<p>Much respect for that comment. </p>
<p>You hit the nail right on the head. We’re all different people and deal with things differently. Now how boring would the world be if we were all the same? LOL</p>
<p>How is American society impersonal? You’re considered weird by a lot of people if you’re not an extrovert.</p>
<p>not having friends now doesn’t mean your whole life is going to be this way. vice versa too.</p>
<p>disadvantage? hard to say… friends = connections, but friends also sort of = distractions. During dead week, people go to my university library to talk. These idiots get nothing done, and they can be incredibly annoying when sitting near you.</p>
<p>imo, it’s better to have fewer close friends than a handful of casual friends.</p>
<p>This is obviously a subjective topic, so it depends on the person. I personally think friends, as well as people/acquaintances, are necessary. They are for me at least. To each their own</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It’s both. We’re impersonal on a large scale and people don’t want to take the time to socialize, but yes you’re weird if you don’t have friends. America is a contradiction- does this surprise anyone??</p>
<p>Pffft…sanity is quite overrated.</p>
<p>If not having friends doesn’t bother you, then more power to you. I would be intensely depressed without having at least a few friends, and I think you probably miss out on some important experiences. However, if those aren’t important to you, then that’s completely and totally fine, it’s your own life and what others think really doesn’t matter at all.</p>
<p>As long as you can keep up on the social skills without having friends. Honestly, I would find it hard to keep up on something like that (having social confidence, etc) without using it in its best form: making friends. </p>
<p>Whatever.</p>
<p>LOL. I have friends. They’re just not at my college.</p>
<p>
Perhaps you’re right. However this is the last time in your life you’re going to be with literally thousands of people your own age (and incidentally screened by the admission process to resemble you in intelligence, interest in ECs, etc) , who are not raising a family or married, who have a ton of freedom in their schedule to get together, and all of whom live in close proximity.</p>
<p>Adult life does not resemble this at all. At work you’re expected to be doing the stuff the boss wants and not shooting the breeze, not that most of your coworkers who will be older and usually married are that interested in hanging out. Your time to go to clubs, gym, etc. will be after work and on weekends, a much smaller slice of time than you have now. And so on.</p>
<p>I’d add that its one thing if someone chooses not to make friends but has the ability to do so. However I wonder how often its more a matter of an inability to do so, rationalized as a “choice” that can be reversed whenever they wish. If someone can make all those friends down the road they could do so right now in college too, even if it does turn out some of those friendships fade as people move away.</p>
<p>I understand what everyone is saying, but no one seems to understand where I’m coming from. Can you not understand how frustrating for it to be to actually try, to join clubs, smile and be nice, and still have nothing come out of it? I’m done trying. I’m thankful that have 2 acquaintances that are rapidly growing into friendships, so it’s not like I’m doomed, but it’s like I’m not going to keep trying. Especially when the fact lies that there is life after college. I’m not going to beat myself up or try ten times as hard just to get a friend in college just so I could say that I have a friend. I’m not. </p>
<p>If anything, I build a deeper relationship with myself and become more independent. </p>
<p>At first, it really ate me up, but now I learned to live with it. I know that I’ve tried, I put in the effort and that’s that.</p>
<p>Well then it sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. I guess there wasn’t really a need for this topic, huh?</p>
<p>If you find it hard to make friends, consider applying to graduate school. College grads often get jobs based on connections they developed in college, but those when you have an advanced degree you can make up for your lack of connections with special skills and knowledge. Also, grad schools are organized in less impersonal way than college. If you are working on a PhD, you find yourself in small classes and working in a small group on research. Professional schools (Medical, Dental, Legal) are increasingly offering group-based learning (my college’s med school switched to group-based study recently) , as well as offer smaller total class sizes (often similar in size to a high school). Also, these professions tend to put a premium on personal competence over interpersonal connections.</p>
<p>
The question I have is why do you presume it’s going to be different once you’re done with college?</p>
<p>“How is American society impersonal? You’re considered weird by a lot of people if you’re not an extrovert.”</p>
<p>Have you heard of suburbia? Do you know what the “private” in private property means? Did you know in most other countries people go to cafes and actually talk with random strangers just for the sake of human interaction?</p>
<p>It seems that as more and more Americans live in suburbs delegated through “private” lots of land, our society becomes more impersonal. How many adults come home from work and…watch television until they go to bed, with bare-minimal interaction with family/friends?</p>
<p>I’ve traveled to plenty of American towns and many countries in Europe. Quite frankly, the American life is a lonely one. I’ve seen firsthand how much more unwilling people on the streets are to greet a passerby energetically in say, California than Italy. </p>
<p>It seems like there is absolutely no sense of national community.</p>
<p>@Mike, I’m not presuming it’s going to get better. All I’m saying is that College isn’t the end. People like to say you “need to make friends here; you make life long friends”, but so can you after College. What about those who don’t go to college at all? I’m pretty sure they have friends and best friends.</p>
<p>@augustus: I SO agree with you. Believe it or not, that’s the type of person I am. I’m outgoing and friendly, but the people at my college aren’t really like that. That’s why I give up. No one wants to venture out; everyone wants to clique up.</p>
<p>I live in NYC, and when I go to Times Sq. the tourists are so friendly and outgoing. They always stop us (Americans) to take pictures for and sometimes with them. </p>
<p>I know people may think I’m anti-social, but the one who is really anti-social is America. You hit it right on the head augustus1.</p>