I’m by no means an expert but we are putting twins through college now and here’s my two cents. There are scholarships and affordable options out there for many students. Where folks seem to get in trouble is that they assume that they can get these scholarships/aid at reach schools. It’s a shame to see students who do not consider good scholarships just because it comes from what they consider a “lesser” school. In the same breath, they complain that schools are too expensive. If I were in your situation, I would have this discussion with your kids asap and try to temper their expectations.
And try not to beat yourself up for something you cannot change. You are not the only parent to face the harsh realities of funding college. Good luck!