<p>Do you know the norm for her school with regards to living off-campus? Certainly she has her own reasons for wanting to move, but other factors could be influencing her decision, such as what everyone at her school does. In Madison, most people do move off-campus after freshman year, and no upperclassmen would be caught dead in the dorms. There is an abundance of off-campus housing, some very nice, some less so, but very, very few people live in the dorms past freshman year - dorms are expensive anyway. They’re great to meet people but after the first year many people feel they have outgrown them. Your daughter has alternate reasons for moving off-campus, but the norms of her school could also be influencing her choice. I would maybe try to look into co-ops, as others have said. They are not always run by the school, sometimes they are separate entities, as they are here in Madison. I’d look into it, lots of times they are already organic or vegetarian.</p>
<p>Off-campus living can be quite a natural and pleasant thing provided that the student is at a school where many or most upperclassmen live off-campus. (I have a daughter at Cornell, which is exactly that sort of place.) Off-campus living usually involves single bedrooms in a shared apartment, which is a much nicer way to live than either the forced togetherness of a dorm double or the isolation of a dorm single. Off-campus living even provides students with a landlord reference that will be helpful to them when they try to rent their first “real” apartment after graduation.</p>
<p>But it sounds as though your daughter is at a college where off-campus living is uncommon. In that situation, living off-campus could be isolating. </p>
<p>Does your daughter’s school offer vegetarian options on its meal plan? Or does it allow students to opt out of the meal plan and prepare their own meals? These choices might be better than opting out of on-campus housing altogether.</p>
<p>One other point: If, as some people on this thread suspect, your daughter’s food preferences are masking an eating disorder, which could turn into a serious problem, it might be better for her to be in the dorms, where there is some sort of a resident assistant/residence hall director system that people can go to if they suspect that a student has a serious problem. There are no RAs for off-campus students.</p>
<p>In many situations, living off-campus can be much more affordable. at my D’s college, for example, dorms are close to 150% of the cost of an average apartment, and there are even some dorms that are physically located off-campus (with all the inconvenience of an apartment at 1.5x the cost) . In a situation like that, living off-campus makes much more sense than living on-campus for many students.</p>
<p>Has your daughter checked out the Dudley Coop? [Dudley</a> Coop](<a href=“http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~dudcoop/index.html]Dudley”>http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~dudcoop/index.html)</p>
<p>Communal meals there are vegetarian with vegan options.</p>
<p>My daughter moved off campus her soph year. Much, much cheaper and she was much happier. Her off campus apartment was actually closer to many of her classes than her dorm was (and she could have a cat which made her happy). One of her good friends lived on campus the whole 4 years and was very happy. Different things work for different people.</p>
<p>Time for a heart to heart with D – possibly with a counselor in the room. Life is hard and making exclusions makes life even harder. She needs to understand that she is trading education for food preferences. </p>
<p>Thirty years ago I was keen to room off campus with a gal I knew was vegetarian. “Great” I thought. “She’ll teach me to eat right.” Hah! She ate a ton of ice cream and peanut butter from the carton. Vegans on the go can be even worse. One of my nieces chose to live in a vegan/vegetarian off campus house and she said that they had long discussions on whether a tablespoon of butter (non vegan) was more or less offensive than a tablespoon of margarine (vegan but with food coloring). </p>
<p>Vegan is a restrictive diet. It may or may not be a “better” diet. So D needs to demonstrate she can eat healthy and maintain grades BEFORE moving off campus. She can demonstrate this by cooking for you over the summer (put down dorm deposit and wait and see what unfolds over the summer). </p>
<p>Tell her a HUGE red flag for you is that she refused what you had to offer at the holiday dinner but she didn’t step up and create a healthy, acceptable alternative (Note to D: Never again are you to be a shXXy dinner guest. Anticipate and coordinate so the hostess is relieved from cooking extra or special for D. D needs to be on the doorstep with her own offering!). Also a huge red flag is the water bottle issue. If she can’t manage water, she surely isn’t ready to manage shopping and preparing three meals a day. </p>
<p>So, there is a time when young people yak big and work little. She needs to be beyond that stage – where she works hard to live the life she values and doesn’t beat your ears with all the details. Once she has demonstrated that level of maturity, you are in a completely different place as a parent, friend and lease co-signer. Good luck!</p>
<p>OP Update - she is staying on campus . My H told D about his favorite aunt who died due to kidney disease . She is at a healthy weight and eats tons of fruit and veggies ,and recently added plain Greek yogurt once in a while .Thank you for all the CC support !!</p>