Depression in high school and its impact on college admission

Applying to College
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@Jadette08, my daughter was also diagnosed as a sophomore. We decided that her high pressure school wasn’t helping her recovery, so we put her in a private school with a much better life/work balance. Her last two years were fantastic. She then felt strong enough to apply to elite colleges.

We really thought her depression and anxiety were behind her, but in the spring of her freshman year, she had a severe relapse and had to come home for a little while to get her meds adjusted (her school was only 45 minutes away). She finished the year very well, but we realized that this was probably going to be a lifelong journey for her, and so far, it has been.

When she wanted to go to France for her junior year, we told her she had to have a therapist in place over there, and had a year’s supply of meds from her psychiatrist here. This worked very well and she had a great year.

She’s a senior this year and is once again dealing with the same old anxiety and depression. But she does know how to take care of herself, and how and when to get help. I think these are the most important tools for a person with MI.

I say this to every parent of a kid who has a diagnosis like this: Getting well is much more important than getting good grades. She has more than enough time to improve her transcript. And when she does go off to college, make sure she has a therapist in place before she sets foot on campus. Some will do therapy by Skype, but others won’t. She needs someone she can see while she is at school. Don’t rely on the college counseling services. They’re there for a crisis, but they are usually overbooked and limit the number of visits.

Make sure she has enough meds to get her through until the first break, when she can see her psychiatrist at home for an adjustment, if necessary.

Don’t assume that she can stop her meds just because she’s doing well. We made this mistake. Our D went off her Lexapro in the spring of her senior year in high school. Knowing what we know now, we would never have let her do this.

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@philbegas I feel your pain even today and I’m sorry your parents were not there for you. But you emerged strong and well and I take my hat off to you for looking after yourself , by yourself , at a phase when you really don’t want to. X

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@Chellek Your daughters story sounds like you’re talking about mine! I’m so so glad your daughter is doing so much better ! Thankyou for the very useful and helpful tips which I shall certainly follow.

. My daughter has taken up a cause to help women against violence.

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@Massmomm I’m very sorry to hear about the relapse your daughter suffered. Depression unfortunately if indigenous as in not having a specific cause tends to stay on in some degree or the other.
Thankyou for sharing your story and yes I certainly all make sure she has a therapist in place before she reached. Infact I will go with her if I have to. I will not let her be at risk. I know how tough college can be. For her college will also mean bring 12 hours flying time away from home … definitely cannot have her all alone so far away

I really pray and hope our daughters get over this
X

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Yikes, @Jadette08, why so long a flying time? Even if you’re on the west coast and she comes east to school, that’s a max of 6 hours flying. Are you not in the US? If not, I hope you reconsider letting her come to the US for college, at least until you are sure she is able to cope on her own.

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With the pressure kids are under these days, depression/anxiety is much more common than is publicly acknowledged. My advice is, don’t treat like a stigma that can be hidden or papered over. You know it can’t. So why not explain why her grades fell? Even though it is hard to know how some admissions officers will react, I would still recommend being open about it, particularly if she has overcome it and grown. I wouldn’t write an entire essay based on it, but see no problem of it being part of one.

There is therapy - and books you can read about it. Both of my children have experienced some, I believe it is part of the territory of many high achievers in our society. The ordeal has made me look at many things I didn’t want to see, indeed we grew as a family by getting through it. Unfortunately, it is never completely over, no matter how highly functional a recovering person becomes.

In my daughter’s case, meds didn’t help, indeed they set her back in a highly pressured environment. She’s learned to tough it out, we did not even get good counseling at her school, which still infuriates me.

I wish you luck.

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Meds will need to be watched and sometimes adjusted, some need to be tweaked or, sometimes, another added. In our case, after a while, she was pulled off #1 and #2, changed to something else that worked better. Docs can’t know til they try. (For us, this was another plus in dealing directly with a psychiatrist, who could both counsel and prescribe.)

Done right, this situaton can be acknowledged. The colleges know kids can suffer depression, many have great support services because they are aware. And care. The issue isn’t the depression, itself, or noting that time in her life, as much as where the kid is now, if she’s ready, can adapt and thrive there. That’s something that needs to “show,” not just be said. Eg, balanced activities and some positive perspective in her writing can be more reassuring that she does manage, has grown, than simply saying “I know I’ll cope.”

