Yes we did! 3 or 4 times a month I lined up a sitter- many times this was a niece or nephew and I also had an extensive neighborhood network of sitters. DH and I have a lot of friends and are very social and his thought was you need to take care of the marriage by spending some time together as a couple - outside the house. Too easy to get caught up reading a book or doing things around the house once kids went to bed. We did plenty of social things with our kids as well. Now that the youngest is off to college in the fall I’m so glad DH took the time to continue to do things as a couple and with our friends apart from our kids. Different strokes for different folks!
I think couple time is important when you have kids. Throughout my marriage, we had a date night once/week. We also had a one-week vacation per year without kids. We spent copious amounts of time with our kids, and also took vacations with them as well. Not giving any advice here of what works, and actually after 36 years of marriage, I’m no longer married.
We didn’t do a lot of dating when the kids were young except for dinners for birthdays and anniversaries. There was a period of about a year when a friend of mine, feeling guilty about how much her kids were at my house, used to take my kids for a few hours every Saturday and encourage dh and I to go out to lunch. It was very sweet of her, but the truth was I loved her kids and my kids were less trouble when her kids were around to keep them amused. I think she may have had the same experience. She had two boys exactly the same age as mine and all through elementary school they were best friends. The younger two still are, the older ones started drifting apart in middle school.
Pretty much no regular date nights until the nest emptied out, and we were fine with that. Somehow, we survived as a couple (hope that is still true after I just nagged Mr. to go home out of the snow’s harm). When I went back to school, Mr. decided that to keep my sanity, we needed a regular night out. Our favorite pizzeria made some dough off those Thursday dinners after my last evening class. 
Tonight’s the night!
DH doesn’t know it yet, but he’s in for a treat!
Our kids went to sleep early when they were young (by 8 am), so we had time with just the 2 of us. The kids have been gone for a decade and it’s just us. I don’t think we missed all that much–we really enjoyed having our kids around.
As a single parent for most of my kids’ lives, Saturday was my “date night”. Of course, it wasn’t always a date, but it was my night to do what I wanted without the kids. Sometimes it was just movies and dinner with my Mom, sometimes happy hour with the girls’ from work, sometimes I curled up on the couch with a bottle of wine, chinese food and a good movie. But, it was my night and I looked forward to it every week. Both kids spent Saturday day and night with their Dads and returned home Sunday morning so no sitter needed. I spent all day Saturday cleaning, grocery shopping, and doing other household chores but once those were done, it was all about me LOL
@b1ggreenca you just reminded me that while dh and I didn’t (and don’t)have regular “date nights” once my kids were all in school, we often would meet for lunch. His office has always been within 10-15 mins from home so we were able to work it out. Sometimes I’d be out running errands and call him on the fly to see if he’d eaten lunch yet, and if he hadn’t, we’d meet somewhere or I’d pick him up and we’d go somewhere near his office.
When kids were little, Friday night was date night. Job opportunity when my oldest was two brought us back near family, and my mom said “everyone needs adult time - I will babysit one night each weekend, Friday is best for me”
It was a godsend after never getting out and a husband who travelled a lot.
One of the best things is the relationship my kids made with their grandmother. THey looked forward to Friday nights (sometimes we went out even if we didn’t feel like it because kids couldn’t wait for grandmom) My mom would sit and play games, read, talk, whatever and my kids love her for it.
Oh, I am so old. And so in the minority here, because not only did we never have a “date night”, I think the idea is a little ridiculous. Ymmv, I get it. We had absolutely no family near, no money, and we kinda enjoyed having fun with our kids (again, not that daters don’t). Once they were teens, forget it, it’s all carpools , concerts, and homework – and that’s the glue, not some artifical let’s go out thing. Once they are flown, we have all the time in the world.
I have family with small children who are devoted to their"right" to these date nights. When it doesn’t fit their schedule, they moan and fuss about how haaaaaaard it is to be “connected” without it, etc. and I just want to smack them. Did they think raising children – and choosing to have them close together — was going to be a part time gig? Again, I get that parents need a break. I just don’t ascribe to the notion that without weekly or monthly dates, you are just doomed and deprived.
