’s in - as long as you just get the master’s - and that it doesn’t really matter if you are passionate about what you’re studying in grad school. I see their point - people with polisci degrees aren’t exactly in high demand right now. But at this point I don’t even have a CLUE as to what I want to do after I’m done with school. I’ve read that it’s advisable to have some sort of narrative when applying to grad school, some sort of common thread that ties together everything you did during undergrad. I don’t know if I really like what I’m studying or if I’m just going through the motions, and them putting so much pressure on me to “just get the degree already” is pushing me into a quarter-life crisis. Like I said, I don’t even really know any professors at my school yet. What on earth am I going to do when I need letters of recommendation to get into grad school? There’s so much I would like to do - spend a semester in DC, study abroad for a semester, research, honors thesis - but I don’t want to disappoint my parents by not graduating as soon as they would like. Right now all I’m focused on is cramming in as many credits as possible to finish up my major. I’m not trying to put all the blame on my parents, though. Most of this is MY fault for not being a more well-adjusted, goal-oriented person. My parents are very good and caring people and I’m not trying to demonize them.

Beyond that, I feel like I’m not good at anything. My people skills are abysmal and I get so nervous when I have to talk to anyone, so that rules out so much for me - education, journalism, diplomacy, business, interpreting - hell, I could barely handle my job at Subway. I’m terrified about my internship next semester because I’m sure there will be a lot of answering phones and collaborating with other people, which I’m terrible at. I’m NOT a born leader, so I know I’ll never make a difference in the world. I feel like I’m destined to become an unhappy bureaucratic worker bee and that’s NOT what I want to happen, especially not after several years and thousands of dollars worth of education. I don’t care about anything anymore and I’m just unhappy. The one thing I’m vaguely passionate about is languages, but it’s way too late in the game to start over, and I enjoy self-study more than taking language classes anyway.

I don’t know what I meant to achieve by posting this thread. I just need some guidance because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I feel like I’m going crazy. Where do I go from here?

KKmama · December 30, 2011, 2:19pm

fortheroses,
PLEASE make a phone call to the counselling center from your college. I have been where you are. The call will be hard to make. The first visit will be hard as well. But if they have a decent therapist, or can refer you to one, it will be worthwhile. You are NOT going crazy, but you do need someone to listen, to reassure you, and to help you find the confidence to speak with professors and employers.

It may be that you will never find close friends. But you can learn to function and to feel better about yourself.

mamita · December 30, 2011, 2:20pm

Please go to your counseling center at school, or if you have private health insurance, get seen by both a psychiatrist and a mental health counselor/therapist. It is well nigh impossible to make good plans for your future if you are in the midst of significant depression. Depression tamps down one’s ability to get stuff done, including planning for your future, so kudos to you for keeping up your gpa while depressed. You may also have social anxiety, which can be treated also. This will not make you an outgoing extrovert, but you will be in a better place to make life decisions when any possible conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety) have been treated. Then you can begin to work on how to develop social skills needed for a work setting and to determine what types of professions most appeal to and suit you. This latter step can be assisted by the career center at most colleges or unis. Again, easier to do if you do it when no longer so down, or at least less so.

Wishing you the best. Keep us posted.

HImom · December 30, 2011, 2:29pm

Agree with the above posters. Counseling can be a HUGE lifesaver–campuses are VERY good at providing appropriate resources. You should have SOME health insurance connected with being a student or being on your folks’ plan. That gives you even more options for counselors. They can help you feel more comfortably socially and help you develop skills for making and keeping friends. They can also help you figure out what careers would be a good match for your interests and skillset.

You have MANY options and it is NOT unusual to be trying to figure out what you want. It is unfair and unfortunate that your folks are pushing you so hard to “have a plan,” especially since they haven’t paid much out-of-pocket for you.

Take good care of yourself and please keep us posted. You’re an awesome person and have great things to look forward to!

HereWeGo2 · December 30, 2011, 3:03pm

Concur with the other 3 responses - take advantage of your school’s counseling programs. They are there to help you succeed.

Look around. You have acquaintances, and I’d wager more are really friends or can become friends than you may realize. Very few people your age know what they want to do in life, most of us manage to figure it out as we go along. Some of my childrens’ cohort are very focused, some are facing graduation in a few months. You have time to figure things out. Leadership - I have never been comfortable as a sterotypical leader, but guess what - there are many styles of leadership and ways that “make a difference” and you’ll find the situations where they work. Some people make their greatest contributions behind the scenes and believe me, we are appreciated for it. Many of us adults are introverts but learn ways to move out of our comfort zones or make them not matter so much.

