I agree that “it depends.” If a parent has to go to the school to pick up the student and drive him or her home, sure, help with the packing, too. If not, I’d encourage the student to do the packing on his or her own. D2 had a car for two years at college. At the end of junior year, she needed to leave for a summer internship the day after she finished finals (before the dorms were scheduled to close), so H and I drove to her college together; helped her some with packing on Saturday night; took her to the airport bright and early Sunday morning; drove back to campus and finished packing up her room; then each took a vehicle back home with D2’s nonstored and nonsummer things.
Haven’t had to worry about this yet, but…No way. Holy cow, if they can’t pack a few suitcases and arrange a bit of help, then they might as well start learning. They can’t hold doors open for each other? Certainly when the kid is a senior, that might be a good time to help.
It’s different for those who need to ship their possessions and travel by plane, but…
Long ago, when I first met the man I later married, he was still a student.
One day, I saw him “pack” his clothes to bring home at the end of a semester. Everything that was on hangers stayed on hangers. He simply removed the hangers from the closet pole, in chunks, and laid the clothes across the back seat of the car, on top of whatever other stuff he was bringing home. He was astounded that anyone would even consider putting clothes in suitcases or boxes for an end-of-semester move because it would mean taking them all off the hangers and then putting them back on the hangers later.
I thought this was a great idea and adopted it myself. And I taught it to my kids.
The only time my kids’ clothes were packed in boxes or suitcases for move-in or move-out was during freshman move-in, when getting the stuff into the dorm room quickly and vacating your parking space was a priority. Every other time, the clothes traveled loose, on hangers.
Quite possibly, we are utter savages.
If you’re utter savages, so am I. I did fly home for summers. I was able to store things with friends over the summer. I packed my hanging clothes still on hangars in a big box. Worked fine, and much easier. The only use for a suitcase was to fly home with the stuff that was coming with me.
My take on this… “Well, they need help packing up if they’re likely to throw stuff away because it’s too much trouble to pack!”
Don’t we learn as parents that when our kids say, “But everybody is doing it this way!” that it turns out that’s never true? 
She can handle it. Kids in their early teens in boarding school handle it fine. My kid, who had the experience of doing it in boarding school, flew out alone to start college and is flying back alone. It was harder for me not to be there to see the dorm room, etc. than it was for my kid. Thank god for Parents Weekend.
Also, why the need to ship things home? I’d argue pack a large bag or two for the summer and everything else goes into storage.
@janjmom you have echoed my thoughts. For us it isn’t about whether or not our daughter can do it, it’s more why not go and “help”? We live 1600 miles away from where she attends and her dad will be hopping a flight in June to go help close down her Freshman dorm living experience. Like you, it is more of a time to spend together before returning to the “real world” and the distractions and busy schedules.
Could she do it by herself? Absolutely and she had planned on doing so. She was excited though at the prospect of her dad coming to help when I inquired if she would be interested. They will have two days of just the two of them to talk and be together. Is it necessary that he go? No, but in our case we aren’t looking at this through that lens.
My moving tip o’ the day if driving - grab a large chunk of clothes on hangers and take a kitchen or yard sized (better and stronger) trashbag, poke hole in bottom and use them like a wardrobe bag from a department store. Cinch or tie at bottom. You can also rubber band the hangers to keep them together at the top. Then they can be laid, folded, or smushed in about any place in the car and can take less space than a box.
We also take them to school that way (again, if driving) that way they are ready to just hang up when they get there, no need to have box and separate hangers with all the work. Saves time on move in day!
Sounds like you dont want to go and/or dont want to spend the money–tell her the truth–she’s on her own and she can call you for advice.
“For us it isn’t about whether or not our daughter can do it, it’s more why not go and “help”?”
$$$ airfare, hotel, rental car, etc. That said, if that’s the way you want to spend the $ and it works for you, more power to you.
I’d love to go, but it’s expensive.
We didn’t “help” our kids pack up, except the year we were there for S’s graduation that coincided with moving times and dates. That was much more arduous than we had anticipated, as it was stuff from both of their places, moving it into storage and then from storage to H’s new place after a celebratory road trip. Normally, our kids were on their own, tho D was lucky that the 1st few years, S was at same campus and really helped her much more than she realized.
Let her pack. You are totally reasonable. But to get it in the right frame of mind…
What are the priorities of what to keep and ship or just toss?
It’s great to have guidelines. And knowing the guidellines are from parents is even better.
Bedding? Very bulky. Let it go.
Appliances? Got storage? Maybe–it might be cheaper to re-buy than actually store over the summer. Microwaves, refrig etc.
Furniture?–If storing you can cram a lot of extras in.
My experience: Kid after two years could put everything he wanted to cart back and forth to college in the backseat of a small car. Including the microwave. I decided the problem was not what he needed but what tI thought he needed.
The new lesson: “Mom, if it’s still in the bottom of my closet at home–I don’t need it. Get rid of it.”
Both my kids went to college several states away. I never went at the end of the year. I did try to give them a full day after their last final to deal with it (did not fly them home that next day, waited one more day). Did pick up D1 with car at graduation, and expect to do the same with D2.
I with those who never helped. EVER. (it would have never occurred to me)That’s one of the many things they need to learn how to do themselves. Just like the “big kids”.
If there is a service to pick up the boxes, I wouldn’t go. I give them an extra day after finals to get packed before flying home. the privilege of going to school far from home is then needing to learn to help get yourself packed!
Even if there isn’t a service (or if there is one but one wants to save a little), a college student can deal IMO. My freshman and a couple friends are arranging for climate controlled storage for the group. They’ll handle it and I love to see them coordinating and cooperating together. It’s all a good thing and good life skills. 
@doschicos I’m uncertain why the need for your passive aggressive reply. I simply agreed with @janjmom that our family wasn’t viewing this as whether or not our daughter was capable of closing and packing up on her own but rather if we were able to and she wanted the help then why not go. That for us there was more to it then helping an 18 year old pack up a room. I made no suggestion that anyone else should follow or agree with our reasons or that other’s opinions and reasoning were faulty.
Our D1 uses a storage service in DC. They drop off boxes, and then pick up the packed boxes a week later. She crams what she wants in her suitcases, and hops a plane home. However, I always go back with in the fall. Its nice to have a car, do the grocery shopping etc.
I was surprised my D didn’t ask me to come help her pack up. She and a friend split a storage pod; the company brings them to campus and then removes them. She managed to get to the post office to ship a couple of boxes home. It was nice in the fall that we just had to drop her at the airport with her 2 suitcases to go back. This summer she is moving to another part of the state that her college is in for an internship, I did tell her if she needed me to help her get settled there I would, but if they find a furnished place she may not need me at all! Yay!