@Momofadult - thanks, I’m glad you’ve created your own, happier, family traditions.
My apologies for throwing a big pity party earlier. I returned too late, apparently, to delete it. Thinking of the families, and especially the children, enduring the aftermath of yesterday’s tornadoes, I feel very petty.
My mom does not do much about Xmas, declaring it too stressful. No sense of gifts, and usually I’d get a Kmart nightgown, which I’d use, but I have never cared about night clothes, when the day clothes were so lacking in number and fun. My dad, a little Aspie, would give me rather elaborate boy gifts, chemistry set, electric car race sets. As I got older, it was more outdoor equipment, which I still cherish. He was ahead of his time in his feminist consciousness! The presents don’t really matter, but the comparison with my dad’s second wife’s kids was breathtaking, as they had gift after gift, while my sibs and I had one each, and usually no surprises. We’d sit and watch them opening gifts forever. However, food was always good, and we loved cooking together, and I loved the tree and lights and Christmas music. Never had a Christmas cookie aside from a rare Mexican wedding cookie till I moved to the Midwest.
I am very thankful that my parents and dad’s second wife got along, and we were always all together for holidays, really the best gift of all. No extended family was accessible within a few thousand miles, and the various pieces of the divorced family were our extended family.
Silpat, hugs. You can speak your truth, as far as I’m concerned. Having lived with the personality disordered, I know how some of how that goes. Hard stuff, when the rest of the world seems so happy.
Both my parents and my husband’s parents were divorced, so during one period of our lives we had four Christmases, too. On top of that, my husband is Jewish, but both of his parents married Christians after their divorce. Suddenly, after never having celebrated Christmas at all, he was expected to join in the Christmas celebrations of four households.
Our parents are all dead now, and the era of four Christmases is history, but my husband still thinks that the goyim are nuts because we stuff a year’s worth of celebrating into a single holiday. He may have a point.
This was not my experience. I have a half sister and she would be with us either the day of Christmas or after but otherwise it was mostly just my parents and me.
My dad’s family lives mostly on the west coast and my mom is an immigrant with her only American family several states away.
No big chaotic Christmas for us and I loved it.
Now when I go to family Christmas with Mr R and his very, very large chaotic family, I hate it. Gives me a headache and I don’t particularly like most of his family.
silpat…never feel sorry for posts where you are contemplative. There are plenty of people out there with your experiences and can lend support.
@“great lakes mom” …I think my mouth fell open reading about you sitting there watching your step sibs open gift and gift. OMG…here let me pour you another glass of cyber wine!
Mine were fine enough, as my aunts and uncle were a riot…I miss them so much. My Dad ruined many holidays with his curmudgeon mood, sitting in a chair away from everyone trying to make us all miserable. I tend to overlook that until posts like this are brought up. But mainly they were fine, my aunts were childless, so gifts were lauded on us!
We didn’t have lots of people, as it was just my immediate family and one set of grandparents, but sure, what wasn’t to love? My mother outdid Martha Stewart in her day in terms of decorating and we got tons of presents. All good memories.
As a little kid, I found the holidays lonely. Without any consistency from year to year, we would be visited by grandparents and my uncle and aunt. It was all about the adults, and I felt like an afterthought. We lived on the edge of town, away from all my friends at school, so I rarely had friends over to play with. This makes it hard for a kid to get excited about new toys, because toys are usually better when another kid is around. I had sibs, but they were 8 and 10 years my senior, so we rarely hung out.
Flash ahead to my pre-teen and teenage years. Parents get divorced, and my mom has a whole new set of friends who are 15-20 years younger than her. This included my big sister. My mom was really a whole new person, and with this younger crowd for friends, she thought it was normal for a 14-year-old boy to spend the holidays drinking beer and smoking pot. I was superficially happier, but it would be a few years yet before I felt comfortable hanging out with people in their 20s and 30s. So again, lonely.