It sounds like you have goals (DC, semster abroad, thesis research etc.) and you are covering your major expenses which is more than many of your peers can say. I’d call those significant accomplishements. As a writing tutor, you have already demonstrated effective interpersonal skills - constructive critquing and helping someone improve their writing is HARD. You have an excellent GPA and language skills I for one, envy.

You have time to establish relationships with peers and faculty at your school - consider your areas of interest and find someone on faculty working in that area who will take you on as an undergrad researcher or for your honors thesis work. Does your school have an organized undergrad researcher program? The honors program may provide a suitable framework - this is part of the school’s education mission professors are expected to encourage. You are in a supportive environment now, use it and opportunities like the internship (as scary as it sounds to you now) and student organizations in anything you remotely like doing (most groups are enthusiastic about new members and all you have to do at first is just show up) to figure out what you enjoy doing (or at least what you dislike) and build a base for the future.

Your parents may be reacting to the doom and gloom news stories about unemployed graduates with BAs and huge student loans - most of which is more about paying off the loans than anything else. If you don’t have student loans, you are WAY ahead of your peers and that’s a big breathing space for you.

Take physical as well as mental care of yourself, don’t sweat it. You are not crazy - it’s a big world out there and your thoughts are not atypical. Good luck!

HImom · December 30, 2011, 3:13pm

Oh yea, try to find SOME exercise you enjoy – alone or with a group & start it (S liked ultimate frisbee and rockclimbing–who knew? D liked fencing but found it too time-consuming.) Exercise often lifts spirits and helps you keep healthy. D & her friends are all trying to figure out what comes next–many are graduating from college. It is a confusing, challenging time, especially with the tough economy. S graduated from the U in 2010–some of his peers are still trying to figure out what comes next.

jonri · December 30, 2011, 3:54pm

I concur with the advice that you see a counselor. You need someone to talk to live and in person.

I’d also suggest that you go to your college’s career center. Find out what sorts of jobs recent poli sci majors got. Take any aptitude tests it offers. Some career centers give you the chance to do mock interviews. If yours does, do it.

You should also ask one of your poli sci profs if you could meet with him/her about what you can do to make yourself a good candidate for grad school.

I’m NOT suggesting that you actually GO to grad school, just that you talk to a prof about what you should do to make that a possibility.

Frankly, I think your parents are just plain wrong if they think a master’s in poli sci will make you more marketable. Most terminal master’s programs in poli sci are not funded, and in many cases, all getting one does is put you in debt. However, there are some poli-sci related programs that might be of interest. Check out this one at Georgetown [Center</a> for Peace and Security Studies : Prospective Students](<a href=“Homepage - CSS”>Homepage - CSS)
Again, I’m NOT suggesting that you enroll or even apply. I’m just suggesting that you should look into it.

I also concur with the exercise recommendation. it does help.

And if you are getting 8 hours of sleep a night, make that happen. Lack of sleep causes many people to feel down.

eastcoascrazy · December 30, 2011, 4:09pm

Fortheroses, I don’t have any answers for you, but I do want to compliment you. Your writing skills are excellent. Really excellent.

You worked as a writing tutor. Did you enjoy tutoring? Do you enjoy writing? Is writing a direction you think you could go in?

eyemamom · December 30, 2011, 4:16pm

What I’d like to see you do is print off this message and hand it to your mom. I’m sure there are many people in your life who love you and want you to enjoy your college experience and start feeling better and help you figure out what you want to do. If they knew how it was making you feel they probably would stop immediately and try and get you feeling better.

If you don’t know where to start, call your pediatrician you had growing up. They can point you in the right direction.

You aren’t the first person in the world to feel like this, and you know if they have commercials on tv for all these meds there must be something to it. I know it will be scary to start taking steps to get help, but I’m also guessing it will be an enormous relief.

You obviously have a lot going for you and a bright future. It’s completely normal to not have it all figured out yet!

Please start today and tell your parents you need some help.

Greenery · December 30, 2011, 4:16pm

You will do fine in life!
Think in all your accomplishments and blessings. You are in second year of college…read your first paragraph again and see all what you have done to grow as a student and a person.
Your biggest fear is social contacts. Believe me I know people double your age that have the same fear. Not everyone is a David Letterman or Jay Leno…

You may take an elective in communications; you may volunteer with one of the Professors you admire the most.

