My kid got merit from a number of schools. We were not seeking it – it was an incentive from those schools to enroll. And it was a thumb on the scale as he was deciding.
While we had saved enough over the years, I agree that the conversation about “chasing merit” was not one we were hearing. There were, however, many opportunities to learn more about need based FA.
We did not submit FAFSA. He did complete his service enrollment form.
As for fair, schools are building communities and need all types. Parents tend to prioritize what their kids have achieved as most important - not surprising! Even on the academic front, there are needs for AIME winners as well as future Latin scholars. This isn’t a trial for a 4×100 relay where there is one factor that determines which 4 get chosen. If you want merit at a school, you will need to have a higher academic rating than most students admitted and bring something to the community it needs. The latter part will be impossible for you to assess, but it doesn’t mean it’s unfair. Just not the rules you would have chosen!