<p>C-mudge, correction of terminology: you mean a triple <em>klutz.</em></p>
<p>TheDad, agreed. I was thinking that President was about as far from real life as a job could get for me with it’s necessary and required organizational skills and political savvy but upon more reflection a teaching job in the Dance Department might be more appropriate.</p>
<p>Time to move this thread back up. There are many unfilled faculty and administrative positions at Slugga Bugga U</p>
<p>Jym, do you entertain hopes that this enterprise would be in full possession of its faculty?</p>
<p>Thedad-
Good one!! 
That just disqualified you from any position requiring quick-thinking. I guess that qualifies you as Curmudege’s Vice President. No wait, you can be in charge of inviting controversial guest lecturers.</p>
<p>Important International Bulletin</p>
<p>Peeps sent to the South Pacific are actually quite fresh and marshmallow-y. Nothing like the stale Peeps of my childhood.</p>
<p>I propose that we enter negotiations to become a sister school with the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople (the USND at H). A presentation given by one of their music teachers made it sound like our kind of place.</p>
<p>BassDad: Prof. Schickele certainly is the foremost scholar in his field (since, like most leading scholars, he founded the field) and would be a wonderful addition as a visiting professor or the like. However, I would be concerned that associating wih such an established and prestigious institution like the USND at H might result in a loss of some of our students to that school. We need to think through the idea of sister schools, especially since at the moment we have no students and only one applicant (Greensleeves). What would we gain from such a relationship? What would induce the USND at H to enter into one with us?</p>
<p>On another note, I have been encouraging Berurah, who has a brood of six, to apply for the post of chair of the economics department. Hope that she takes up my offer, although Jamimom also ought to be well qualified for this post.</p>
<p>What spots do we have yet to fill?</p>
<p>On yet another note, how do we become a participant in either the CTCL or the PTCL organizations? Seems that we should fit well there.</p>
<p>Well, if all they want is the big-time prestige associated with the USND@H name, then I say let 'em go and good riddance. I think we can compete in our own right with any school in the USND system. In fact, I was hoping to lure a few of their students our way.</p>
<p>Despite their supremacy in the field of Music(k)ology, we have unparalleled offerings in Elven Studies and, with our esteemed president joining the dance faculty, our triple and (dare I hope?) quadruple klutzes will be the envy of Division IV-f schools throughout the nation.</p>
<p>We, of course, stand to gain the much-needed publicity that such an alliance with one of the best-known semi-subregional schools in the entire north-central midwest would instantly generate. I suppose we could offer them advantageous cross-licensing terms on our novel educational techniques. If that doesn’t do the trick, we could throw in a 10% discount at our bookstore for their faculty members.</p>
<p>I just got around to reading this loonnngggg thread (and I admit I skipped a page or 2), but this idea is just too delicious.</p>
<p>However, it seems to me that Confidential College needs a college legend.</p>
<p>For instance, at Michigan, if you step on the brass block M in the middle of the Diag, you will fail your 1st bluebook (I am not sure they still use that term). I seem to recall from the college tour circuit that there are human-form sculptures of the founders in both Harvard Yard and the Old Campus at Yale, that have some effect if you touch the foot, or some such thing.</p>
<p>What should be the college legend of Confidential College???</p>
<p>(Sorry, but I am too worn out from reading to come up with a reasonable suggestion.)</p>
<p>The picture I have of touching Curmudgeon’s topsiders for luck is just too much! Still, I nominate UMDad for tour guide. He can tell the story of the three lies and quadruple klutzes as he leads prospies and parents around the founder’s statue. Maybe he should team with the dance department for that, as I imagine the tour disintegrating into either a conga line or a war dance. </p>
<p>There once was a curmudgeon
who was in high dudgeon
because his neighborhood school
did not have enough cool.
To Confidentalia College
He gave his undying pledge
To drive out snakes
and deter fakes.
