<p>Once again I’m finding that either I live in a really conservative place, or my kids hang with kids who have really conservative parents, or I am thoroughly selfish for not wanting to have to supervise teenagers all night (all of those are highly distinct possibilities of course 
). </p>
<p>But really, my kids never asked to host or attend an all night sleep over. No other parents would have said it was OK!</p>
<p>weenie… as I’ve been thinking about it, I realize that every time we hosted one, it was for a specific event (prom/cast party/etc.). Many times it was a celebration of a long-worked for production that was now over. Perhaps it was the activities my kids were involved in that presented the opportunity. With show choir, there were many weekends, like I said, when we’d depart school between 2-3AM on Saturday morning, and return 24 to 25 hours later. Some of the older kids had a tradition of going to the local Baskin Donuts after they arrived back at school, unloaded the buses (it’s only four blocks away), and before they came home. The majority of them live within a two-mile radius of school. At that point, most kids just want to go home to their own bed. Since I was heavily involved as a parent volunteer with costuming and was up at school a lot when the kids were rehearsing, I got to know them well, even the ones my own kids were not necessarily close friends with. There was somewhat of an informal parent network, and the moms I volunteered with all pretty much had the same parenting approach as we did.</p>
<p>Now that I think about it, what other year-long activities (they go from August to April) involves a co-ed cast of 70 or 80 kids, ranging from freshman to seniors? Sports are all one gender. Academic teams are co-ed, but they don’t put the long hours in almost school-year round like our performing kids do. Most of the show choir kids are also the theatre kids, so once you get to know them through show choir, it makes it easier to figure out all the complicated relationships, etc. while they’re in rehearsal and production for a play or musical. I’d say homecoming/prom are the most challenging, because there you have kids’ dates coming that you might not know as well. I tend to keep a closer eye on those who I don’t know as well.</p>
<p>We actually had a girl from show choir get pregnant at the end of this year by her show choir boyfriend. It did not happen during a co-ed sleepover, or during one of our show choir trips where the girls and boys spend a lot of time together. I knew both of them fairly well and kept an eye on them during one of our lock-ins. They were respectful of our rules, and didn’t try anything at our house. But they were determined to have sex, and eventually the inevitable of having unprotected sex happened.</p>
<p>My kids have been involved in other activites where I have not gotten to know the kids as well. While I am probably less likely to host something with kids I don’t know as well, I am much more likely to forego my sleep pattern for a couple of days for kids I do know and for whom some are like family.</p>
<p>ours were after other parties, or events as well, like big football games</p>
<p>I would rather a bunch of kids in my home hanging out then “out there” trying to find stuff to do…they want to hang out together and my livingroom is great</p>
<p>
Off topic, but unprotected sex is not inevitable–particularly when we’re talking about two high school students.</p>
<p>I must say this is the second time tonight I am in complete agreement with JHS. </p>
<p>Kids go on camping trips. Kids go on school overnights when the chaperoning can get lax. My S went to Rome with the Latin scholars when he was 14, so I say they have been having overnights in mixed groups all along.</p>
<p>Like JHS, I refused to make sex the center of my decision making process. Kids will find a way to be intimate if that is what they want.</p>
<p>I did allow an overnight sleep over. I know D has too much respect for me to allow her friends to be inappropriate, and our house was often the safe house for a lot of kids with family issues. The other parents came to appreciate it, too.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because I have an S and a D. There were many Halloweens when they both had sleep overs, so we always had “co-ed sleep overs.” Just to clarify, S is younger, and his friends certainly aren’t predatory in any way. I think they were all afraid of D, even though she is only a year older than some of S’s friends. All these kids were in plays together and had a remarkable group camaraderie.</p>
<p>corranged… I meant that the inevitable of having unprotected sex is most likely eventual pregnancy.</p>
<p>My friends and I had co-ed sleepovers all the time in high school, and nothing ever happened then that couldn’t have happened another time. It’s hard to believe there are still parents who think this is inappropriate.</p>
<p>I’m bi… should my parents have forbidden me from ever sleeping over anywhere?</p>
<p>Ok I’m another parent who thinks/feels coed sleepovers are inappropriate. Like weenie, maybe its because I live in a conservative community - I have actually never heard of anyone I know hosting one of these. Maybe too, its because my two oldest are girls. Call me old-fashioned (my kids do) but I also care about my Ds’s “reputations.” Even if nothing untoward occurs at these events, I"m pretty confident the rumor mill would run rampant at school and in the community the next day, and I don’t want to deal with that drama.</p>
<p>If I were a responsible, respectful kid, raised to be safe emotionally and physically, I’d want to know – sleeping at someone else’s house == what are the norms and rules for that house so I could be respectful there under the roof of my friend. I’d be looking out for what signals I got from the friend and the parents as to what was expected or allowed in their home. I wouldn’t bring my own agenda into their home either way, by being judgmental or violating their trust. I’m just following forward the sensibility that JHS and Mythmom describe. Sex is not the centerpiece of every decision. 9th and l0th grade was rocky but by llth and 12th my kids were gracious in all kinds of situations. As h.s. hosts, they knew our home was more conservative than most of their friends and friends’ families, but all dealt with the differences well. </p>