As you get closer to picking colleges, you’ll look into support services and other things. You’ll have a better idea what she needs (usual preferences) and what her health needs are. It’ll look a lot clearer.

How the lower grades affect admission depends on how low and what courses- because some colleges need to see the right level of prep is there. Eg, if she’s thinking a chem major, got a low grade in 10th, but did fine in AP, that’s one thing. Or if she wants a humanities major, the sci grade is less significant. Again, you have time.

Mine had her turnaround in early junior year of college, realized her perspective had changed. She still needed help but was then on her way. In fact, she became not just interested in psychology, but so empathetic to others’ struggles, of various sorts. She now works in therapeutic mentoring, loves it, and wants grad school, to be a licensed counselor of some sort.

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@Massmomm No I’m not in the US Both my kids have studied in the American system here in Dubai. We are expats. Unfortunately there are NO good colleges here. So going to the US , CANADA or UK or anywhere else are the only options for us. It means being so far away from our kids. Them being alone. My elder one is already in Atlanta in her third year. With my younger one , I will not be sending her off till I’m 100% sure she’s out of it completely and can manage being on her own with the required supportlike local therapist etc . But even then I’m going to go with her , take up a place nearby and ‘be around’ for however long it takes. If that’s not possible due to any regulations , then we look at any other options. But she won’t be alone.

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Please don’t push your child. If she graduates later than her friends, then so be it. As long she continues to study. I don’t like when people force their child on finishing school so fast. WHY do parents feel like they want to force you? Someone tell me.

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@alcibiade hi there. I’m sorry to hear meds didn’t help in your daughters case. But did your doctor try out different combinations? With anti depressants , there are many types- SSRIS, MAOI inhibitors, Dopamine etc. One needs to do a lot of trial and tweaking before finding the right dose and med.

My daughter was started and she reacted well initially to the med. Then one fine day after 4 weeks , she dipped badly , started having panic attacks , couldn’t even complete her day in school. I had to pick her up from school where she would be hiding in the health office as she couldn’t face the world. The doctor increased her dose and she became suicidal with ideation. That’s one of the worst side effects of anti depressants especially amongst teenagers. He immediately changed her medication completely to Zoloft which she responded to. Now he’s added another one in the morning which She is responding to as well.

My point is - don’t give up on the medication. It’s very important initially If the doctor cannot find the right combination. Change the doctor rather than giving up on the medication.
Therapy is also equally vital. The counselor at school is not equipped to deal with this type of therapy . They are mainly educational counselors Please take your daughter to a psychotherapist. It’s the combination of meds and therapy as well as a lot of love and support which I’m sure she already has from you which will help her.

God bless.

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@NASA2014 no one is forcing her to finish school. She wants to finish on her own. I had suggested her taking a gap year but she chose not to as she wants to graduate with her friends. I think you misunderstood.

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@lookingforward That’s great to hear about your daughter ! I am a therapist myself tho not practicing now for a while and truly believe when you’ve gone through something like this … you are in a better position to help others as you know what it’s like. It’s not a textbook term for you anymore. Wishing her all the best !

Thanks for your advice. Makes sense. She needs to still find her passion - letting her explore what she wants. Her writing , screenplay writing … all that had come to standstill for the past 6 months. Now she’s writing again slowwwwly.
Baby steps. :slight_smile:

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@Jadette08, my daughter was in 2nd year at U Cambridge in an extremely demanding environment. Her bad reaction to meds set her back 2 weeks (i.e. 4-6 essays) and though her doctor took her off them quickly, it literally screwed up her rhythm for the rest of the year. So she was scared to even try anything new, even for her 3rd (and final) year, in which she came back up to her usual performance levels. Unfortunately, even at a fancy school like that, the mental health facilities were lacking. Cambridge is so stressful that it is estimated that 25% of students experience depression/anxiety. 25%! With numbers like that, we have to talk about it openly. She is now in graduate school and doing fine, but still has bouts of depression/anxiety. It’s part of who she is, but we still worry of course. My father was a psychiatrist, so we are well acquainted with the mental health resources and remain wary of meds.

I hope your daughter finds what works for her.