<p>Don’t your parents realize they’re causing you to miss part of the class, as well as pull another kid into not paying attention, and cause you to look rude if you ever DO get a teacher with half a brain?? Maybe you want to retrain your parents before you get to college and they call you in the midst of a class or great social opporrtunity! </p>
<p>How about the vibrate function on your cell? If it’s a missed call, you can return it inbetween classes. </p>
<p>I teach h.s. age kids afterschool, and our big faculty discussion this year was what to do about parents cellphoning in during class with take-home arrangements. It’s disruptive!!</p>
<p>That’s a bit extreme, no? It’s only a letter after all. Being able to use the computer is a much more useful skill than knowing high school chemistry.</p>
<p>Last year when ZG first started driving to school, there was one day that she forgot to leave me a message that she had arrived in school. I called the office and explained my paranoia and asked if her attendance had been taken. It turned out to be her lunch period, so the principal marched into the cafeteria, pulled her out to tell me she was safe and reminded her that driving was a privilege that came with responsibilities, particularly for a new driver. She never forgot again. oh, the reason I was so concerned (aside from her safety, of course), was that for a period of about six weeks last year ZG brought the 8 year old to school and I needed to know if he had given her trouble.</p>
<p>Ha…good response. Believe me, he knows how to use the computer. The letter grade isn’t even the issue, it’s the way he was spending his time…too much time online and not much time studying. I think now that he’s a senior and has the opportunity for some good scholarships because of his GPA & class ranking he’s probably glad that we pushed him a little. That’s my point, all 3 of mine are different. My middle one pushes herself too hard and I have to tell her to lighten up. My youngest also pushes herself too hard because academics come much harder to her and she has to follow her brother and sister through the same teachers. Anyway, she knows that as long as she’s trying her grades aren’t the issue, it’s the effort and having the right priorities that really matters.</p>
<p>Armando, you’re too much! I see where you’re headed with that one.
</p>
<p>I’m tapping out the following story about “what is the most important skill for your child…” for you to enjoy:</p>
<p>I’ve taken issue, diplomatically I hope, with parents IRL (in real life) when they pushed their kids to the point of near ruin. The battle I’m proudest of was with the mom of S-1’s best friend in 8th grade. Understandably, she worried he was flunking math and wanted him to study harder. She threatened to take away his dearest possession, his cello, which he practiced for hours daily, until his math grades improved. I phoned her and said from what I saw of her boy, the cello was his inspiration and if he couldn’t play it, he might really get depressed and do even worse in math. She relented and just let him stay up later to do both things. Today he’s a symphonic-level cellist. Who knows how he’s doing in math? I hope he can balance his checkbook.</p>
<p>I would bet big bucks that in our high school, if a kid were caught using a cell phone in the building during regular school hours, it would get immediately taken away. That being said, I have text messaged my kid, or left a message that I know they waited until either after school to get (when they turned their phones back on), or picked up at lunch time if they were going off campus. </p>
<p>Regarding the entry… although I certainly believe that parents like this one exist, I also know that plenty of times, kids have been known to post experiences on websites that are way overexaggerated. It would be interesting to hear the mother’s side of the story.</p>
<p>There are 2 issues – the content and timing of the call. The response of the school is telling, that they phoned and took issue with the parent (or so the kid says – we at least know the school called to say “something” then…). I’m sure it wasn’t lost on the school admin that they’d been lied to about “family emergency.”</p>
<p>We parents can’t have it both ways. We tell the kids that school is their workplace, their job, and to take it seriously. If a kid were to call a parent out of work claiming “emergency” to pick or even continue an old fight, we’d say that’s a terrible violation. </p>
<p>All I see at the end of the h.s. years of kids “managed” this way by parents are kids who can’t wait to go far away to college. Their best friend will be those privacy laws that let them keep their college grades to themselves.</p>
<p>a little background garnered from other posts of the student who originally posted this on the high school forum thread… the student is ranked 1/100 in a competitive private high school, and this is the first B they’ve gotten in high school. Otherwise, this is a very, very bright, motivated student. Yea, the mom is way out of control.</p>
<p>^^agree…there is the one issue of lying that it was a family emergency to get him out of class and there is the issue of grounding him for a 90! (which may be a B at his school…so what…but at ours would be an A-). This feels abusive to me. Really sad for this amazing student.</p>
<p>(reminds me of AP Frank’s mom in The Over Achievers book)</p>
<p>Given that the school was manipulated in order to help this mother to behave in such a harmful way toward her child, I hope that someone from the school’s administration or counseling office will call her in and scare the youknowwhat out of her. Perhaps they could convince her that exerting this sort of pressure on this sort of kid can cause the kid to burn out with could produce (dum da dum dum) lower grades. At very least, if the school has a counselor who actually counsels, I hope that the kid will be able to find some support there. If the mother is behaving this way in a quasi-public forum, I wonder with trepidation what goes on behind closed doors at her house…</p>