Work will bring experience and experience will make you more comfortable with other people.

I know professionals that don’t like to be around too many people. They prefer the small groups and small circle of friends.

Accept who you are, one day at a time, but communication, personal growth; EC activities can help you to develop the social skills you want.

Get a part-time in a store–directed to customer service. I think that’s what you need. I know that after working a year with customers you will have resolved that issue.

When I was young I knew many students with the same concerns. They did well, but still they are not as social as probably the wanted to be and still they manage a degree, work and families.
Best for you. You have a life ahead.

compmom · December 30, 2011, 5:18pm

Please don’t worry about grad school. Many people suggest working between college and grad school (you could find articles on this to show your parents) and it is much more worthwhile when you have a better idea of what you want to study.

Political science is a good major for a lot of fields. (With elections coming up, any chance of working on a campaign?)

It sounds like you have a lot of interests and things you want to do. It is not too late for anything. Go for it! (I am 60 and going back to school.)

Your writing is excellent and conveys a sense of who you are, which is extremely likeable and aware. You obviously have a lot going for you.

I tell my kids that this is one of the hardest times of life (college, 20’s) but everyone feels as if they “should” be happy. Going to a counselor is a great idea (more than 50% of students do at some point) but also maybe get into a group, so you can realize that you are not alone in your feelings.

You are doing everything you should be doing now, taking classes and doing internships. Try to find ways to enjoy the present and maybe let the future unfold as you go along.

gouf78 · December 30, 2011, 6:55pm

Okay, here’s what hit me in your post. Only you can say if it rings true or not.
You had a ton of credits and came in as a sophomore. You are younger than your fellow classmates most likely. It’s tough making friends. They are on a different social level (it goes with the age, absolutely no reflection on you–the 20’s are an amazing growth spurt). And now you’re being pushed through school without knowing what you’d really like to do with your life. The “exploring” phase of college is being essentially denied to you a bit because of the economics of staying in school (and that can be significant depending on your job prospects).
I would suggest job counseling. You need a more deliberate search into career options.
And a social (think hobby) or sports (very laid-back) club to fill in the blanks.

mompop · December 30, 2011, 8:04pm

Please, please, please contact the counseling center and get in there asap. Also, show this to a family member. Don’t wait.

fortheroses · December 31, 2011, 12:15am

Thank you all so much for reading my post without judgment and offering advice. it’s so nice to know I’m not alone here.

wow, you know, I hadn’t thought about that, but it’s kind of true. Thinking back to my classes this past semester, I remember getting depressed listening to people in my upper-div classes talking about LSATs, GREs, Peace Corps, and various other post-graduation plans.

I keep seeing the term “terminal master’s degree” and I still don’t understand what it means. I read this article that explained that some master’s degrees are terminal by nature - e.g. MSWs and MFAs - and others aren’t, like MA psychology or history. I still don’t get it, though. Does this mean that I’m unlikely to get funding if I don’t have the stated purpose of ultimately pursuing a Ph.D.? :/

jonri · December 31, 2011, 1:28am

Sort of. I’m not saying that there are NO funded terminal master’s programs, but in poli sci they are rare. The key is not whether you have the “stated purpose” of getting a Ph.D. but whether you are admitted into a Ph.D. program. It’s not easy to get into a good Ph.D. program in poli sci. The programs tend to be small.

In other words, when you apply to grad school, you can apply to Ph.D. programs or you can apply to programs which are designed for students to obtain a master’s. You can’t just automatically stay on in those programs and work towards a Ph.D. They are “terminal master’s” programs.

Does that help?

Many of the people who are in terminal master’s programs in poli sci are in them to beef up their credentials in order to apply to Ph.D. programs with funding. So, just saying you want to aim for a Ph.D. eventually doesn’t mean your master’s will get funded.

Georgetown–which admittedly is not a poli sci program per se—does give merit money of varying amounts to about 20% of the students. So, the vast majority of students pay the full sticker price. Take a look at its list of outside scholarships which aren’t unique to Georgetown.
[Center</a> for Peace and Security Studies : Program Cost, Financial Aid and Scholarships](<a href=“Homepage - CSS”>Homepage - CSS)
I’ve mentioned this program because I know of a few people who did it and they did get jobs when they finished. I don’t think you are a good candidate for merit $ at this point, simply because work experience is taken into account. May be an argument to your parents for letting you take some time between college and grad school.

