sometimes …people take a job out of college…say in Louisville (randomly chosen) love the job, actually love the area…start to move up the food chain, fall in love with somebody and stay in a place they never thought would be the “place” for them.
Whoops, sounds like we are back into, “It depends…”
haha…doesn’t it, always? he’s got the girl, that’s the reason for the location. can’t fault the logic in that
This was the very decision my kid had to make when she graduated college, in the depths of the Great Recession. She had one job offer, in a horrible location – but in her chosen field. Her alternative was moving to a big city with her friends and working for minimum wage until she found something career oriented. It was a tough decision, and she had 24 hours to make it.
She decided on the job. She still has mixed feelings about whether she did the right thing. Many of her friends who took low-paying jobs are still (4-5 years later) floundering in the job market. She stayed for two years; was miserable for two years. She was much happier in the next place. Her resume looks great, but those first two years were painful.
Are you saying that the reason for your son’s geographic limitations is a relationship with a SO?
That would change the whole situation. A person who wants to get a job in Boston and only Boston because his long-term girlfriend was accepted into a graduate program at MIT is not in the same situation as a person who wants to get a job in Boston and only Boston because he thinks that Boston is a fun place to live.
One D refused to apply to the sorts of jobs that would make sense for her due to location. She was doing rural based work at that point but wanted to live in a city. She had a number of amazing internships and would return to work in restaurants here in the midwest. Then the bug for grad school hit, so we will see where that leads. I am a big fan of suck it up, and go for the job, especially in fields where there are not many positions. After a year she can apply for things in a more preferred location. There is growth in taking on a new place and challenge, even if rough for a time.
I’m with oldfort and encouraged the kids to get the job and work toward the location.
@Marian – yes, he has a serious (they speak openly about getting married) SO who will be in grad school for about 2 yrs in a program with a 98% placement rate. He’s trying to be within 2 hrs of her school, in his field. Second choice right now for him is with her, but working in a non-career track job until she graduates and they know more about location. I agree with those who say job, then location. But of course, not my decision to make.
We have encouraged them both to think broadly, but I can’t fault them for wanting to be together, regardless of the hardships. This is exactly what we did. I went to grad school, DH worked in a terrible job and we were poverty-stricken until I graduated, and then struggled after.
When DS graduated it took him four months to find a job. He ended up living at home and commuting to the new job that was 45 minutes away. He hated it. The job was not what was advertised but did give him a little experience in his field. He was with that job for 18 months.
He starts his new job on Monday and it is 15 minutes away from home. Still not where he wants to live (me either!) but it will allow him to gain more experience and more importantly save money to put in his emergency fund. He wants to live in a big city- Chicago, NYC, SF, etc. but wants to do it on his terms and not be in debt or have to worry about money. I fully expect him to save the $30K he has set as a goal within the year (he is very frugal and managed to pay off his $40K student loan debt in 15 months) and that he will then finally get motivated enough to find his new city.
As parents, we see the pit falls and want our children to miss those bumps but we also need to let them find their own path. Sometimes what we want them to do is not what they want but they still end up in a good place.
I agree that he should choose job over location. Our daughter actually broke up with her boyfriend, who we thought was Mr. Right, because she didn’t want to be locked into searching for a job in his location.
I’d say to put up with a long distance relationship and get a proper job regardless of location or at a location with an accesible airport. With two year experience in his field, he will be in a better place to get a job near his gf.
D’s professor’s advice–“Money, job satisfaction, location. Pick two.”
I think it would depend heavily on the opportunities available, but generally speaking I believe its important to sacrifice location for work experience on the first job. My first job out of college was in Seattle, and I absolutely hated it there. The job was great, but outside of work, I just felt out of place and miserable. I stuck it out for a year and a half for the work experience and left for a job in the Mojave Desert, and am now very happy (I know, I’m probably the weirdest person on here).
As much as I hated living there, that job in Seattle was a critical springboard for me.
I agreed that he should choose job over location until I found out that there was an SO in the mix.
Now it sounds like it’s not really a question of jobs vs. location. It’s a question of how to balance a relationship and a career – a challenge that most of us have faced throughout our adult lives.
Now I’m a lot more sympathetic if he chooses to prioritize the relationship over getting the best possible job.
Note that this advice does not take into consideration the possibility that a person might have a partner and that the partners might need to make compromises for the sake of each other’s needs and priorities.
I’m thinking now that what kind of career you’re in may have a critical role in how much weight is given to location. There are some you can do anywhere, and some not so much.
I agree with others that if there’s a SO in the mix, that’s going to trump everything for a lot of people. I was in my last semester of undergrad and had already been accepted to graduate school when my husband accepted a new job 800 miles away.
If I could go back in time, I would have put my foot down and made him wait until i’d gotten my bachelor’s. The job did not turn out to be as great as we thought it would be, and our house took 9 months to sell, and I had to buy winter clothes 
And I’m STILL trying to get my bachelor’s. So, bird in the hand…
Wouldn’t that get easier if OP’s S takes a proper job now and builds up his resume? He would have more opportunities when his gf gets her degree and looks for jobs together. Even if it means a long-distance relationship for two years.
I have no regrets about choosing location - though in fact if I had it to do again, I’d have been more flexible about where I went to grad school. DH to be and I were on opposite coasts. I’d been dying to live in NY and had other good reasons to choose Columbia, but unbeknownst to me Los Angeles was the center of a lot of new architectural ideas in the early 80s. I should have gone to school there and I’d probably have had an easier time finding work if I had studied in the area. Hindsight is 20/20!
I had two offers when I was finishing grad school. Both were in my field, so it wasn’t quite the same dilemma as one not being career-related. One was in Manhattan, where my salary would have meant severe scrimping (more severe than what I’d already gone through as a student living in NYC), plus I wasn’t sure the job was very stable (small consulting firm). The second was in Trenton, NJ, with better pay and good job security. I took the job in Trenton but often wish I hadn’t. The job was interesting and the people I worked with were nice, but most were 10-20 years older than me. It turned out well in the end (varied work experience, met my husband), but it was a tough few years as my social life was basically non-existent.
I have encouraged my kids to think about the trade-offs involved in where they live as young adults. To me, that doesn’t necessarily mean a specific geographic area–it’s more a choice of living in a city with cultural opportunities, professional sports, restaurants, lots of young people, etc., vs. working and living in a suburban location where your paycheck may go farther, meaning a nicer apartment, a car, etc., but not as many options outside work. Being on a career track with a decent salary doesn’t necessarily translate into a high quality of life, especially if you leave behind friends or a significant other for an area where social opportunities are limited.
Everybody’s philosophy and situation is different here. So, there are no right or wrong answers. My philosophy has been " take a job in your chosen field", but look for any job. Whichever comes first, take it. I never had a choice of location, my H. has been working at one place for few decades. If you do not like the job (first or 5th or whatever number), look for another job. The hard part comes later as for some mysterious reasons, most of the time, the offers came in bunch of 2-3. Then it is very hard to decide. I chose the right job every time with the exception of one instance, which later on worked out OK anyway. Based on this experience, I say, do not think too hard, flip the coin if not sure and let it be.
IMO it would be different if they were to get married now. But whats going to happened when she graduates? Is she going to follow him or is he going to have to put his career on hold maybe yet again to move to where she gets a job?
I would go with the job not the location if the relationship is that strong the 2 years won’t be that bad. Although hopefully he can find one close to her school.