There was a form letter when my child applied that said something to the effect of “we understand your child applied ED and we appreciate this vote of confidence.” No problem with that. My kid was deferred to RD then rejected. No further communication throughout, except for news from the school about the amazing class they had admitted. The funny thing about this is that I was not enthusiastic about this school for my kid, so while I wasn’t delighted about the decision, I was also a bit relieved that it had come off the table. Stats were in-line and we were FP, so perhaps they agreed that it wasn’t a match.
Your question is an interesting one. I suspect that a WL, rather than a rejection (only 1, btw!!) would have felt like less of a slap. I suspect we weren’t big enough donors to have merited the treatment friends at other schools received with their bad news, such as a heads-up and brief explanation to the CC at school.
My kid ended up at a place that was a great fit, so it’s not like this changed our world. But it reminded me that this school had been impersonal when I was there and still was and that I had other institutions I felt a greater affinity for.
I attended three elite institutions and taught at one of them at the beginning of my career. I give to my undergraduate alma mater but not to the school where I began grad school and the school where I finished it.
I felt that attending my undergraduate alma mater changed my life as it broadened my horizons about what I could do. I came from a very academic family (both parents professors) and was primed to become a professor (and have the brain for it). I think I already had high expectations for myself but I think that I left thinking that I wanted to be the best in the world at what I ultimately chose to do. I worked incredibly hard at school, did very well, played a minor varsity sport, had a job as a research assistant for 4 years that really augmented my education. I was also a middle class Jewish kid and used my undergraduate time to learn about how to walk in the pathways of power when that power was mostly in the hands of a WASP-y elite at that time. I felt it really prepared me for the world.
I have donated to it every year, but my level of donations have declined as a result of two events. First, they wait-listed my son while admitting the much intellectually weaker kids of some of my friends. I actually didn’t think that my alma mater was the best school for my son – I had picked two schools that I thought were better and he attended one. Even so, I was disappointed as I thought my loyalty to the school should have been matched given his strengths. Second, I don’t think that the alma mater has responded well to the wave of antisemitism that has spread through elite schools. They did not enforce pre-existing rules and did not pursue legal remedies when they should have done so.
My son got two graduate degrees at the school where I started grad school. I suspect that he will feel like that school transformed his life and that, if/when he has a major liquidity event with his company, he will donate to that school.
In both cases, given all of the problems in the world, I do wonder about giving money to schools with extremely large endowments. I have given limited amounts of time to my undergraduate school by doing admissions interviews. The school where I had been a professor asked me to help it using my professional expertise and I have done so willingly – probably worth a lot more than any donations I could make. I offered to do the same for my alma mater but they did not take me up on the offer.
We give to my undergrad–my experience was life-changing. Also part of financial aid package was something they called a “moral obligation scholarship” that i didnt have to repay but everything I donated counted as repayment. I did get a nice note when I had “paid off” the scholarship.
We also donate to both my grad program and DW’s.
D1 was a legacy but I assume our donations played no role in her admission
Yes. None of the schools that I am associated with (3 of HYPSM) have distinguished themselves in terms of dealing with antisemitism well. With respect to my son, I was disappointed but that’s way in the past.
The school where I completed my PhD and where I began my career as a professor does seem to understand what I do and what I can contribute and the president and key deans have been grateful for my help.
In contrast, one of the professors I had as a sophomore in a big lecture class was many years later teaching a course in a field in which I am pretty well-known and his main text was one of my books. He was surprised and pleased to discover that I had been one of his students. Before my next fifth year reunion, I suggested that he and I run a session at one of my every fifth year reunions (they do have a number of panel discussions and lectures in the days of reunions and I charge companies $25K to give that kind of talk I was offering). Unbeknownst to me, he was by then suffering with a terminal disease and probably could not contribute (he in fact died before the reunion) and when I proposed the session to the school’s reunions committee, I pretty much drew a blank. All three schools including my undergraduate alma mater have many distinguished alumni, some very well-known, and I can’t be particularly miffed that they weren’t interested, but it also left me feeling a little less connected.