I’m responding late but this is a topic near and dear to me.
Yes, I had dreams of my daughter’s future. Not Ivy League, but just happy and active and good grades and a choice of solid universities to choose from.
But she has always had severe depression and anxiety. In 11th grade, she missed two months of school because she couldn’t get out of bed. She can’t take normal, everyday, stress, much less anything out of the ordinary. She doesn’t have good social skills - she has a few friends but is awkward and shy. She has been in therapy in years, and that might be the reason she actually got through high school and hasn’t actually tried to kill herself.
She is of average intelligence. Math is a mystery to her. Anxiety prevents her from doing presentations in front of a class. She went to one term of college last year and came home every weekend because she was having so much trouble adjusting. She went to a local school in the spring but couldn’t take the academic pressure and had to withdraw.
Now she’s working part-time. Her first job, at age 19, because she has had so much trouble interviewing. The plan is to go back to school part time in the fall. But I’m not sure she can even handle that. I’d rather she take more time off, but she wants to go back.
Her grades range from As in English to D and F in Math and Science. I have severe doubts she will ever get through college and I’m not sure what other options could work for her. I don’t think living at home is a good thing for her, because she needs to be at least semi-independent and grow up. She doesn’t date because of low self-esteem and social skills. She sees no future for herself. She is stubborn and angry and sad and feels hopeless.
So if someone wants to look down on her crappy grades and uncertain future, they can take a long flying leap. They don’t know what we’ve gone through to even get her to high school graduation. They don’t know what we go through every day. You could expect my daughter to get As but that doesn’t mean she would have. Not everyone has the academic and emotional capabilities to do that. And no, her school did not hand out Bs for attendance. B’s were earned. Some of the hardest work she did was in classes where she ended up with a C.
She has a friend who’s father insists she major in Business. She has no interest in it. I look at the father and think - he doesn’t know how lucky he is. He has a daughter who can handle college, has lots of friends, has been working since she was 16. She should be able to choose her major and choose what she wants to do for a living.
My mom doesn’t get it. She knows a lot about what’s going on with my daughter. But she’ll always comment about the impracticality of a Psychology major or whether she’s working enough hours at her job. My god, if she can’t pass basic math and can’t handle a full-time schedule, I’m really not too worried about her major. If it took her three years to get a job, I’m not going to nitpick about whether she’s working 20 or 30 hours a week.
Sorry for the thesis. But there are a lot of parents out there who are clueless. They have no idea how lucky they are.