Columbia U’s SIPA isn’t straight poli sci either. It’s also very expensive. See <a href=“http://sipa.columbia.edu/resources_services/financial_aid/documents/CostofAttendance_MIA-MPA_2011.pdf[/url]”>http://sipa.columbia.edu/resources_services/financial_aid/documents/CostofAttendance_MIA-MPA_2011.pdf</a> Again, there is some aid available, but getting it is competitive.

Take a look at the graduate board. I’m sure there are some people who know more about grad programs in poli sci than I do. And go talk to your profs and ask. For all I know your state U. has a reasonably priced master’s program in poli sci. But before enrolling, find out what alums of it do career-wise.

NJSue · December 31, 2011, 9:29am

Your parents, like many other people, are mistaken about the value of graduate degrees. Please do not go to graduate school unless you know exactly what you want to do with the degree you are pursuing. An MA in political science or English or history etc. will not make you more employable than a B.A. On the contrary, it can make you look like a professional student, and employers don’t want to hire people like that. They want to hire people with some demonstrated maturity who can self-organize, show initiative, and take direction from a boss. A B.A. can show that, but an M.A., for people who don’t want to become professors or who aren’t teachers seeking additional credentials for salary raises, just signals that you don’t know what to do with yourself and are just killing time while figuring it out. Any job is better than a pointless M.A. from an employment standpoint. Now, if you have unlimited money or simply want to get the M.A. for enrichment purposes, go right ahead. But your parents are simply wrong that it will make you more employable in a general sense.

While I believe in the value of college for many students, it’s also true that school is a very limited universe, and there is a growing tendency to stay there because it’s all a student knows. You may feel better about yourself when you get out of school and find a niche doing something for pay in the “real world.” Many people fall into opportunities after they get that first job (and with humanities students, that first job can be in a very random field for little pay, but it’s a start).

fortheroses · January 1, 2012, 1:34am

Jonri, thank you for your explanation. that really cleared up a lot for me. I have decided that doing an MA in Political Science/IR may not be the best idea… I’ve been reading that getting a terminal master’s degree in one of the humanities or social sciences could well be a waste of time and money (provided you don’t plan to remain in academia or teach at some level, which I really do not). Not that a PhD is out of the question, but it’s definitely not one of my short-term goals.

I have done some research and decided that if I do end up pursuing a master’s, I want to do an MPA or MPP or some similar professional program with a specialization in “international policy” (well, whatever that means, haha). I’m still concerned, though, about getting good references and such within the one year or so that I now have to figure all this out… =/ Plus, would it be impossible to get into a good MPA/MPP program without full-time work experience? Also, is it uncommon for first-year grad students to receive TA/RA-ships? sorry - I know these questions belong in a different thread, it’s just that the wheels started churning today.

I’ve also tossed around the idea of getting a paid internship in D.C. (yes, I know these are hard to come by) for at least a year before jumping back into the arena, but from what I’ve read, living comfortably in that area might be cost-prohibitive on an intern’s salary…

Anyway, thanks again to everyone for all the support. i really sincerely do appreciate it.

jonri · January 1, 2012, 2:48pm

I’m more than a bit out of date on this. I’d suggest again that you go talk to one of you profs. Ask him these questions. This is a way to open a dialog that might lead to a better LOR a year from now.

Take a look on the web sites of some of the programs you are interested in. Send emails to the admissions offices asking your questions.

Take a look at the graduate school board on this site and search for threads that may have addressed your questions.

Good luck!

Hanzita · January 27, 2012, 7:26pm

Hey fortheroses ,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I m going throught the same things regarding school and i’m also terrible when it comes to interacting with people. If you ever feel like chatting feel free to contact me :)

njfootballmom · January 27, 2012, 7:49pm

Also, take public speaking and interpersonal communication (or some sort of communication class). It will help you feel better talking to strangers and since they are usually gen ed electives you will likely find classmates your age, and they might be nice break from the challenging classes you are probably taking. Surely you have some time for some electives? Being able to communicate and relate ARE skills you will need in your future, so they won’t be a waste, and you might get to know people just due to the nature of the classes.

You should be in a living situation where you cannot isolate yourself as easily.

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