So there he stands in his topsiders
In front of all his admirers.</p>
<p>Howzzat for a spiel?</p>
<p>Dadofsam-
If I recall correctly, the Board of Trustees, along with the College Search and Selection committee determined that applicants for positions would only be considered if they were highly UNqualified for them. Does that make Ward Churchill available to serve on a committee overseeing diversity? I hear he’s available these days…
Marite-
As for the college legend, many schools pull pranks with/on the school legend. This seems especially appropriate to consider as April 1 (as in April fools day, not college admissions day) approaches. So, could you kindly clarify where Curmudgeon’s shoes will be?? Will they be bronzed and in statue form in front of the maintenance building, or will they be encased in glass in the campus police station? Perhaps placed in a refrigerated case on icy steps in the infirmary? Your thoughts??</p>
<p>:eek: Goodness. We do need a legend and top-siders somehow has become part of the history of the college -but I think a more inclusive (please, oh please ) history is in order that describes our joint journey away from the tyrannical rules of the Adcom-sees and the SAT-ssolonians.</p>
<p>Actually, I thought the Mudge man’s shoes would be firmly attached to his feet. You’d be taking your chances trying to swipe them then.</p>
<p>As for construction plans, with a current operating budget of zero, we can buy a slightly used dormitory (residential college) from Rice University, currently on sale on ebay. I strongly encourage you to take the time to read the description of the college. I am sure you will all agree that it is an excellent opportunity.
<a href=“http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5569529369[/url]”>http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5569529369</a></p>
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<p>Ah, we’ve gotten to the statue design phase, unless we want Curmudgeon in person to stand on a pedestal. Definitely, his shoes should be firmly attached to his feet and his tongue should be firmly in his cheek. What else? A stick to repel snakes as well as snake’s oil salesmen; a ten gallon hat (now I understand why they need ten gallon hats in TX, it’s all that oil!). Having just warned a young poster against the evils of drinking, I should refrain from suggesting that Curmudgeon should hold a beer mug in his other hand. Maybe something more uplifting like the 10surreal SATS?</p>
<p>O.K. O.K. If y’all are going to keep doing this to me I’ll join in. (Dagnabit,Luke. Whattya got me in for now?)</p>
<p>I think the best statues are those that tell a story. To that end I propose a beer bottle (longneck Original Coors please) and an oz. of bud-laden pot behind me on the ground as if I had walked away intentionally from the sordid debauchery of my highly mispent youth. There should be an empty wallet and a forlorn looking checkbook near said beer and dope, along with a transcript of incompletes,w/p’s and C’s. </p>
<p>Then of course a highly stylized version of me with no mention of double chins or fallen chests.</p>
<p>Now back to the authenticity part: I think I should be clutching my bible in my left hand. (That’s right-Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle in paperback) and I should be wearing my Kinky Friedman for Governor '06 Button (Please visit “Kinky Friedman.com”. Let’s stop the wussification of Texas. Vote Kinky.) </p>
<p>I don’t have a ten gallon hat-that was Hoss Cartwright. He was from Denton,Tx and…well, I guess him being dead would be the only other difference, come to think of it. Other than that we’re virtually interchangeable. Where were we? Oh yeah, I do have two Stetson’s -one grey, one black both newly blocked-and one straw ,well soiled. Y’all can choose.</p>
<p>I will be wearing jeans. Well worn. Blue. Shoes have been covered in depth and ad infinitum 
. I tend toward long sleeve dress shirts, 100% cotton and wrinkled fresh from the dryer, with the sleeves rolled -up. I wear a thirty year old Rolex :eek: given to me (used) by my dad when I graduated Law School. That is the only jewelry I ever wear and I am never without it. The mostly grey hair should be well over my collar and ears ,but brushed back, straight back (but it never stays there).</p>
<p>I wonder what should be in my other hand? I don’t know. Anybody? But my shoe should be firmly on the head of a rattler or is it a surreal Dali-esque adcom that looks like a rattler? These of course are just suggestions and the artist I’m sure will take license where they need to take license to make the story more appealing to the general public and more representative of our fine institution.</p>
<p>As for legends, it seems to me that most colleges have some weird cow story. Given curmudegeon’s location and inherent Texas-ness, we ought to be able to come up with something.</p>
<p>Jym: I think that the operating principle was not that applicants would be selected only if they were UNqualified for the position in question, but on the basis that they had some SPECIAL BUT UNOFFICIAL qualification. For example, some people would be UNqualified for the dance faculty because they simply can’t dance, whereas Curmudgeon would be QUALIFIED because he has demonstrated an unusual dancing ability, despite lacking professional dance qualifications.</p>
<p>As for legends and symbols, the posters are right in that we have to create both a legend and a ritual. So along those lines, I support the proposition that Curmudgeon’s shoes be displayed in a case separate from the statue, so that some appropriate ritual regarding the shoes can be developed.</p>
<p>Dadofsam,</p>
<p>I believe you are correct on the unqualified vs unofficial distinction.</p>
<p>Maybe the ritual should involve Curmudgeon’s actual shoes, as in the pair on his feet at any given time, not some piece of metal on a statue or in a display case.</p>