OP, I fully support your decision not to take part in you HS graduation.
However, you said that your family might not take kindly to this decision. Since you are already not in great communication with them, I am concerned that this decision may worsen the situation, and it seems like you are going to need their financial support for your college education. Would your parents ever cut off support if they don’t like this type of decision? If so, then you may need to think very carefully about the cost/benefit ratio for this activity.
Here’s another idea. Consider telling your HS counselor “yes”, but reserve (in your own mind) the possibility that you will actually not attend when the time comes. You can always be “too busy” or have some important college or employment activity that would make attending difficult or impossible. This decision preserves the peace while you are in transition to your new, post-HS life – and it also preserves options that you just possibly might appreciate having in the future. Next May is still a long way away, and saying “yes” now may make both the present and future a little easier.