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Kindergarten worked for me. </p>
<p>One aspect of “parenting” was helping my kids build self-advocacy skills. That meant that when the kids would come home with a problem or complaint about a teacher, my first recourse was to suggest to my child ways to address the issue on his/her own. When my daughter was unhappy with her kindergarten teacher, I encouraged my daughter to write a letter to the teacher voicing her complaints. I did set up a conference with the teacher – but I asked my daughter to first write the letter, and then give the letter to me to bring to the teacher. </p>
<p>I assumed that by high school my kids would manage course selection, and working with the high school g.c., on their own. If there was a serious problem that arose – then of course parents were standing by to intervene. When my son was in high school, a teacher walked up to him and slapped him for no apparent reason – the incident was witnessed and verified by a classroom aid – so we got involved. Teachers shouldn’t go around hitting students, and we parents got involved because we didn’t want my son returning to that classroom, and the school would not approve his request to be changed to a different class. </p>
<p>But absent major problems, my kids handled those issues on their own. I never met my son’s g.c. or even knew her name until after all college apps had been submitted, but he apparently knew her well. There was extra contact involved because of his National Merit status – my son was the first NM-qualifier the school had, at least during that particular g.c.'s tenure, so he had to nudge her to make sure papers were submitted on time. My d’s school had a part-time g.c. on staff to focus solely on college admissions – actually paid for with PTA funds - and he would set up meetings with each of the students, send an email bulletin around to families who subscribed, and hold some info session for parents. I attended the info sessions, and corresponded by email when I had questions – but I certainly didn’t tell him how to do his job – and I let my daughter handle all the issues concerning recommendations. When it came to high school course enrollment, there was a particular g.c. who my daughter had serious issues with – my daughter complained rather vociferously – but I never met the person and let my daughter work it out. </p>
<p>In my view, “parenting” means helping young children develop the life skills to function independently when they reach adulthood. Adolescence is a time of transition. To me that means a time when the young person will be encouraged to take as much responsibility as possible for managing their own school affairs, knowing that they can come to the parents for advice and support, and for intervention when they run into problems they can’t manage. </p>
<p>I certainly did not take a hands-off approach in high school, but I did my parenting at home, not by butting in at school. </p>
<p>You wrote:
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<p>Why do you think the parent should be modeling behavior, as opposed to encouraging their kids to take on these responsibilities early on? When my daughter was in 9th grade, concerned about potential course assignment in 10th grade, she camped out in front of her gc’s office for hours the day before course registration was to begin, in order to make sure that she could voice her concerns ahead of time. I didn’t even know about it until the day after it happened. I think there’s a value in learning by doing – and a growth opportunity that is missed when parents step in to do tasks for their own children that other people’s kids are handling on their own. </p>