<p>Once our S in l0th grade was invited to a coed sleepover and we all jumped through hoops here, talking about what would be right and wrong under a strange mom’s roof. We didn’t know her well enough to have an honest conversation with her, and yet the boy and girl were dating sort-of. After we went through all that effort and discussion, the sleepover happened and he was the only boy present. All the others had disallowed their sons from attending. So confusing. </p>
<p>For cast parties, I’m right on the same page with Teriwtt. Those are the best. And I agree that dignifying kids with great food sets a good tone, as if to say, “you count and we respect you – cast and crew – even more than potato chips.” The feelings of respectg and appreciation were returned amply, even though we hardly knew any of those 40 kids. They cleaned up after themselves, too. I guess they’re all used to moving “props” around. I love serving great food to kids; they really appreciate it.</p>
<p>Food: Yes to serving good food to kids! Although, sometimes it was hard to keep track of who was vegetarian and who didn’t eat any vegetables at all and who couldn’t stand even a minimal degree of spiciness.</p>
<p>And food/sleepovers: One of the best things about kids’ sleepovers was making breakfast the next morning. Always appreciated, and that was a time when I would get to talk to the kids (my children and their friends) in a relaxed setting where I was not intruding on their space or chaperoning their party. Also, in the pre-driving days, when parents came for pick-up, they often accepted coffee and a muffin, too, and lingered a bit. It was very nice multi-generational community time, and an invaluable way to get of sense of who my children’s friends really were.</p>
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<p>I think I am glad my kids did not go to that school.</p>
<p>Good grief!</p>
<p>Don’t have a co-ed sleepover. Have an all-night party.</p>
<p>My daughter was a day student at arts boarding school. Day students came to the school from as far as an hour away so it was simply much more convenient for parties to become sleepovers. She attended several co-ed sleepovers during her high school years. The parents were always there and very present. If there was any “hooking up”, it was more likely same sex “hooking up”. Which given that 75% of the students were boarding, was pretty hard to prevent.</p>
<p>that brings up a good point unsoccer mom
My daughter “came out” to us at the end of her junior year.
She had been having overnights with friends for years ( usually female except when she was young)</p>
<p>After that, a supervised coed sleepover party, didn’t seem as big of a deal.
As far as I know, she didn’t have a “relationship” with the other girls, however, she did go the spring formal with one.</p>
<p>Yes, a great point, and also why some colleges are now allowing co-ed dorm rooms.</p>
<p>And again, if sex is the agenda, there’s always a way. </p>
<p>I see co-ed parties as a way to assert friendship regardless of gender and take the heat off the idea that kids have to be dating.</p>
<p>I agree with churchmusicmom. I don’t want to live in a world where reputations can be ruined, and our town is not lke that. Not to say that you didn’t Bay. No judgement there.</p>
<p>In our town there is only one of everything so the kids have been together since pre-school. They looked upon each other as “family” and incest taboos applied.</p>
<p>“1. Yes. Parents should provide condoms. We did. (Never touched.)”</p>
<p>I think it would be a good idea to hang them in the bathroom.</p>
<p>Condoms were never touched? Hmmmm it could mean:</p>
<p>a) they were not needed.
b) they were needed but not used.
c) they were needed and used but the guests brought their own. Using up the provided condoms risks grossing out the host parents, and the kids may not have wanted to risk that.</p>
<p>Now if the kids really wanted to shock the parents they would just open up all the condoms in the packets (without actually using them) and let the parents’ imagination run wild about exactly what kind of party it was.</p>
<p>We just left a box of them in the kids’ linen closet (in the bathroom). The kids knew where they were and what they were for (and rolled their eyes a lot in embarassment). Vacariousparent is right, of course: the fact that the box remained full is not evidence of much of anything. Also, keeping them in a discreet place would not necessarily have helped any of their guests, if the situation arose. We weren’t thinking about that (and would not necessarily have felt comfortable if we had thought about it). On the other hand, my kids thought it was so exasperatingly weird and over-PC that I have no doubt they told their closest friends, at least, about it during one or another gripe-about-your-parents session.</p>
<p>
Same here. Sleepovers definitely weren’t that uncommon, and there wasn’t much separation by floor/room. There was only ~30 IBers, and most of us had been in classes together since 6th grade (most even chose the same college). We even had a camping trip up in the mountains (with a couple of very cool chaperones) and had an absolute blast. Like mythmom said, it would’ve been like incest. </p>
<p>CGM- Um, I think maybe your dogs should be put up next time. Unless you want them to freak the kids out?</p>
<p>oh no, the dogs were great…did it just right…all the kids know the dogs…and the dogs would never bite, just do the border collie thing of snarl the lip, stare and be aware!!! and no sneaking in or out, the dogs bark when the front or back doors are opened…quite amusing actually</p>
<p>girls can come up to the car, and the dogs are calm, but boys up to the car…they bark…</p>