OP: I just want to say how very, very sorry I am that you have to go through this. It is unfair. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You should not have to hide who you ARE.
Unfortunately, I think your best strategy is to hide your sexual orientation for now. Please realize that most kids have to hide sexual activity from their parents. Not the same, I know, not even close, but maybe it helps a little?
Please realize that 4 years is short and your goal needs to be to get an education so you can support yourself and then be your authentic self. In the meantime, if you can get away to college, hopefully there you can get more support and be more able to live openly.
(((((Hugs)))) and good luck. Not everyone out here is a bigot.
@philbegas She kind of did “The feeling of living a double life because of hiding a secret is just horrible.” I can’t imagine how tough this is for a teen and how it could be causing all sorts of mental trauma. I mean I agree maybe hiding it is the right answer, maybe. But that’s a lot of pressure and we don’t know how she’s really feeling inside.
Kids should be able to talk to their parents about anything and expect unconditional love. I’d hate to see her feel worse and worse about it without someone to help her cope. The right therapist can be great to help sort out emotions, provide better coping skills and even help her to think through what everyone is saying here on this thread.
Also @MatzoBall it is not true that a therapist has to divulge information if you are a minor, in fact, it’s the opposite for adolescents over the age of 14 (which was a huge surprise to me when I took my underage daughter to therapy last year). There is a short list of things they have to divulge - and not necessarily just to the parents - if you are a danger to yourself or others, etc. They make parent and child sign off on this. So you would know exactly what can be divulged and what cannot.
I will only tell students the facts: You will not be considered independent unless you meet the requirements to be independent. You MIGHT be able to get a dependency override based on your individual situation - based on facts as documented at the time you apply to colleges - and you must get the override again every year, based on the facts as documented each year. There is no way to know whether or not a particular school will give a dependency override … one school may say yes and another may so no, given the exact same set of facts. And if you are granted an override, you may not be eligible for much (at the most, perhaps a Pell grant, SEOG, loans at the independent level for year in school, and maybe some institutional grant money). Generally speaking, the amount will not be enough to cover the cost of tuition,fees, room & board.
I would never instruct a student that they should or should not come out. That is an individual decision. However, I do STRONGLY suggest that students should seek counseling in OP’s situation. The decision whether or not to come out should be made based on what is best for the individual, and professional assistance in making this determination is encouraged.
I do not believe that this decision should be made based on what someone thinks it would net in terms of increased (or decreased) financial aid. Once the decision is made, the questions about how financial aid comes into play will follow.
^^I agree. I always have an issue with people on CC advising students to lie to parents, to get counseling/not get it, to make major life decisions based on advise from strangers.
I agree with Kelsmom except that the student, because she is from Florida, might get a good deal of money if poor and independent - Pell, SEOG, state grants, bright futures, Stafford loans, work study - may be enough to pay for state tuition/R&B that comes in under $20k full price. Some of the schools give merit too. Florida is not a bad state to have to cover COA.
Also, my daughter had some counseling in Florida and the counselor met with me first to say that she would not/could not share anything with me that they talked about in a session. My daughter was 16 I think, so I don’t know the cut off in Florida.
All counseling whether in school or outside counseling is confidential. The are reminded that counselor/therapist are mandated reporters and that the only time that confidentiality is broken if in cases where some one is harming the student or the student is harming themselves or others (and the student child is told this at the first counseling session )
I’m very sorry you’re experiencing this OP, but keeping this from your parents until college graduation seems like the only feasible option. At college, you will meet many supportive friends and be able to join all sorts of LGBTQ organizations, which should help you cope with not telling your family. You’ll spend most of your time there anyways, so the weight of the secret won’t be as burdensome as it is now. Depending on the school, you can also attend free therapy sessions at the university’s health center, and by that time you’ll be 18 so no divulging risk.