<p>Did someone go to the high school thread and tell the kid to read this one?</p>
<p>I know plenty of parents who would be thrilled with a 90. And even if this parent isn’t thrilled, grounding isn’t an appropriate response for a slightly-less-than-perfect grade. And besides that, she couldn’t wait until the kid came home to talk about it? And the mom probably caused the kid to screw up an AP test? If I knew this family I’d be sorely tempted to report the mom to authorities as emotionally abusive. Someday this poor kid is going to rebel and do something WORTH getting grounded over. This mom needs to be slapped upside the head (figuratively speaking, of course). How totally awful. I feel so sorry for a kid growing up with such a wacko parent.</p>
<p>No. Although he misused his time, that is a BS policy in my opinion. If your reasoning is college admissions, tell him that, and remind him that GPA is important. If it is schollie money, tell him that if he misses out on x scholarship money because of this, he’ll have to pay it rather than you.</p>
<p>It is his fault he is lazy. And maybe he is doing that because <em>he doesn’t care that much</em> or whatever other reason. That is a legit reasoning, his life shouldn’t be what you want it to be, but what he does.</p>
<p>On top of that, a chem test can be ridiculously hard, obviously that class wasn’t, but the chem 2 class at my school had a test where the high was a 36%, another where the high was a 56, and a third with a 63. If he had gotten one of those tests, he would have been screwed by your numerical, rather than effort/personal influences.</p>
<p>If I have a kid doing worse than he/she should, I’d explain the problems with that, and what they are costing themselves. Threats serve only to divide the family in my experience.</p>
<p>Obviously I’m not the parent of your kids, so it isn’t my right to dictate what you should do, but I very much disagree with that method personally.</p>
<p>Wow, I’m sorry I created such a commotion. Just to let you know: I’m not asian (for those who asked on the other thread) nor female. Also, to clarify something: I love my mom and she’s actually very caring, but she expects a lot out of me (a little too much, I think). It’s tough because my dad could care less about my grades and is not the best role model (though he does stick up for me when my mom goes berserk about my grades). To tell you the truth, I don’t really mind having a B or two because having all A’s puts a lot of pressure on me. Finally, I’m sorry I couldn’t post earlier as I’m not allowed on the computer unless it’s homework-related.</p>
<p>That being said, my mom is good person and a decent mom, but when it comes to “bad” grades, I’m terrified of her.</p>
<p>Oh and thanks to paying3tuitions for informing me about this thread.</p>
<p>You are right that a couple of Bs are fine in a stellar record. </p>
<p>You are a good student and a good son, with a good head on your shoulders. It’s great you realize that your mom’s actions spring from love for you, and that you do return her love. </p>
<p>It is possible your mom is overcompensating for your dad’s lack of involvement in your studies and other parts of your life. Can you sit down with your mom and tell her that you are doing the very best you can; that her concerns are groundless; that her pressure on you to always achieve the highest marks is counterproductive because anxiety and tension–not to mention being yanked out of class during a test–actually reduce your ability to focus on the work at hand? If you put it this way, she may be able to back off a bit.</p>
<p>It might have been uncomfortable to read others taking aim at your mom. Understand that many of us parents disagreed strongly with her one action that one day, but we have no reason to know or comment about how much she helps you in many other ways that only you know. Personally I’m relieved to hear you say she has many other redeeming qualities – as you said, “a good person and a decent mom.” </p>
<p>So we disliked her behavior over that one incident, not disliked her, in other words.</p>
<p>I sure wonder, though why she’s such a tiger over grades. You used the phrase, “terrified” of her over “bad” grades. Yes, you’re right to put your own quotation marks around “bad” there, since an occasional “b” isn’t bad. C’s and D’s are bad.</p>
<p>Does she think that if you have any “B” on your transcript you won’t get into a fine college? There are plenty, plenty of kids at top colleges and unis with some B’s on their h.s. transcript. It’s just not true that a top college needs to see “all A’s for 4 years” to want you, so she’s setting a higher standard than the schools themselves.</p>
<p>Does she have any communication going with your GC to redirect her misguided understanding about “perfection” and getting into colleges. Maybe she sees you as Smart (probably you are) but she doesn’t know where there is wiggle-room in the admissions process for top schools.</p>
<p>Do you think your h.s. dean would be able to call off the exam grade on the test you just took because you got called away from it inappropriately for whatever it was, 15 min or so…</p>
<p>I was thinking, had the school suddenly had a fire, bomb scare or other reason to evacuate, a dean might be able to get on a phone and get standardized test results thrown out for all the students taking it.</p>
<p>Just a thought. Since he witnessed it, and called your mom afterwards, he’s able to back up that you were called out unfairly. WOuld you have another chance to take it? OF course, if you think you did well enough anyway, then who cares…</p>
<p>cosine, no one here meant to upset you and I hope you didn’t read it that way. We just wanted you to know that your original post was NOT out of line - you had a right to be perturbed with your mom. Her actions were not appropriate, nor were they in your best interest. She may be a good mom overall, but calling you at school to ground you over a 90 on a report card is NOT supportive parenting. I hope this wasn’t a typical incident, and if it was, you have our sympathy for having to grow up with unreasonable expectations and pressure.</p>