Child applied to the parent’s alma mater, was rejected and went to a different school. What kind of feelings do you have for your child’s school vs your own school now that your kid was rejected and went to a different school
** This happened to me for the school I got my Master’s from (Princeton) and I no longer send donations.**
Your Child decided not to apply to your alma mater and went to a different school?
** I have no change in thoughts…they need to apply to what is right for them, not what was right for me.**
I will say that going through the college process with my kids made me appreciate my alma mater more and now I do alumni ambassador stuff.
I have very warm feelings for my alma mater. Both my kids applied, got in (S with large merit award), and turned it down. D turned it down for a choice that was ultimately a bad one, but then transferred to a phenomenal school that was perfect for her. S turned it down for a school that he was up and down about throughout his time there (the most selective choice of any in the family), but ultimately it worked for him. Luckily, neither is ever going to play any sports against my school, so both happily root for the Maize and Blue.
I have very warm feelings towards my alma mater (UPenn/Wharton) – I had a great experience overall, got a wonderful education, had fun, have kept a few friends from college, and the school helped me to start my career in the right direction. I could ask nothing more of any school. That said, the admission standards for my alma mater have changed over the years – I could not get in now and my kids’ weren’t in the range for the school – so neither one applied. And Penn wasn’t really a great fit for either kid – my S liked smaller (mid-sized) universities and my D really wanted to (and did) attend a LAC.
And honestly it is for the best. My two kids ended up in what turned out to be the perfect school for each one. I love their colleges at least as much if not more as I love my own. Why? First their experience is more recent and I’m sure that is part of it. More importantly, I think as a student you are in the middle of everything that is happening – but as a parent watching my kids over the 4 years I saw them both being transformed for the better at college – by the friends they made, the professors they had, the education they got, the confidence they gained etc. I saw them grow from teenagers into wonderful young adults. They both learned lessons at college that I could not teach them – they had to go out on their own. As a parent I will be forever grateful. (However I do draw the line at donating to their alma maters – that is up to the kids to do – I feel that I gave the schools enough money)
I like my school and my daughters’ colleges equally. Both got into my alma mater but decided not to attend. I did not mind at all; it’s the state flagship and while it has much going for it, both wanted smaller schools. D2 got into her dad’s alma mater for undergrad (did not attend) but not for grad school. My mom, who also graduated from that university, was annoyed about the grad school rejection.
My H and I both attended Syracuse and loved it. It would’ve been a horrible fit for my oldest who looked at small LAC’s. I think it would be a great fit and would encourage my other 2 kids to look there if they think they can handle the weather. They’ve grown up in CA so it will be a shock
I have much warmer feelings for my daughter’s alma mater. I struggled through school, barely making ends meet, with no financial aid other than an unsubsidized loan. I saw other kids getting aid from the school who had a LOT more than I did (although it’s hard to know everyone’s underlying circumstances). I went in to them in desperation a couple times to try to get a job (there was nothing off campus) and couldn’t even get that. That didn’t give me warm and fuzzy feelings for my school. I got a decent education, went to a top law school and went on to be successful, but I wasn’t left with great feelings for the school itself. I didn’t suggest that my daughter apply there. My daughter got a full tuition merit scholarship to her school, had lots of personal attention and great opportunities, and it was a school that enjoyed keeping parents in the loop. It was also a school that was many times larger than my alma mater yet provided much more personal attention. Not surprisingly, I have better feelings for this school. Warm feelings can translate to cold cash. We donate generously to my husband’s alma mater and will donate to my daughter’s. My alma mater isn’t on the donation list.
I used to have warm feelings towards Yale, where I went and where my father also went. Until my son didn’t get in! It was their loss. No son, no more warm feelings; no more financial contributions! If I hadn’t thought he deserved to get in, I wouldn’t have felt that way. But as someone else said about their own alma mater, Yale seems to be managing fine without me,.
And I probably do have warmer feelings now toward the U. of Chicago, where my son went. (And was actually very happy to go; Chicago was his “dream school” from the time he was about 15.)
I do still hope every year that Yale wins “the Game,” though. (Even though I went to law school at Harvard.) Some things never change.
“I was curious how parents feel about their own alma mater vs their child’s college/alma mater”
The university where I got my bachelor’s would have been a terrible choice for either of my daughters. They knew it, I knew it, and they didn’t apply.
