I’m surprised so many posters seem shocked by the repayment idea.
While MOST parents don’t expect to be paid back for their children’s education, this parent had a VERBAL AGREEMENT the son would pay for the 5th year. He hasn’t done so.
Time to have a talk. But I agree that without anything in writing – and without risking a serious family conflict – there may not be anything OP can do.
I don’t expect my kids to pay me, even the three who dropped out and didn’t finish their degrees.
However, if sounds like there is more going on here. To me, it sounds like you are jealous of the time and attention he is spending on his gf. Believe me, I get it. Although I don’t expect my kids to pay me back for college, I did loan my oldest son (who is 27) more than $1k towards his recent trip to Hawaii with his gf. I have a written agreement with him but he is paying me back very slowly because he is spending money on his gf of almost 10 years. I am incredibly annoyed at him not because I will lose my home without this money but because I knew he had a terrible time managing money and I gave it to him, anyway. However, I do have a written agreement so I am less annoyed at myself. I would never sue him but I would subtract it from any estate gifting I would give to my kids.
In your case, if after you talk to your son, he doesn’t agree that he owes you the money, I would just chalk it up and not mention it again. If he’s an only child, move on unless you need the money to live on. If he’s not an only child, subtract the amount from what you give all of your kids. If he does agree that he owes the money, do a written agreement now, even if it’s $50 a month for one year, $75 the next, etc. Maybe he has to give you half of his tax return or some other source of income, My son works as an election inspector a couple of times a year and my agreement recites that I keep all the money he makes doing that (ranges from $85 to $255 depending on the election). Of course, he still lives at home and I see all the mail (and my son is a mailman).
If I may make a suggestion: What if you told your son that you had realized that your original agreement that he would pay you back for his extra year of college within 3 years was unrealistic, considering the relatively low salaries paid to entry-level employees? And then, what if you renegotiated with him, having him pay a certain (small) amount on a regular basis now, with an increase to a larger amount in a few years when he will be earning more money.
This would remind him of his obligation to repay the money and improve the conditions of his repayment at the same time. It might be a win-win solution for both of you.
sounds like dad is upset his son is foolishly blowing his money on a layabout gold digger??
Why do you assume the OP is male?
I’m with @katliamom — surprised that so many posters think she should just forget it and forgive the loan. The kid made a verbal deal. He should keep it. He might just need a nudge to set up a payment schedule and automate the payments.
I can’t believe you all think the original post is legit.
Yeah, odd question. Odd that a gf would tell the mom about gifts. Odd that 3 years have gone by. And now OP is feeling helpless?
But talk to this kid, see if you get any traction with bringing this up so many years later. I would have been talking to mine since about summer before the 4th year of college, reminding.
Why wasn’t this brought up sooner?
Not all contracts need to be in writing to be enforceable. Sure, it is better to have them in writing, but only a few types of contracts (real estate sales, delivery of goods over a certain amount) require a writing.
If you want to sue your child, you can.
I agree with several of the posters who suggest you come to an agreement over the repayment first.
I thought OP was a mom who cares a little about the money, but perhaps cares more that she’s sharing her son’s attention with a girlfriend. I saw this scenario with one of my in-laws. There was a power struggle between the mom and daughter-in-law for the loyalty of the son. After that marriage ended, the son remarried. His 2nd wife doesn’t engage, and he’s learned to be selective about what he shares with his mom.
OP, if you need the money, talk to your son and set up a payment plan. Don’t mention the girlfriend or the trip because neither really matter. As long as he pays you back in a reasonable amount of time it doesn’t matter how he spends the rest of his money.
But hard to enforce a verbal agreement ignored by the lender for 2-3 years and no diligence applied before now.
Original post does not pass the sniff test.
Can you draw a plan where he pays you back over sixty months? Normally undergraduate loans are paid back over ten years but since it was one year of tuition he should be able to do it over less.
I think the question is this: Is your relationship with your son worth what you would gain by taking him to court? Because it’s one or the other.
If this is legit…I think an important point is that the son made a well-reasoned, mature decision to pursue a double major that took 5 years and may help with future income. This is different from a scenario in which a parent has to pay a 5th year due to partying or non-performance in general (and some of the latter situations are not the kid’s fault either.)
I would not expect a kid to pay back in the current economic situation with high living costs, unless his pay is high or if he lives with you.
As for the original post as a whole, there seems to be some anger and jealousy involved and I would suggest - strongly suggest- counseling.
The fact that some on here think the post is not real, tells you how unusual your post is and I think getting some help with your feelings will help clarify the financial issue.
Has nobody considered that the OP may be a tr_ll? It’s an unusual first post, wanting to take legal action against a son that you love enough to pay 5 years tuition and compare your relationship with S to his gf. Legal action against son 2 years out of college?
He has not responded to anyone’s comments, also c/w a possible tr_ll.
I posted my thought that he might be a tr_ll yesterday but it didn’t post or maybe it was deleted. Is pointing this out not allowed? If so my apologies. Moderators- please let me know if not allowed and I won’t do it again. I didn’t get any message from cc.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Additionally, if a word is not allowed, then trying to spell around it is also not allowed; So “tr_ll” also violates the rules.
If you suspect a user of being one, flag the post for a moderator to review.
You did; you just did not notice it. It shows up as a pop-up on the lower left of your screen and ays, “Your comment will appear after it is approved.” FYI, the wording will soon be changed to be more clear and state “Your post has been flagged for moderation. Your comment will appear only if it is approved. If your post violates the TOS it will not be published.”
To be fair, it has been less than 24 hours. But if the OP does not respond to any questions asked of him/her within another day, I will assume that this is a hit-and-run posting and close the thread.
LOL, lots of us have noticed the same things you have, but have decided to play it straight, just in case.
And, for what it’s worth,the thread is 17 hours old (actually, 16 with the start of Daylight Savings Time.) . As much as I enjoy my time here, I occasionally have other responsibilities that pull me away from the computer. I don’t always check in immediately, even when I’ve posted a question.
This scenario makes me sad.
I WISH one of my kids had a significant other to spend money on. Consider yourself lucky that your kiddo has someone in his life that he cares about…and vice versa.
Not necessarily unrealistic, since we do not know if the student graduated college debt free, with a high paying salary and low living expenses. Lots of college graduates earn high salaries coming out of college. My first two kids graduated undergrad with zero debt. The first child got a $10K signing bonus coming out of college and lived at home rent free for 4-years, making over $50K per year (this was 12-years ago). She was getting refunds throughout college due to Prepaid college fund, Bright futures and other scholarships.
There are “many” parents who finance their kids education, partly with funds from parent-plus loans. They do so with the explicit expectation that their kids will payback part (or in whole) the parent-plus loans over time, t. A friend of my second child, had over $230K (!!!) student loan debt upon graduation, most of which was parent-plus loans. He pretty much financed the entire $60K+ COA per year through loans. He told my son that his parents expect him to payoff the entire loan balance over time, since they had other loans related to their other two children.
The OP had an agreement with his/her son for him to repay the 5th year. It appears she was willing to forego/delay those repayments, until he/she found out he was more than capable in meeting those obligations, despite son’s protestation to the contrary. IMHO, the son needs to repay the parent for the cost of the 5th year, per the verbal agreement. I also fail to see how this is a hoax when many similar situations to what the OP outlined above, is all over the WWW.
I don’t think anyone disagrees that the son should honor the agreement he made.
But he’s not the one asking for advice.