Did you medicate your child for mental health issues?

Parent Cafe
21

It is so very hard to be in the eye of the storm (sorry to use that phrase when so much of the world is worried about Hurricane Matthew) trying to both survive the crisis of the moment AND figure out a long term plan that will lead to an independent adult. I strongly encourage you and your spouse to take time away (I know, I know you can’t trust your children to just anyone, but this is important). You need 24 hours to breathe deeply, get on the same page with your spouse, and figure out priorities of work, school/homeschool, moving to another state, etc.

So, part of you is exhausted and looking for a miracle cure, and part of you is thinking of what future consequences there might be for your actions and decisions made today.

An issue I deal with is my mom in assisted living with dementia. We were overwhelmed with not knowing how long she will live, how to plan out her money to last, and how aggressively to care for her medical issues. We got advice to plan ahead for 3 years, and then deal with the future as it played out. It is impossible to know all the answers before you put SOME kind of plan into play.

Standing on the outside looking in, I think you are overvaluing the need for your child to fit into the school model. Sitting in a classroom is NOT the real world. Do you really want the highlight of your day to be that your son did not bite or hit anyone in school? When you know he is capable of pursuing intense interests, and just needs the right environment to do so?

As others have said, homeschooling is not a one time decision for the rest of his childhood. It can be a one year experiment to see how he does and how you feel about how he is doing. And at his age, you can allow him to school whenever you want. It just means that he needs to be looked after in some form or fashion while you and your spouse work. You can brainstorm split shifts, job change for your spouse, hiring a nanny, etc. (Of course, you need to know and follow your state’s laws for homeschooling.)

This is a great age to try homeschooling. You probably have 2 or 3 years of relaxed homeschooling before you would start gearing up for any educational pathways into adulthood. Allowing him to explore his own interests, without stressing about writing or other triggers, at least for this school year you are in now, might mellow him without the need for medication. If this has some success, then you can do more testing for some of the things mentioned above, to see if these disabilities are present and might be causing the behavior that is pushing you to consider medication.

If, after pulling him out of school, giving him the ability to self-direct his learning, and taking the pressures of mainstreaming off of him, he is still having outbursts, anger, etc. you might be more resolved and confident that medication is the next step.

As I have said before, I HATE medications, but am reluctantly using meds within my own family.

22

I have a son who was gifted and Aspergers/autism and who had many behavioral issues when he was younger. We decided against medication for multiple reasons but also were able to afford a small private school. I think for alot of kids on the spectrum working with a behavioral analyst is a godsend. We were able to change our parenting some and have a school behavior modification plan. It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of bumps in the road but from 2nd grade to 7th grade there were dramatic improvements. My son is now looking to go off to college something that even a few years ago we weren’t sure would happen. It was a long hard path to this point but one we are ever so grateful for. If working with a behavioral specialist has not been suggested or tried and you are not sure about medication I would definitely pursue it. Sometimes understanding what precipitates the behaviors is key to ameliorating them. It could be writing is difficult, fear of failure, etc. Another avenue that we have found very fruitful but is rarely mentioned in the mainstream is neurofeedback. Good luck with your decisions.

23

My stepson takes Vyvanse for ADHD. Seriously we wish we would have done it sooner than 6th grade. Two days in he came to my husband and thanked him because he could actually follow along in class. No personality changes other than getting rid of the irritating constant acting out. Grades went up two levels.

24

Nobody can tell you what the “right” decision is. But I can tell you what I would do. I would NOT quit my job. I’d be resentful. And what if the home schooling didn’t work out? Then I have no job and my child would be no further along—and perhaps will have even lost some ground.

Your child needs a happy mom. If this job makes you happy, keep it. Besides, you have not tried all avenues for keeping him in school, which would be the medication. What if you quit your job, the home schooling doesn’t work out, so as a last resort you try meds—and it works out amazing! Then you’ll be kicking yourself that you didn’t try meds BEFORE quitting your job.

You still haven’t answered this question: What is the downside of giving it a six-week trial? If you or he doesn’t like it, stop giving him the pills. Voila. Back to where you started. No harm done, and you’ve eliminated that as a solution. On to the next thing.

25

Again, I admit I have no personal experience of this. However, as a wholly disinterested observer, if I were in your place, I’d try the medication before I quit my job to homeschool, especially a job you enjoy.As I understand it, it’s only going to take a few months to figure out if the medication works. If medication doesn’t work, you still have the option of quitting your job and homeschooling. If you quit your job and homeschool without trying medication, it will be very hard for you to get a job as good as the one you have now.

Remember too…I know you do…that while you love your child, you’ve also got to care for your other child and keep your marriage going. And, yes, you’ve got to think about what’s best for you too. From what you’ve said, it’s POSSIBLE that homeschooling will be better for your S, but it “sounds” incredibly doubtful that it will be best for the other 3 people in the family.

