Can you clarify? Are you hoping that her college professors will grade her work on a different scale from that of her classmates?
Also, have you considered taking her to a psychiatrist?
Sorry she deals with those and hope you find an underlying cause and remedy soon…Going back to your initial question and just assuming it isn’t granted “disability status” for conversation sake - it can vary greatly depending on school and each professor. My student had one math professor that gave quizzes every Friday. If you weren’t there for whatever reason - traveling athlete with note, in the hospital with doctor’s note, whatever - you got a zero on that quiz. No negotiating. I assume her thought was if she gave them every Friday, a student shouldn’t miss so many that it flunks you, but it did certainly hurt your grade if you caught a couple zeros. And this way, she didn’t have to deal with special cases. I had a traveling athlete who missed a lot of Fridays so it hurt grade wise. On the other side, another professor would send full midterms with him to take on the plane, overseen by one of the staff/tutors that traveled with them. It can just really vary.
In some cases, going to high school is nothing like college in terms of attention and empathy; you aren’t in Kansas anymore. While some will be kind and understanding, for others, it is simply survival of the fittest. Of course, there are colleges where you really do know your professors, so maybe a smaller school would be better for her than a huge school, it just depends. I have one that had surgery over winter break (at a large private) and all of his professors let him move his finals up earlier so he could get back for it. It can vary at a school and within a school, but overall, mine have had pretty good reactions to one off situations, yours is different cause it could be more of a regular thing, which is why checking into options with disability office is a good start. It is great you are doing some research into this ahead of time, allowing you to understand a good fit for her. I wish you all well.
My kid had a medical emergency her senior year of college second quarter. Quarters are onlynabout 10-11 weeks long. She was in the hospital for a week, and not able to attend classes for an additional week. The third week, she was able to go part time.
When she was admitted, she immediately contacted both her advisor and the dean of students…and ALL of her professors. Truthfully…missing almost three weeks of classes had issues. The college worked very well with her to complete as many courses as possible. She did have to drop one course…it was just not possible to make up the lost information (higher level math course) so she retook that her final term.
My point is…if your daughter misses a lot of classes and information, SHE may find it stressful and difficult to make up the information taught. This is especially problematic for lab courses.
My kid’s school worked with her somshe could,complete,as many courses as possible…but really…it would not have surprised us at all if she had been required to withdraw for that term (it would,have been a medical withdrawal…and that is what her dropped course was.
So…even WITH a doctor’s note…and a good reason for absences, your daughter might not be able to complete all of her courses IF she misses a lot of classes.
Sorry, but “pressure red flag” went off. Does the school district put out a chart of where kids rank? That is made public? I just realized why a lot of schools don’t rank.
Sorry she’s having this issue. As a professor, I can grant accommodations to someone who has filed “accessibility” paperwork but not for even a lovely person who has not. My general attendance policy is that attendance is voluntary but there are no makeups for missed work - and we do group work/participatory exercises in almost every class. That can add up to a good chunk of the grade. Many of my colleagues have stricter policies (“three absences and then your grade suffers”) so it’s a good idea to look into those formal accommodations.
@scotlandcalling … when we go in for our yearly gifted program meeting, they tell us privately. They don’t say who is above or below - just our daughter’s rank.
I am so sorry to hear this, I really feel for your daughter.
This is totally unwanted advice from someone who knows nothing, except that a good friend’s daughter suffered with terrible migraines twice a month, then more often, for six years. It made school a nightmare. I can’t begin to imagine how your child copes, but I can tell you that for my friend’s D, it became clear that as she progressed through high school, her migraines became worse because of the awful vicious circle of being ill, missing school, making up work, and always always trying to catch up, then being ill again. She couldn’t ever catch up. The migraines were initally induced by her monthly cycle, but as they worsened, it was stress induced.
This girl applied to college and deferred. She has taken a gap year, and her migraines only happen once a month now, or less. She has spent this year practicing and using stress reduction techniques so that she can succeed in college.
I think also that ten migraines is totally extreme. Have you considered home schooling? It might work wonders. Meanwhile, in your shoes, I would explore other options beyond the neurologists’ office. No doubt you have already considered dozens of possibilities, but ten migraines make me wonder if the issue could be something like mold spores, or food related. Best of luck to your daughter, I hope her condition can be controlled better.
I am sure you have tried, but have you been able to identify any triggers? Lack of sleep, hormones (that is what triggered mine), certain foods, stress (or when the stress is over?), dehydration? My son had migraines and things actually got better in college because his schedule was less rigid in terms of where he had to be at what time. No more getting to school by 7:30 am and being busy until the evening and then trying to do homework.
I hope she can figure it out. Migraines are so horribly painful and 10 a month are certainly a disability.
Thanks @Lindagaf ( and all who offered support ).
No, no home schooling. She absolutely LOVES school. It would crush her to not go.
To address a point someone asked… NO, I am not hoping teachers offer a preferential treatment as far as grades go. But I do know it will be tons harder in college than high school if she keeps having these migraines. She knows it too, and she will be really sad if she can’t maintain an A average… the other day she said “Dad, do you know I have NEVER had a grade below an A-? I want to do that all the way through college if I can.”
Now, I know that won’t likely happen even if she is healthy, but I truly love her determination.
Her determination is wonderful, but I wonder if all that pressure she is putting on herself to be close to perfect is adding to her stress level.
