Does saving loose change/small bills count? I used to save quarters and dollar bills and a number of years ago I bought Mrs Decide piece of jewelry she was admiring with that saved money. Took her a while to really realize thats how I bought it. Looks on the store staff when I literally pulled out a brown bag of money were priceless too.
Ha! H has a change jar (huge) that he will not cash in. I’m dying to know how much is in it. I do squirrel away change and extra bills, though I have a sense how much is there.
Those two things are ways that it can be hidden. However, hiding income is not the only thing that can be a secret. A person can hide debts. A person can hide purchases. A person can hide monetary gifts. A person can hide loans they have taken out. A person who pays the family bills can claim to have paid something that they didn’t. Etc. etc. etc. Sometimes a person can do these sorts of things knowing that they eventually will have to be revealed and can’t be permanent secrets, but at that point, are too late.
And sometimes a person looks the other way. I know someone who is up to his eyeballs in debt because he chose to ignore the problem. His W was into “retail therapy” and bought well beyond their means. When he finally decided he had enough, he admitted it took a while to face reality because in some ways he enjoyed having “nice things” as well–even while he knew it was wrong. And of course there’s the not wanting to make waves in the relationship that contributed as well.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/home_economics/2011/02/separatetogether.html describes different ways couples manage their money.
OMG, this is a thing?! Seriously? We have a basket where debit receipts go, and I keep track the stone age way by using a checkbook. So we always know what’s been spent, but neither one of us would buy anything without at least a heads up. Groceries and gas are the only no-brainers. But then we are not affluent so ymmv; we actually have a “save for” list that we check periodically to see if priorities have to change. We are not spenders.
We’ve always had a single joint account – we joked as newlyweds that we barely had enough to keep one open, let alone two. I’ve always felt two separate accounts is a sign of problems but YES I know many couples do that with success. (I hate prenups, too) We only have one credit card, although DH leaves it to me to manage it.
A spouse could have credit cards that the other spouse doesn’t know about.
My spouse would know what is on credit cards but wouldn’t really know what I do with the cash I take out.
My wife and I have always had separate checking accounts. Early in our marriage I caused her all sorts of frustration by depositing $1,000 into her account without telling her. She was actually mad at first, as she spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what was going on, but in the end she told me I was welcome to make as many deposits as I wished.
I don’t think I’ve ever reviewed my wife’s bank statements or credit card statements, other than to total up items she gives me for taxes. And she certainly wouldn’t look at mine. I do see her bank balance online, and if it looks like she might go negative I’ll add a few hundred bucks. We both contribute to household expenses, but we also have money of our own, and we just spend it as we wish. Neither of us needs permission.
I confess to being a reformed financial cheater. We went through a rough patch a few years ago when I was unemployed for 18 months. I wasn’t making our house payment regularly so I could keep up with our other bills, and I refused to let H see the amounts of some things, because I thought I could “fix” everything. We got a foreclosure notice and ended up paying just enough to keep the house for several months. Things between H and I were beyond bad. Then his military pension kicked in and we were able to get caught up. I’ll never, ever do anything like that again. We may fight over money, but the secretiveness is worse.
Speaking of loose change:
My DH hates to carry change. Every night when he gets undressed, he puts any change he accumulated that day on his nightstand, on my nightstand, on my dresser, in the bathroom – I never know where I’ll find it. But when I do, it goes in my Big Bag of Change, and I spend it – not on anything special, but I love to pay all of my cash transactions with exact change. I’ll get rid of that Big Bag of Change eventually!
Apparently real men don’t carry change.
Lol! My H empties his pockets too!
This is probably another one of those things upon which I’m way too old to comment. That it’s even a “thing” is beyond my experience and I can only hope my sons and their spouse(s) don’t have this kind of relationship where they hide things from one another.
I have a change jar in the kitchen. Every year or two I take it to the bank and get bills.
I reconcile our checking and credit cards every month and I enter all the receipts on Quicken. DH has online access to check balances, so no real secrets. The only thing I spend $ on lately is fabric for my charity quilting. M
Buying a lamp would get more attention from DH than a pair of sneakers.
“I had a couple of coworkers that squirrelled away enough money for a surprise motorcycle purchase.”
So how does this work? They just show up with a motorcycle and not expect tensions to flare? They better get used to sleeping on that couch in the big doghouse.
“We may fight over money, but the secretiveness is worse.” Yes! Secretiveness is a good way to risk your marriage. I don’t really get this cheating - financial or otherwise. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend, right? Why would you do this to them and show so little respect and integrity? I think a lot of this spending is reflective of other issues going on with the individual involved.
@VaBluebird, my 89-year-old father-in-law is trying to cheat the government. So, it’s not just age.
“A spouse could have credit cards that the other spouse doesn’t know about.”
That’s a future ex-spouse, not a spouse. deception and evasion are never good.
Some former roommates and older college classmates had a similar attitude regarding small change.
Their levels of didn’t wanting to bother with it were such that they INSISTED I take the accumulated change and REFUSED my offers to compensate them with larger denominations. It wasn’t as if i needed the money by then and some of them were actually in less financially prosperous* conditions despite growing up upper-middle class and in the former roommates’ cases…working as medical doctors(interns/residents).
Over a few years, all that small change came out to nearly a grand which was more than what I paid for my used Gibson guitar.
Personally, I also take out loose change and place them in a jar. However, I would wrap them up in bank provided wrappers and bring them to the bank when I accumulated around $20-100 worth. Then again, small change sorting/wrapping and taking them to the bank is an activity I enjoy doing. After picking it up while doing it as part of my childhood job of working the stationary store’s cash register, it’s like reliving my childhood years to some extent.
- I helped them do their taxes.
I think I would probably feel OK spending (max) $200 without running it by H. And I usually mention when I spend/plan to spend more than $50-75 on an unexpected purchase (like bought new lamps or running shoes or whatever). I feel free to spend on the kids (clothes/shoes) unless it is something like underwriting a trip or new costly project. My most frequent spending is on kindle. He spends money going to sushi and things that I wouldn’t but isn’t a shopper.
@CountingDown I was always reluctant to hire help and one year my mother just gave it to me for a present. Of course after that I was addicted. If you can afford it, why not have someone else do the toilets? Since I work at home a cleaning person has to at least look like they are working the whole time they are here. (Well sometimes I go out to see clients, but mostly I’m around.) I do find some things I have to point out. No one seems interested in dusting cobwebs, or cleaning around doorknobs unless asked!