That is so funny seams- I grew up 1/2 Polish and 1/2 Italian and I thought everyone had a Christmas Eve filled with perogies and Christmas Day with escarole soup with meatballs. Loved all my cousins and ethnic traditions each side brought. Wonderful loving and delicious memories!
My parents were in the foreign service, so we had a big variety of Christmas’s depending on where we were. In Japan our house (part of the Consulate in Yokohama) had 14 foot ceilings and our trees were huge. We got a collection of Japanese silk covered balls there. In Hargeisa (Somalia) our tree was made from the office flagpole and green ribbons that went from the top of it stapled to a big round base. The next year in Mogadishu we had ornaments on a bookshelf with a painted tree on paper behind the shelves. Then we were in DC for a while. Some years we stayed home, others we went down to Florida where my grandparents had a house right on the beach. Cousins were often there too. Then they were off to Tanzania where we had spindly African trees, but real trees, unlike in Somalia. My Great Aunt Dorothy sent us German cookies in a tin every year. I still make most of her recipes and think of her. She lived to be over ninety and rode a tricycle for grown ups around town. Stockings were always my favorite part of Christmas, my mother was great at finding weird little toys to put in them.
Yes. Oh my,yes.
I loved Christmas as a child and young adult. It was my favorite time of year.
It isn’t any longer. And I am really very sad for that.
Part of the thrill when I was younger was the family getting together. Now we at so dispersed, it is difficult for even the nuclear family. D1 will not be here tomorrow, let alone extended family.
Presents? Do not need any, do not want any and do not know what to give. Parties? Use to gave them but now don’t, work In a job where there are none.
Overall, Christmas just isn’t the same for me.
I really enjoyed Christmas as a kid. We had this small, crummy old fake tree and a small number of ornaments to put up. We went to my Grandparents house for Christmas Eve. Grandma wasn’t the best cook, but there were always desserts and sometimes we drank the loaded punch. It was just me, my sister, grandparents and parents, but it was fun. We watched movies and got some little presents. My grandparents loved Christmas. They really decorated their house, and it was magical.
Christmas morning, our presents were generally a little bit of money, maybe a game, and CANDY! Our family was pretty poor. But I loved those books of lifesavers, they were the best.
Then Christmas Day we’d always do something athletic, like a run or hike, and if lucky, a movie.
We were a first generation immigrants with not a lot of money, but my father always loved a party. We had a cheaply decorated tree and presents for all four kids. My mother made a lot of Chinese food for xmas. We used laugh that we were the only family with soy sauce marinated turkey. Last night, at my mom’s house we looked at the blinking star on top of the tree and realized it was over 40 yrs old. It was the star we bought first year in this country. We couldn’t believe it was still blinking, not one light was out.
Because xmas was always so special to my family, my siblings and I always made a point of coming back to my parents’ house for xmas. Our kids have celebrated every xmas together since they were babies. One of my brothers lived in Asia for 15 years and I lived abroad for 2 years, but we always came home. Last night my kids told me those memories were very special to them. Prior to my divorce, their dad always made xmas special to the girls. This year he chose to spend it some where else, so the girls appreciate even more to have extended families around.
Merry Christmas to all.
@busdriver11, I loved those lifesaver books! We used to have grade school Christmas parties - and they were Christmas parties with tree and all in my public school. We would exchange names and exam the gifts as they were placed under the tree. I could tell who was getting the lifesaver books. Lucky kids!
I don’t think you can buy lifesavers in rolls anymore.
I always loved Christmas and still do. I had grandparents who spoiled me and, blessedly, weren’t hung on up gender stereotypes- even back in the 50s. I received full Philadelphia Eagles uniform one year, and all sorts of balls and bats other years. It was very magical at our house with creeping downstairs where we were allowed to open our stockings before the adults woke up. We had a beautiful home, tree and decorations. I’ve always tried to make Christmas special for my kids- even now that they are adults.