You know what’s sexy? A man who reads to my kids in 15 different voices, and stays up to finish the dishes. A man who took me to lunch every single First Day of School (I was an at home mom for years). A woman who learned to get her own oil changed to save that man time, who shovelled the driveway with the kids and then stomped hearts with our boots.
We thought it was very important to spend time with each other without the kids, so we made the effort to go out a few times every month. We love our kids a lot, but our marriage always came first. We’ve been married almost 34 years now, so it worked out well. We found that after the kids left the nest, we still had lots in common and our marriage remained strong.
I found that those few instances we went on vacation without the kids, even a long weekend, was awesome. We’ve always gotten along, but it’s was so incredibly busy and tiring with kids. Those days and evenings just us was so wonderful. Flirting, exploring, no responsibilities except what we wanted to do and each other! It was a nice break and although I felt like we already had a strong marriage and not really necessary, they sort of made us have that youthful “falling in love again” feeling. I loved them.
@greenbutton , you’re not old you are wife who is satisfied with simple things and ways. Your post brought a smile to my face in many ways. Sounds like you and your H are both happy and lucky. <3
When the kids were young, we both worked full-time and I had a terribly long commute. I really didn’t want to take more time away from my children so we went out without them only rarely. I remember being very unhappy when DH’s cousin was given a surprise birthday party and we had to be out on a Sunday afternoon for about six hours without the kids. I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with them.
I do remember one night when our live-in nanny babysat for us on a Saturday night in November. We used the time to go to the mall and buy Christmas presents for the kids. The nanny didn’t approve!
I didn’t work when the kids were little so I definitely needed a break from them occasionally. I also didn’t have family around so the rule for many years was 8pm bedtime.
We went away for our anniversary most years. We also took trips with them.
I put everything I had into the kids, but it was important to maintain our relationship as a couple.
I’m looking at another shoulder surgery so I think we’re going to try for a quick last minute getaway. I bring or offer to bring the kids on many trips, this one is solo.
I still say folks should do what works for them - what they personally like. Assuming everyone should be “just like us” is assuming we all came out of the same mold and simply isn’t true in the same manner that we don’t all have the same love languages. Any couple should morph their lifestyle into one they enjoy helping to keep their relationship strong.
We wouldn’t give up our monthly anniversary meals out or annual anniversary trips for anything - whether we brought the kids along or not (each of those decisions being what we wanted to do at the time). The whole idea is special for us and we love it. It’s perfectly ok if others roll their eyes thinking we’re crazy - or opt to mimic what we’ve done thinking it sounds great. No one makes their relationship better solely by modeling it after what someone else does. Relationships are made better when what is being done fits the couple involved.
Offering what we’ve done (generic we) just gives others ideas of things to try if they think they’d like it. I know I don’t want flowers or chocolate or jewelry or whatever for Valentine’s Day and never have. It’s perfectly ok if others like the romance of the day. Date nights/trips are similar. Know yourselves - or try something if desired. Keep it if you like it, ditch it if not.
We always made it a priority to have some alone time for us, even if it was walking along old town streets and getting ice cream. We thought it was important to carve out time to connect and talk without them. When all 4 kids were little I had a babysitter on retainer. She could tell me what night she was free and we would leave. She came about 3 times a month. The times I had a special request she almost always could work it out. As the kids got older and did not need a sitter and I traveled a lot he would pick me up from the airport and we would go out Friday nights. We still do.
Yep always date night (often with a hotel lol) for 15 years.
Parents first!!
We spent our date night at the animal shelter, and came home with another furry friend…
When our four kids were little we never had a regular date night. We would go out without them for the occasional wedding or work party or stuff like that. As soon as the oldest was old enough to watch out for the younger three we would leave them home alone occasionally and get dinner or a movie. Not very often, though. Now the oldest at home is 16 and there are two 15 yr olds that we trust to stay alone overnight so we get away for a night or two to our vacation home without them whenever we want to. I think we still prefer each other’s company to anyone else’s so something has worked over the years (30 since first date).