<p>Jamimom, I disagree with you but that’s fine as parents we do what we believe is best and who is to say we are right. Your children and mine sound very different and therein probably lies the difference in our approaches.</p>
<p>In my view, some of this has to do with trust, and conveying to your children a few messages: (1) you are there for them if they are in trouble (2) it is now their life, and you trust them to do what (mine at least) have always done: be responsible and motivated and pursue their academic and non-academic passions and make choices about where to put their efforts; (3) they have a constitutional right to privacy (see Roe v. Wade et. al) (4) they, and only they, will have to live with the consequences if they are in trouble. I really love not looking over his shoulder, somehow–it lifts one of the many cloaks of responsibility I wear (3 children, 3 pets, 5 employees, about 50 clients…) and I think it gives him added confidence and self-esteem. JMHO.</p>
<p>Now. If I had a child who was scattered, or had learning issues, or had struggled with emotional challenges, etc., my philosophy and approach might be very different. Then, I might well have an agreement to see end of semester grades, not in an intrusive way, so that they know I cared? I could see that. It’s just that for this child and this mom, this system feels good.</p>