<p>Northeastmom, it’s true…my D feels very lucky and we are happy about this arrangement. When she wanted an off campus apartment, we were fine with it but said we’d only pay what we paid to live in the dorm. I have to cough at the “only”…please know that NYU dorms are VERY expensive and her housing costs way more than double my other D’s housing. Normally, she’d also have to furnish an apartment, not that I could have afforded furniture and would have had to scrounge to come up with a few things and hoped a roomie would too and same with kitchen stuff, etc. In this case, she has gorgeous furniture, an amazing kitchen, even her own personal bathroom. When we went to move her in, the handyman kept helping to unload everything and bring it to her unit. Even on our last visit he did that with stuff we brought her. Between that and the doorman, we were waited on hand and foot and my husband was like, “just like the dorms, right?” LOL It is quite nice and she knows it and knows she likely won’t have an apartment like this any time soon after she graduates. She also didn’t have to sign a year’s lease like she normally would have to do and only had to agreed to pay rent the months we needed it, like a dorm would be. It is true that cable, internet and maid are extras I did not have before and I would have offered less for the rent to include these had I known as I only wanted to spend what the dorm would have cost which is already a lot and I already have to borrow money to pay. But when this came up, we just went along with it even though it is extra because in the end, she has quite the deal and all her friends see that too (they all rented apartments in the city). </p>
<p>So, now one of my kids has a maid, my husband has a lawn service and a snowplow service, and what do I have? The short end of the stick. Doesn’t it always go that way for moms? :D</p>
<p>soozievt, Your D having an apartment in the city is an experience that she is unlikely to have again. Rent is just not affordable in Manhattan. It is a true, true bargain. Really, the $50 is nothing! Take advantage, and sleep on the floor of her room if you have to, and enjoy a week in NY! Hey, get an airmattress. I would do that. Not having to sign a lease is a big plus too! My son just needed to sign one, and we will be paying rent in the summer when he is not using it. I can’t go nuts about it bc there are no other options. I have to look at it as though it will cost annually just a bit more than what the dorms are currently costing. After sophomore year, most students need to live off campus. I just hope that this all works out.</p>
<p>Marite,
That is really interesting about your Chinese friend. But the other funny thing is, in Taiwan, my daughter’s “hostess” (the owner of the apartment - she is a friend of my friend) seemed very surprised and dismayed that my daughter did not know how to cook. (Actually, my D found that eating out was so cheap there it was not worth learning to cook.) But then the hostess’ sister, whose family lives in the same apt. building where my daughter was living, invited my daughter for dinner. And when my daughter told her hostess that her sister had invited her for dinner, the hostess asked incredulously, “My sister COOKED ???” So what chores people do or do not do for themselves obviously varies between people there, just as it does here.</p>
<p>Northeastmom…well, there is no extra floor space in her bedroom, LOL. BUT she has a really nice leather sleep sofa in the living room! She signed an “informal” lease agreement that the other girl’s family drew up but we could specify the exact dates we wanted to rent it, and so there is no year lease. However, I personally cannot afford to pay for summer rent. My D may wish to live there next summer, if she spends the summer in NYC. My D has earned some good money lately doing some professional work and has put that aside. We’ll see. I’m sure she’d like to live there next year. She knows that once she graduates, she won’t be living in a place like this. I just can’t pay more because she wants an apartment compared to the dorm apartments at school which are already very costly and so I don’t care where she lives but I can’t spend more for it. As it is, I have to borrow money to pay for college and so actually this is costing me even more as there will be interest on the loans to pay for all this. As you know, NYC is expensive. Now she needs to use the subway more too, particuarly to get to her studio three days per week, along with other things, and so I’m paying most of the subway pass she had to get that she didn’t have when in the dorms, and she is kicking in a little though I have to laugh at that idea as she also gets an allowance. However, she also has her own earnings that go toward the high cost of being in NYC compared to going to school somewhere else. She also earned money growing up and it was all saved to have spending money in college beyond what we give her. So, all in all, she knows life is pretty good right now and she loves her apartment!!</p>
<p>I know lots of people from Hong Kong and Taiwan who grew up with live-in maids. It was part of the middle-class culture rather than a sign of luxury, pampered living.
My friend’s parents had a son and a daughter and raised both the same way, and both became very successful scientists. The son married a woman who is a great cook. The daughter still relies on take-outs and ready-to-heat meals as she focuses all her energies onto her work.</p>
<p>Marite, I understand totally, but the point of my little story is that my daughter’s hostess (a single woman who is a full professor at a university in Taiwan) seemed to cook most of her own meals, and her sister (a music teacher with a family) apparently relied mostly on take-out. Maybe the hostess actually enjoys and is talented at cooking, while the sister is a poor cook and hates to cook. Just like here, different people are good at/enjoy different things and choose to spend their money/time on different things.</p>
<p>I got your point as well, which I was trying to show works in Taiwan just as well as here. But I also was very amused by the whole thing. First my friend reports to me that the hostess (her friend) emailed her to her in dismay (and, I assumed, disapproval) that my daughter appeared not to know how to cook. Then a few weeks later, I hear from my daughter that when the same person heard that her own sister hosted a dinner, she said, "SHE COOKED??? (and basically asked my daughter in so many words, “Was it edible?”) It just seemed funny to me!</p>
<p>This thread has actually driven me to do a little housecleaning–not my strong suit–and make my bed, which I don’t always do. It looks better that way, but I usually don’t go in there until it’s time to sleep again, so it feels a little pointless.</p>
<p>My S, a freshman, came home last weekend for fall break. I kindly told him that if he brought his laundry home, I’d do it for him (I’m actually one of those people who don’t mind doing laundry!). He came home with all clean clothes, and said he had done all his laundry the day before break. Hmmmm…maybe he has my love of doing laundry!!!</p>
<p>Packer,
My niece came to stay last weekend from BU and I told her she could bring her laundry. She said had just done eitht loads the evening before. It only took her an hour and a half. Eight loads would have taken the taken all weekend around here! Of course it would not have cost her anything…</p>
<p>I did every bit of my son’s laundry before he went to college and made all his food too. He is surviving and thriving in college, doing his own laundry and eating as needed. My Mom did the same for me–she had full confidence that I could figure things out when I needed to.</p>
<p>And I also had maid service when I started college in 1969 in the good old USA. That didn’t spoil me either (JMO, of course).</p>
<p>bethie, It’s not the normal cleaning & laundry stuff that bothers me, it’s the frat party clean up. I miss my girls so much I’d LOVE some laundry to do!</p>
<p>Yeah, the idea of kids running wild and making a mess for someone else to clean up–I don’t like that at all. But it’s better if they admit they made the mess and pay for clean-up. I’ve heard in dorms, everyone has to pay for clean-up if they can’t figure out who made the mess or did the damage. I guess in an apartment, they can figure out who did it. I’d be sad and upset if my kid was acting like that.</p>
<p>I don’t see any problem with using a cleaning service. I used one during college and continue to use a service to this day for my home. Spoiled? Maybe. However, it’s hardly something to get worked up about.</p>
<p>I have no problem with people using cleaning services as part of keeping a busy life together. But when it is more the attitute, if there is a mess and a cleaning service is not around, do you have the initiative and ability to take care of the problem? I’ve lived with maids in Asia, I have cleaned houses for money in my younger days. My kids live like slobs at times, due to their preference, but know how to clean toilets, wash windows, do laundry and fix elegant meals when the situation requires. I see many in their generation that do not.</p>