Longtime lurker here. I’ve loved reading the advice and tips given here and on the many college threads I followed with D13 and now S17. Figured it was time to give something back.
D13 was completely uninterested in looking at any of the colleges near our house because she was afraid being too close to home would make her feel less independent. We are fortunate to have 3 good to excellent colleges within a half hour drive of our house. We insisted that she throw in an application to all 3(our first child and we were scared to let her fly too far from the nest)
She did, on the condition that we let her apply to some colleges that weren’t high on our list because of the distance. I suppose we compromised.
Long story short, her top 3 choices ended up being a college 25 miles away, one that was 500 miles away and the third 3000 miles away. Well, of course, we wanted her to drop no. 3. She did, even though that was the college with the best financial package, because she hadn’t visited the campus and had no real feeling for the college itself.
It was a tough choice for her between the remaining 2. We talked about it all through April. H and I used all the arguments to persuade her to stay close. In the end she did choose that college, has loved her time there and wouldn’t change it if she had the choice. All 3 schools were in the top 20 and great fit for her but the college closest to us was the highest ranked for what she wanted to study. That may have helped the argument a bit too.
But in terms of seeing her more often, she made the decisions. There were no spontaneous drop-in visits on either side. She came home only(not even laundry drops) during the big breaks when the college is closed. She called us once every 2 weeks, texted a couple of times a week if that and she threw herself into every activity that was available there even on the weekends. She found a great group of friends that first year and it has been a great experience for her.
FWIW, she does call and visit more often now. We have a closer relationship with her now and I think it’s because it’s on her terms.