<p>The OP and her parents appear to be willing to pay 0. That’s what she said in her post. </p>
<p>I think that a lot of people who come from middle class families with some flexibility have an unrealistic view of the financial aid system as compared with students who may come from families with little or no flexibility. By “flexibility” I mean that some of us may definitely need financial aid, but also have some wiggle room when it comes to raising money – that is, we may have excellent credit (more borrowing power), home equity, assets outside the view of the financial aid system that can be liquidated or borrowed against - such as the cash value of a life insurance fund or money in retirement accounts, educational credentials that make it realistic for a parent to take on a 2nd job or increase hours, or self-employment that enables some flexibility in terms of income and expenses. (Face it: I’m self employed. The first thing I did when my daughter got a college that was more expensive than I had planned was to raise my rates. I couldn’t radically increase income that way – I would have lost my clients – but a small rate increase could push my income up by a few thousand.)</p>
<p>The OP didn’t give info about her parents, but there are some families that come to this decision point already maxed out in terms of what they can do to raise money for college – they are already carrying all the debt they can bear, or working all the hours they can possibly manage, or they simply don’t have the skills or credentials that give them the ability to increase their earning capacity in the short term. </p>
<p>A parent who is willing to pay $5K more for a desired school is NOT in the same boat as the typical 0 EFC, Pell-eligible family. If you are standing on the 4th rung of a ladder, it is easy to see that your are lower down on that ladder than the person on the 10th rung… but for some reason people giving advice don’t seem to understand that the person on the bottom does not have the same options. One very big difference is that the lower the person is on the economic ladder, the HARDER it is to move up a rung. </p>
<p>Too many people confuse the concept of “want” with “need”, and the concept of “preference” with “affordability” when discussing financial need. Most parents probably include their perception of college quality or desireability in their financial equation - but then the reality is that the parent can “afford” whatever is the maximum they would be willing to pay for the prize school. So if your mom was willing to pay $5K more for Swarthmore than Pomona… it means that she had $5K more to spend (though she probably was also accounting for travel expenses, so the actual out-of-pocket might have been a little less).</p>