Guess what- there are millions of happy and productive people who got B’s in college. And C’s.
You can love your D’s determination but still try to help her understand that college is way harder and faster paced than HS and the goal should NOT be to get a string of A’s, but to challenge herself, learn cool new stuff, learn to think and write in a much more sophisticated way, get exposed to ideas and people who are different from the way she grew up, etc.
You are describing an iffy way to approach senior year of HS, let alone college. What happens if she gets a B? Nothing. If she has perfectionist tendencies, parents can pile on the pressure without even realizing it because they are so gosh darn proud of her determination.
Give her permission not to be so determined. Give her permission to be ordinary some days.
Praise her efforts even if she gets B or C grades.
I was one of those kids who put tremendous pressure on herself to succeed in high school. I got tons of headaches and almost always had cold sores due to stress. I missed a lot of school due to headaches and stomachaches. For me, something just flipped when I was a HS senior, and I decided to ease up on myself. My headaches were pretty minimal by the time I got to college. I LOVED college. I still got high grades, but didn’t freak out when I got a B (or even a couple of Cs!). So it is possible to get better! It wasn’t my parents pressuring me. My mom told me she thought about giving me money if I did NOT get an A in a class! Counseling would probably have helped me, but I didn’t know there was such a thing.
What a terrible response based on your having ZERO knowledge about how I interact with my daughter(s). I tell her all the time to just do the best she can do, and we will be proud… That might include a B or a C.
My other daughter is her twin… same exact grades except a C in Latin, and a C in Tech ed. I let her know it was just fine because she did her best.
The competition they have is between themselves, not with trying to make the parents happy.
I do hope your daughter finds herself NOT having all those headaches in a year…or so.
My concern is this…the school may say that there is no penalty for missed classes. But the underlying issue (as with my daughter) was that she missed SOOOOO much information being absent that she could NOT make up,or do the work. There are some classes where really…missing a LOT of classes in a term will jeopardize your daughter’s ability to actually progress and do the required work.
I would be VERY alert to the add/drop dates once she gets to college…realizing this is two full years plus from now. In addition, I would gain some familiarity with medical withdrawals from classes. Hopefully, you won’t need either…but best to be informed.
The other thing you might want to consider is tuition insurance.
The great thing about a message board is that you get to decide which of the many responses apply in your particular situation and which do not. Someone may post about their own migraines which were eventually diagnosed as a weird presentation of Hashimoto’s- and now that they are being treated for Hashimoto’s, the migraines have gone away. You get to say to yourself, “nope, she saw an endocrinologist who has ruled out anything of that sort”. Or someone may tell you that college ABC is fantastic for kids like yours because you can add or drop classes up until the midterm with no penalty (financial or academic) but college ABC doesn’t have the kind of majors or courses that your D is looking for.
You get to decide how much is relevant. But once you’ve added the “never got anything below an A- and I hope to do the same in college” to the picture of chronic migraines a different picture starts to emerge.
All schools might not be this kind, but the two that my ill son dropped out of both refunded all of his tuition and fees. I really did find people to be very understanding and generous.
I am dealing with this same question with my D who will be starting college in the fall. She has about 6 severe migraines a month. If she doesn’t stop and close her eyes and stay in a dark room, they will last for 24 hours, and involve vomiting etc. If she stops and closes her eyes in a quiet room, usually she will feel better in 6 hours or so, or overnight. She is VERY stressed about how things will go in her classes, and how this will work with a roommate.
As someone said upthread, migraines are an “invisible” disability. There is little sympathy from others involving the real struggle for sufferers, and EVERYONE wants to tell you what you are doing wrong. What did you eat? Did you not sleep enough? Did you sleep too much? Too much/not enough caffeine. It’s not that easy, there are so many factors. Stress, hormones, flickering lights, smells, heat, muscle tension. Genetics. Believe me, it’s hard enough what they have to suffer without everyone telling them what they are doing wrong or should have done differently. Then there is the perpetual search for just the right painkiller at just the right moment, how much to take, how far to space them, is this causing a rebound headache which is just as bad?
I can’t tell you how many things the poor kid has had to miss out on while she suffered. But she’s determined not to miss out on the college experience.
I am a professor who is generally kind to my students, but a college class requires a specific amount of work, far more than a high school class. Syllabus set out the requirements for both the students and the professor, and those requirements should be honored. The requirements can had some give, but everyone needs to attend to the same plan. Otherwise, any pretense of fairness and consistent learning outcomes disappears. Consequently I can’t accommodate all absences, late projects, etc.
Many students–especially students who need accommodation (and one of my children does)–benefit from being a big fish in a small pond. Rather than striving/struggling to meet the requirements, some students do much better if the demands of the course are not taxing and stressful in ways that impact their abilities. In your daughter’s case, it also makes sense to pick a major that doesn’t have lots of courses that require attendance; for example, a major heavy in lab sciences would be difficult. I once had a sight impaired student in a reading and writing intensive course. Even with lots of accommodation (my time), he should have failed the course. I didn’t fail him, couldn’t quite be that fair, but I don’t know how the course (and major) set him up for later success. If he was my child, I would have sent him in a different direction.
I would change my focus from preparing for college to preparing for life. How is she going to hold a job or commute or whatever if this problem continues? Can she function as an independent adult if it does continue? Colleges are not anywhere near as supportive as high schools but are much more supportive than adult life. Do you have any hope this condition will improve?