<p>I think many people define generational progress as when one’s adult children eventually achieve a standard of living higher than the one they grew up in. This is not happening the way it did when all us boomers came into the world. </p>
<p>Many 20 and 30 something’s are not on what appears to be a success trajectory that is greater than (or even equal to) their parents when they were in their 20’s and 30’s. That’s one way to define progress, and in that way it’s not happening the way it did in the later part of the last century.</p>
<p>But another way is to look at the progress of people’s attitudes and the respect for the diversity of people that make up our world. And in that way I think there has been tremendous progress. </p>
<p>No generation can fix everything that is not perfect about it, but one can look at the glass as half full.</p>
<p>Another way to define ‘progress’ is whether the next generation will have a longer life expectancy than the previous. This is no longer happening with the obesity, diabetes epidemic plaguing the next generation.</p>
<p>I don’t think society should normalize the act of bringing children into the world without any sort of stable home having two married and committed people. It’s detrimental.</p>
<p>“Illegitimate” means that usually, without a specific bequest, they are not considered “legal” heirs. Many wills say “to my son and his legal heirs” which cuts out any out of wedlock children. I suppose that in the olden days before DNA tests, too many children could come out of the woodwork to make claims on estates. So leaving inheritances to only children of the legal wife was a way to verify heirs.</p>
<p>Who am I to judge a person’s choices? Who am I to judge…anything? Fairly simple: We judge people every day. Whether it is whom to hire, who to date, where to live…we judge, if we are able. </p>
<p>And even if one doesn’t choose and remains passive (or nonjudgemental) that is, in fact making a choice.</p>
<p>When do I judge? When do I have the “right” to judge? The moment I am mandated to pay for other’s choices. Seventy percent of teen mothers are on welfare. These kids will not be searching these boards for information about colleges. Some will flourish, most won’t.</p>
<p>I personally find this generation regressing into a “do what makes you happy even if it’s impractical and idiotic” kinda slump.
Complete with more chances than ever to be self absorbed and self righteous.<br>
Not to mention our obsession with this, this we’re all individuals and we should live according to all our whims. Forget contributing to society to ensure its function. Forget having boundaries. Nope. It’s all “do what thou wilt.” Ugh.
“Guise don’t judge let’s all coexist and eat teh rainbowz 4 brakfist. Lalalaldeadadad.”
Just no.</p>
<p>Yes, divorce was not very common in the 40’s and 50’s so my grandmother stayed married to a raging alcoholic who would wander in and out of town every once in a while, usually when he needed money. This went on until my mother and aunt came home from school one day to find him holding a gun on her. It’s a darn shame the lack of family values, but my grandmother finally divorced him. Sadly, in those days there was very little treatment for alcoholics outside of institutionalizing them, which is how my grandfather was treated much of his adult life. He died when I was 7. I’ve been told I met him once. My Nana was a remarkable woman whom I greatly admire. Family was everything to her. The fact that due to societal norms and pressures of that time she stayed in an abusive relationship for one moment beyond her initial feeling of fear sickens me. Such as shame we have progressed to allow women, and men, the freedom to leave physically, and emotionally abusive relationships without shame or stigma from most of society.</p>
<p>Boy, those were the good old days.</p>
<p>And while I’m at it, my parents went through a very ugly divorce when I was 14. They are both much happier people now and should have divorced years earlier. It was a toxic relationship and made for a toxic homelife. </p>
<p>AND I’ll hang out there that I was pregnant when I got married 22 years ago! :eek: Although I’d been engaged for a year and a half, and honest to Betsy we didn’t know it until we got home from the honeymoon. We did have plenty of relatives counting dates when our first was born 9mths later. We never denied it afterwards, but it wasn’t a big deal either (to us anyway). We seriously didn’t know. Plus, we couldn’t have been more thrilled to be parents. Doesn’t it stink that our poor, poor first born is doomed for life because of this stigma. I better call the therapist. He’s 21 and doesn’t even know he’s supposed to have issues, a stain on society.</p>
<p>Oh, I forgot, there’s more… I’m so pleased that my brother was born in an era where as a gay person he felt more comfortable at 25 moving permanently to another country where it’s far more accepted then to live in the US in the late 80’s, early 90’s with discrimination that still goes on today. It broke my heart, but could I blame him? Would I want to live in a society that told me everyday that the very person that I am was wrong, abhorrent even? He’s been in a loving monogamous relationship longer then most marriages last.</p>
And you are avoiding them, I presume, because you realize that it is unseemly to insult innocent infants. Babies are not illegitimate. Criticize their parents all you want.</p>
<p>Married or unmarried, the stigma should attach to parents who have babies they cannot afford, have babies when they are in unstable relationships, have babies when they are still 'babies" or have babies that they neglect.</p>
<p>Blueiguana–my D proudly announces that she is a member of the “was there at my parents’ wedding” club, in a manner of speaking. Surprisingly often, when she brings it up, someone else in the room will “confess” to it, too. Such sad, compromised lives they’re all leading–graduating from good colleges, holding responsible jobs, living fulfilling lives right there for everyone to see! It’s a scandal!</p>
<p>Scandal indeed!!I might contact the powers that be here on CC and ask that a scarlet letter be permanently affixed to the names of both Garland and Blueiguana. ;)</p>
<p>I have researched my Swedish genealogy back to the 1700’s. Most of my ancestors were born less than 9 months after the marriage occurred. Must be all those cold winter nights or too much of the midnight sun. The local church was responsible for maintaining all birth, death and marriage records. There was a designated column in the record book for out of wedlock births. In Sweden “o</p>
<p>Quite sure statistical evidence supporting the often damaging effects being born out of wedlock to parents who never marry (is usually the case from what I’ve seen) has upon the children in the long run trumps these nice success stories. Not every kid born outside of marriage has two parents willing to marry and provide support. This is why having children outside of wedlock should not be encouraged.</p>
<p>I grew up in Los Angeles. When I went to Brentwood Elementary divorce/remarriage was so common it was ridiculous. I remember the “I’m taking that sob to the cleaners!” (My parents never divorced…one and done). No stigma here for divorce. But boy did I know who the best pis were.</p>
<p>Do you mean to say that the ■■■■■■■ should be punished in some way (beyond whatever existing disadvantages s/he may have) because of the actions of his/her parents?</p>
<p>Send him to the workhouse! Then he can escape and become a pickpocket/thief! Oh wait, that was a Dickens novel. At least he won’t be on welfare.</p>
<p>For me, it’s not that there is not a marriage in place, that is the issue, but that too often there are not two parents able and willing to raise a child. This can happen whether the couple is married or not.</p>
<p>My cousin’s daughter has a child and neither parent has the wherewithal to take care of anyone including themselves and each other. That is the pressing problem, not whether the parents are married. That is much further down on the list, if on it at all, of things those parents need to do.</p>
<p>A lot of the statistics about the issues of children out of wedlock occur not because of the lack of the marriage but because the commitments are often more fleeting in those cases. Getting married does require some additional steps of commitment whether they are taken or not. I think in the too many cases like my cousin’s situation marriage isn’t going the solve any of the problems those parents have.</p>
Surprisingly often, when she brings it up, someone else in the room will “confess” to it, too. Such sad, compromised lives they’re all leading–graduating from good colleges, holding responsible jobs, living fulfilling lives right there for everyone to see! It’s a scandal!</p>