The university where I got my master’s the same is true but replacing “terrible” with “poor”. However, this university has also sent several articles to alumni making it very clear that my daughter’s would be their last choice also for reasons that have nothing at all do to with academics. As such I have been telling them politely every year (during their annual fundraising phone call) that there is no way that I would give them any donation unless this is changed.
As such, I do not have good feelings toward either of my alma maters (even though I loved the second of them while I was there). I have much better feelings towards the university where my daughters attend or are about to attend. If I donate to universities it will be to one or both of my daughter’s alma mater’s (probably the one which will use the money the most wisely, which is not the one with a lot of really fancy brand new buildings).
Although I enjoyed my time at my alma mater (met my H there!), it would make no sense for my S to go there. It is a big state flagship and we no longer live in that state. We now live in Texas which has excellent public universities. If S wants big state flagship he can’t beat UT Austin, especially for his intended computer science major. Plus my alma mater charges outrageous OOS tuition and is stingy with merit aid for OOS students…for that cost we could send him to a private school.
Both my kids did summer programs at my alma mater and both decided it was not the place for them. It would have been fun but we moved on. Both received very large scholarships to where they are attending and I will support both of those schools for their generosity. I also tell my kids when they graduate to budget contributions to their schools.
I didn’t particularly like my alma mater - I’m a little fuzzy on how I ended up there, lol. D didn’t visit. Might be a better fit for S19, however, the OOS cost is ridiculous. D16 visited husband’s undergraduate alma mater and didn’t like it. (He didn’t think it aged well either). Our grad school alma mater is too close to home (we met there and stayed put).
I have warmer feelings for D16’s school - she’s happy there and it’s a perfect fit.
My Big 10 alma mater was all wrong for me. We reside in a different state, so neither of my children applied/will apply to it. I love my daughter’s LAC and wish I could have a do-over.
I didn’t get to choose my alma mater, but I was able to grow where I was planted and made it work for me. I really wish my kids had gone elsewhere, though.
Dittoing 1518 mom except my alma mater was a Big 8 school. I turned down the small LAC I got into. Big mistake. S went to small LAC and I love his school.
Like @Marcie123, H and I both attended Syracuse University and loved it (we met after graduation but had mutual friends so our memories are similar but not shared). However, neither of us was rah-rah about the school with our kids – we didn’t dress them in SU onesies, didn’t follow the team sports any more avidly than any other, and in fact, neither H nor I owned any SU shirts or gear.
We did visit campus when D was in 10th grade just to give her the feel of a “large-ish” university. She fell in love with it immediately, which we attributed to it being the first place she saw. But throughout the entire college search, she kept saying SU was her top choice. We didn’t exact try to dissuade her butwe made sure she wasn’t applying there just because we went there. We revisited this past fall and she decided to apply ED, got in.
I’m now the owner of multiple SU shirts and will be putting the sticker on my car after tomorrow’s Accepted Students Day visit. So yeah, I feel more warmly about it now, even though I never felt “un-warm” about it before.
@Amkngk my kids have grown up wearing Syracuse gear. My H and son wear SU clothes almost daily. When my son was 2, he broke his femur and needed a full body cast. They asked him what color he wanted and he said orange. They didn’t have orange, they had red, blue, purple, etc. No he said, he only liked orange. Finally, I had the doctor tell him that the blue was actually Syracuse blue.
Oldest was accepted to my alma mater Michigan last year. While I was driving home to congratulate him and start singing The Victors he got his acceptance email from UChicago. He’s there now and loves it and so do I. When I took him to admitted students weekend I kept thinking about the old Rodney Dangerfield movie Back To School. Even asked if he would mind if I applied next year so I could go there too. I’m still a proud UM grad but I’m just blown away at how awesome UChicago is.
Husband and I went to UNC. Son was rejected last week. It stung, but he hadn’t earned it, especially from OOS. Maybe my daughter will go, but I’m not sure it’s the right fit for her. Will continue to donate - that school changed our lives and we still love it. GO TAR HEELS!
Dh didn’t go to college. Don’t care at all about my alma mater, SDSU. I was just putting in time to get a degree and a couple of credentials. Nothing special. My oldest son had an incredible experience in college at MIT. Apples to oranges comparison.