I think too…and admit I may be wrong…that whether it’s in a classroom or in a different setting…your S would benefit from having someone else other than mommy enforce the rules. Mommy is obviously conflicted about enforcing the rules. That’s certainly understandable. It’s hard for any of us to discipline our children. To discipline a child with problems is even harder. But more firmness and consistency than mom can provide might well be the best thing for your S right now.

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Please @Aspieration , don’t blame yourself. You did what you thought was best and for all you know, it was. It’s so easy as a parent to second guess yourself when there’s an issue of any kind, and it’s also easy if you have “regrets” to let them impair your decision-making in an effort to avoid more regrets. The best you can do is go forward from where you are now.

I can also say that while I have friends and relatives who had great experiences with home-schooling, I could never have done it. DS and I both would have been crazy from it. If your gut is telling you that it’s not a good idea for you or your family, it may not be. The solution you pursue does not have to be permanent, but it has to work for your family.

27

I also worked with young students…and some did benefit greatly from medication.

  1. I would suggest a trial of the medication. You will need to be in close contact with the doctor and the school, as well as your own observations, to see the efficacy of this. Keep in mind, these medications do not work overnight, and for some folks, there is an adjustment period as this is metabolized by the student. In addition, you can see some side effects initially that will abate over time.

What I’m saying is…give it a fair chance.

  1. I agree with @brantly on this one. It sounds like things are not satisfactory at this time. That being the case, what harm would there be in trying medication? If, after a decent trial period it's not working, the psychiatrist prescribing can help you decide what to do next.
  2. Don't expect miracles. There really isn't a magic pill that will make everything OK. But if you can reduce some of the problem behaviors, and anxiety, your kiddo will be in a better place.
  3. The little guy you have will be the same little guy you have the day after medication starts. He will still be the kiddo you love.
28

I have been following you since you began posting. I truly appreciate all of your efforts to help your son and family. That said, unless you can truly address your guilt and your negative opinions and concerns regarding medications, it will be difficult to move forward. I strongly suggest family therapy to help in your plan for your son.

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"I’m still not sure about medication. Here is another way to frame it. Right now, all of his behavior is “him” whereas if we medicated, I worry we would be trying to figure out what is the kid and what is the medication. "

Forgive me in advance but I think you are framing this wrong.
What you are dealing with now is a child who desperately needs to be able to interact socially and isn’t able to. He’s getting kicked out of school. That leaves big marks.
His behavior is disruptive not just for him but for your family. It affects all of you including your younger child (perhaps more than you are aware).

His current behavior really isn’t “him”. I think you know that already. You know that inside he’s a smart kid who can be personable. If there is a treatment that possibly helps curb the impulsive behavior it’s worth a try.

It’s not making him different from his true self, it’s ALLOWING him to be his true self.

30

A bit off topic, but as suggested above, his writing and worksheet issues may have to do with a dysgraphia. Has he been evaluated formally for that?

Until that evaluation can be done, how about asking the teachers to use oral evaluations instead of written ones, letting him experiment with speech-to-text computer programs, and changing what he writes with (crayon/marker/automatic pencil/piece of chalk/etc.) and/or changing the texture/color/size of the paper/whiteboard/other material he is being asked to write on?

31

^^^^^^^^ Totally agree. I don’t see the harm in trying this medication. I have prescribed this med a lot when I worked low income clinic for resistant hypertension in adults.

Personally my daughter takes Concerta for ADHD. She starting taking it in 5th grade. She so much more socially confidant now and can focus her mind, control her impulses. We watch her moods for irritability, weight, sleeping, etc.
She has been on it for 3 years now and I am very thankful for it.

She is also maturing and may not need it in the future.

32

hugs

You’ve brought up homeschooling several times in various threads. I homeschooled mine. Homeschooling can cover a whole lot of different educational options. You could hire someone to homeschool, like an old fashioned tutor or governess. You could design a curriculum and hire someone to implement it for you. You could purchase an on-line program and have someone supervise your child while he does it. You don’t have to be at home doing the day to day, one on one, to be homeschooling. You could unschool as well. The possibilities are endless.

I’m just throwing it out there in case you haven’t considered that possibility. I have no advice here, just more hugs. Good luck.

33

My child came into my life later in her life (age 10 yrs) and was already heavily medicated for anxiety, depression, ADHD. Soon after her situation became stable in our family, she was slowly taken off the medication for anxiety and depression quite successfully. About a year after that one day she came home from middle school all upset at me for forgetting to give her meds in the morning. She said it seemed like all the teachers were yelling at her and she couldn’t do anything right. We found the pills in her sheets, but it was an eye opener to me about how differently she coped with and without the medicine. Fast forward another 20 months and she slowly stopped taking her meds over the summer. School is in full swing now and she doesn’t complain about the difference. She has matured, learned coping skills to keep focused while in class and studying and she catches herself before shooting off her mouth - at least most of the time. In other words she has developed a filter. Her grades are great and she is proud of herself.