“I don’t think you can buy lifesavers in rolls anymore.”
Oh no! They were like winning the candy lottery!!
I have mixed memories. My father went from drinking on holidays to every night and life was unpleasant, including Christmas time. As an adult I quit the whole Judeochristian mythology thing. Did a secular Christmas for son but H didn’t grow up with it (from India) so I quit doing things- H and S would be into it about one day then I did all of the work.
Back to childhood. Visiting the relatives- boring for the most part. Mom always gave many presents, but finances not great so underwear was one of the gifts, and the winter coat one year-after wearing a hand me down I detested for a month. Always had my aunt’s homemade kielbasa (I don’t get beef versions or smoked- very few commercial sausage makers get it right). In fact, I can still list the holiday meal items at her house after so many of them over the years. But we usually spent most of the time at the staid aunt’s- the one with a son and nothing to do. Plus- we would often need to keep our church clothes- skirts/dresses on while my brother got to wear pants.
Do remember tons of cookies- so many varieties. Tried doing some with son- cutouts. But only three of us to eat them. And now- how many pounds do I want to gain???
We always opened presents on Christmas eve- we went for a ride to see the lights and Santa would come while we were gone (my mom took forever to get out to the car- and one year my older sister was sent in to see what was taking so long…).
Remember the Lincoln log manger scene and tinsel on the tree (no fun removing it to save for next year).
I see a pattern. The people make the difference. Those with large families and extroverted party parents/relatives seem to have had the most fun.
Yes, my 2 kids + their 13 cousins = loud, fun times together. We spent time and energy building and strengthening the bonds between the relatives and are thrilled they love one another so!
I loved Christmas as a child. My father came from a large French Canadian family and my mother from a smaller one, and their parents lived only a few blocks from one another and easy driving distance from our home. There were lots of gatherings, food, running around with cousins. Christmas was the one time of year we could get a “big” special item, which in those days (60s and 70s) were things like a pair of skis, an instamatic camera, a cassette tape recorder, a calculator. It was also that time of year for special sweets. As we got older and people in the families started spreading away from the hometown and state the gatherings got more planned and spread out date wise. My dad’s family (though his parents, some siblings and he are gone) still has a large Christmas party including as many extended family as can make it, but it is held the Saturday after Thanksgiving so that people in town for Thanksgiving can attend. In fact my daughter got to go for the first time in her life to that party this year when she spent the weekend at my mother’s for Thanksgiving for the first time. She had a wonderful time.
Well, I’m Jewish… so I think the dominant feeling may have been annoyance. I wasn’t jealous or resentful of the families who celebrate… just annoyed at the way everyone made such a huge deal of it. Like Christmas music constantly playing in the stores and on the radio for a whole dang month. And I’m happy to see the homes that are decorated and lit up with care… but not so keen on all the houses that are basically adorned with kitsch. (Still am – in my neighborhood there are always a couple of families who think they can put up those blow up Santas on their lawns and have them withstand winter storms. Of course they end up with mostly wilted plastic most of the time).
These days my now-grown kids complain of not knowing how to handle the gift-giving traditions of the families of their significant others’. The holiday visits are something of a mystery – are they expected to arrive with presents for every single family member? And what to get for the adults? How many scarves can you give people? In my family, Hanukkah was always something pretty much limited to gift-giving for the kids – adults might give one another one small gift but by the time I was around age 12 my mom was weaning me off of the expectation of a gift every single night.
And of course I never believed in Santa… I thought it was cute when little kids believed in Santa & the Easter Bunny…but was puzzled when my school-age companions were believers past age 7 or 8. Flying reindeer? Coming down the chimney? One guy in one sled carrying toys for a billions of children all over the world? And did they really think that all of those different department store Santas were the same guy & the real thing?
So basically the whole season was and is rather tedious and irksome for those of us who don’t celebrate. Though at least there’s are no painful memories attached; going out for Chinese food was kind of fun.