I remember that when I was a very young kid, people occasionally would wear pajama to the local community (e.g., nearby shop.) But it was in a small town and it was 50+ years ago. I guess the time has changed.
This reminds me of some happened last week: We were vacationing at a hotel where they provide the guests free breakfast. Some (but nit many) guests wore pajama to the large room next to the front lobby for their breakfast. It is somewhat strange scene that some wore very formal dress (those who are on a business trip and get ready to go to work) and some on vacation wore pajama.
The hotel is Residence Inn (not a very traditional one though, so they feed us well.)
I view skyping/video chat as visiting someone at their home. I wouldn’t expect someone to request a chat without prior arrangement any more than I would expect people to drop by unannounced. Even with my kids and family, they would text me with “do you have time for skype?” before they call. I think it is common courtesy to request for skype instead of just call unannounced.
I dress more casually at home - sweater and loose pants or a summer casual dress, but sometimes in my pjs if it’s early in the morning or late at night.
I think if it’s your home, you’re allowed to dress how you like, barring a prescheduled visit from someone, whether that’s in person or via video chat. Whoever is video chatting should go to another room so that you’re not seen in your PJs. I’d go so far to say, if everyone in the home was in their casual clothes after a long work day, and any of them wanted to video chat, it would be incumbent upon the video chatter to move to another room, as opposed to expecting everyone else to go change clothes.
I would be quite ticked, if I had settled in for the evening in either casual clothes or PJs, and one of my kids asked me to go change clothes because they wanted to video chat. They can move to another room that I’m not in.
I think there are also two separate issues going on here. One is how we dress when it’s just our immediate family, who are accustomed to seeing us in our PJs, and two, others, who are not as intimate with us, seeing us in our PJs. I’d have no problem whatsoever video chatting with my kids in my PJs, but would not do so with anyone who has not regularly seen me in my own home in person in my PJs. Different standards for different people.
I’m confused about why an adult who’s video chatting with his GF has to do so in the living room as if he’s still 12. By now he surely has his own laptop and can chat from his room, which would solve the concern about parents possibly being glimpsed in the background.
As for the GF’s parent making a comment about your son’s posture, I hope the person was kidding. Whether or not he/she was joking though, it’s not your concern but is between your son and his GF. If she is worried about your son making a good impression on her parents and believes them to be very judgmental about certain behaviors, then she needs to communicate that to your son. Even if you’re certain that this GF will become your DIL one day, I don’t think you really want to interject yourself in their relationship.
Those two issues seem to be more important than how casually anyone dresses at home. Like others have mentioned, dh and I dress very casually at home, and we also schedule Skype calls in advance. Like a lot of other women, I take off my bra as soon as I get home (unless we have house guests or our adult children staying with us.) When we have a Skype call planned, I put on a bra before the call, run a comb through my hair and powder my nose. Never, though, have I felt compelled to change from a t-shirt or sweatshirt into a nice blouse. Perhaps if I were asked in advance to meet someone over a video call, I might change tops but I wouldn’t let it worry me if the introduction was a surprise.
He does not have his own room. He is rarely home so it is not justified to keep a room for him who is home for, say, one time only (for a week or so.) We live in an insanely expensive area now. 1-bed room apt costs $1900! We could not wait till we can move back to our original house with 5 bed rooms (while the monthly mortgage is still lower.)
Is there no other room to which your son could go? Your bedroom, the dining room/area, the kitchen, any place at all? Or do you live in a studio apartment?
The call could be in an inconvenient hour like almost mid-night (due to time difference.) No store is open at that time.
We are not part of the call. But occasionally, at the beginning of the call, he would pull his mom (but not me) in front of the camera (I actually do not know whether he uses smartphone or laptop - he has the latest or almost latest gadgets for both.) just for them to greet each other. Then, the parents recess to the bedroom to sleep.
Our real concern is that if/when parents on both sides meet in such a scenario, what is the proper attire. This is because I heard her parents could drop by, unplanned, to say hi to him once in a while, if/when she is calling from their living room (not sure about this and do not want to ask) as well. It is just weird to be seen in our pajama in our first meet.
It is almost the time for him to get back to campus. So it will not be a real problem for us. We are just curious that in the modern day of Skype and FaceTime, all the “meet the parents” rules seem to have changed: It could happen at an earlier stage. It is hard to know what is a proper etiquette and protocol in this age. I actually heard from my friend at one time that sometimes a young man/woman may ask his/her relatively new GF/BF to “hide” (even though he or she may be in the dorm room) when she or he makes the call from the dorm room to her/his parents if they do not think it is time for him/her to “meet the parents” yet. This is eapecially true when the child thinks his/her parents are too nosy and/or conservative.
Your posts are very confusing. First you say you are concerned about what you’re wearing and people suggested different rooms for people who want to be in their comfortable clothes vs. people who are actually video chatting. It’s an easy fix.
But them, a separate issue is the unpredictability of a request to join in on the conversation. After that request, the ball is in your court… all you have to say is right now is not a good time; perhaps we can schedule something for __________… and make no excuses - you don’t owe anyone any excuse for trying to drop in uninvited. That’s really what they’re trying to do.
You really are talking about two separate issues here. I can’t imagine living my life, always wondering what I’m wearing because the my kid’s SO’s parents might request a Skype meeting unplanned (which is the equivalent of stopping by unannounced).
If you can’t dress casually and comfortably in your own home, where can you?
It’s the SKYPER’s responsibility to place the computer and camera in a position which respects the privacy of those enjoying their time at home, not the responsibility of those living in the home to accommodate to someone having a video chat.
The first problem would not be there if we still live in our old house where there are multiple rooms (and upstairs and downstairs.) We are unfortunately in a (somewhat temporary) situation where the living space is very limited and the privacy of each family member is therefore compromised.
As regarding to planned and unplanned call, the calls between the young generation seem to be planned (likely text each other first, I think.) The issue is whether the parents inform their child that they would drop in during the call or not. We will not drop in. But it seems this may not be the family dynamics on the other end.
I guess we may be more “westernized” than them because we have been living in US for 30+ years. Or, maybe the parents of a son naturally behave somewhat differently than the parents of a daughter. I am not sure about this because I do not have a daughter - but in the past, I did find that the parents we knew tend to be more “protective” of their daughter (The parents of DS’s first date toward the end of high school would prefer them to date in their living room or near their neighborhood sidewalk and no night out, and the date could not happen too frequently, like only once every two weeks. This was our “experience” as parents of the dating age student!)
Mcat…are you saying that your bedroom is the same as the living room, or kitchen areas? Is this a one room apartment?
If you feel like participating in the call, just quickly slip on a nice turtleneck sweater. You will only be seen from the torso up anyway.
If you don’t WANT to be seen, have your kid sit in a chair against the wall…with the kid’s back against the wall, and facing the center of the room. You won’t be able to walk behind him…and therefore the camera will not pick you up. Problem solved. You can still speak and be heard, but you won’t be seen.
@thumper1, As l posted above, we (parents) usually went to the bedroom since it is our bed time. He has the living room to video chat. He will be here for another 1.5 days so it is really not an issue for us; as I said earlier, this is a very temporary situation.
What we are wondering is that if the parents on both sides eventually want to have the first meet in this way (instead of flying hours to meet each other), we really want it planned and turn it into a more formal event and definitely not in our pajama. The “protocol” for this to happen has not been set up yet. The availability of the new gadget seems to turn the more “serious” event in the past to a more “casual” one today, just because it is so easy to set it up.