On the flip side, her younger brother was diagnosed with ODD and ADHD before coming into our home. His previous guardians pushed to have him medicated but since we were in the process of adopting him, we wouldn’t allow it. The road with him has been difficult, but he has never been actively mean towards others or unsuccessful at school. He has very poor judgement, poor impulse control and when he thinks that things are unfair, well watch out. I work at his school and have been supportive of any discipline that comes his way. Each semester we have more good than bad weeks. Our criteria for medication was always two fold: was he hurting others and therefore unable to make meaningful relationships with peers and were his grades suffering. These have always been a NO for him so medication is off the table.

But I do use those 2 questions for parents in our school whose children are suffering - and I do mean suffering - for not having those positive peer relationships and high self esteem that comes along with an assignment well done.

Medication is not an answer for everyone, but if you were a parent in a meeting about your child at my school, I’d recommend trying the medicine. Give your kid a shot a having positive peer relationships. I’ve seen it do wonders for some kids.

34

I am just giving my experience.

In BU’s family, I would not have been medicated. I was a straight-A student and had lots of friends. I have always had good self-esteem.

But, I was miserable. I had days where I could not get out of bed. I felt like I was in a fog and was never really happy. I painted on a face for everyone else but inside I felt dead basically.

Even now, I am in my mid-20s, have an absolutely wonderful spouse, friends, academic and social network. I am getting my PhD. But on the few occasions I’ve had to go off my anti-depressants, I have noticed the difference almost instantly. I spiral downwards very quickly. Even with my meds, I still have very dark episodes and panic attacks.

Again, I am not saying you must medicate your child but I am speaking from the perspective of a child-now-adult who absolutely needed, and still needs, meds. Just like I need medicine for my other “physical” ailments.

35

After reading @romanigypsyeyes I feel my explanation was a bit misconstrued. OP was talking about an 8 year old child with behavioral issues - aggression towards others in stressful situations, not a teenager with depression issues. While both anti-social behavior and depression are under the umbrella of mental health, I view them differently. My oldest is on medication for severe life altering depression, very different than what it seems like the OP was expressing. Her child does not seem to suffer from depression, or maybe he does and his behavior when faced with mainstreamed public school tasks is how it manifests itself.

Trust me @romanigypsyeyes I’ve read lots of your posts with hope, as my child is just beginning his journey into college life and being on his own and you have had such success. I only know you from your posts but hearing your realistic success makes me more comfortable with the choice I made to allow my child to go across the country to school.

36

Meds can help in so many ways when properly used.

There should be no stigma involved in using them for any purpose medically either physical or mental.

And mental issues often have a PHYSICAL component. The body is a wonderful complex blend of chemicals.

You get broken legs fixed. You take aspirin for headaches. You take meds to lower blood pressure. You take vitamins to make your immune system stronger. Diabetics need insulin. Antibiotics are needed for pneumonia. Cancer drugs save lives. Analgesics make surgery bearable.

You don’t “will” yourself out of these conditions.

Meds aren’t miracles but they can help correct imbalances in the body. Consider them as “regulators”.

37

I feel for you, and I tend to be “anti-medication,” but this is what I think k would do -

Try meds, for this school year. I know it can take some trial and error to get the right meds/right dosage.
IF everything seems to be going better by summer, keep it up.
IF by summer he is not significantly “improved,” then try some version of “home schooling” (without quitting your job) over the summer, to see how that works.
Then you can decide what’s most appropriate for next year.

Please let us know what you decide and how things are going.

38

I do not have experience with medication with this age child but I do have an alternate thought. Have you looked into a service dog? I volunteer with an organization called 4 Paws for Ability and they provide very well, individualized trained service dogs for children with autism. Take a look at their website. PM me if you have questions.

39

Exactly @gouf78 .

40

I’m going to be honest. I think you’ve read this thread and got some advice. I think you should STOP reading now and wait and see what the professionals advise. Then talk with your H, maybe a friend or two or co-worker and decide the next step. I almost feel like the discussion here is just going to get your head spinning even more. Too many opinions, too many individual situations, NONE can be like your own!

But, do see that the prevailing theme here is hugs to you and your son! You are his mom, you are smart, you want what is best for him - there is not just one “right” decision! Let the professionals guide you - tell them you need baby steps if that helps. Tell them you need a second opinion. But they have evaluated your son - and between them and YOU, his loving mom, you will sense what is best.

(now, don’t go away - we care and can support you on your journey - just be careful of not getting overwhelmed with responses here!) :slight_smile: