BK your analysis is excellent and well-put.
I would say that the advice from lookingforward and me may reflect some exposure to various applicant’s efforts to be “creative” and “unique.” A little Strunk and White could go far.
I think we all agree, just putting it a little differently. To the original poster, your essay will most likely be read in its entirety if admissions is on the fence about you, as BK said.
In general, an essay is pretty neutral. A really bad one can harm, and really outstanding one can help, but, for the reasons outlined by BK, most have much less effect on admissions than commonly thought.
So don’t stress and most of all, be yourself.