I’m glad you had a chance to talk about your feelings and ideas about eloping.
We had that “meet the parents” weekend in March, but I’ve since found out the kids have a very long timeline for when they plan to marry. Fine with me, and now there won’t be any pressure or surprises about meeting her family. (And they are lovely!) Kids definitely do things differently these days!
That’s the most shocking thing I’ve read on this board in ages. How did that happen?
Given your parents’ health issues I can see how you might not want to spring the news on them now, but how did it get that way? Or rather, how did it stay that way so long?
Well , I was kind of shocked by that too - not that the parents didn’t drink but that the adult children had felt the need to keep their drinking from them. But every family dynamic is different.
I think upthread I said that I eloped and that I wouldn’t care if any of my kids did. Well, that was then, and this is now… This morning, D’s bf of almost 4 years called me and asked for my and H’s permission to propose to her! Although I had previously thought that was a ridiculous and old-fashioned tradition that H and didn’t follow, hearing him ask us was SO amazing. I am still walking on air and holding my breath until the proposal on Saturday. She is having her annual birthday/Halloween party and he is going to change the cake from “Happy Birthday” to “Will You Marry Me?” I know D didn’t all of the hoopla but I think she will do something for family and friends.
I don’t find it shocking at all. Alcohol is a delicate subject in some families.
My husband and I don’t drink alcohol. The fact that he doesn’t drink is a big part of why I married him (I come from a long line of alcoholics and didn’t want to have to cope with that in my own household). My husband is adamantly opposed to anyone drinking alcohol. I don’t share that view. I don’t care if you drink, as long as you respect the fact that I don’t.
Our daughter doesn’t drink,. But our son does. I’ve known this all along, but my husband didn’t know until our son was 31 – and he drank a beer at his sister’s wedding reception.
You would have to understand my parents’ religious beliefs in order to understand. Their religion is EVERYTHING to them. For me not to follow one of their tenets would hurt them more than you could imagine. I’m not going to inflict that pain on them.
@MaineLonghorn, would it be you who was doing the inflicting?
Today’s young couples getting married – especially the highly educated ones – tend not to be as young as the brides and grooms of previous generations. Among the young people I know, late 20s or early 30s is typical.
Couples that age make a lot of their own decisions about their weddings, and since they’re often paying for part or all of the wedding, they have the right to do this. My daughter and her husband made ALL the decisions. She was 28 and he was 30; parents don’t usually control the lives of grown children of those ages.
So if a decision is made to serve alcohol at one of your kids’ weddings, that decision would probably have been made by your child and his/her future spouse, not you.
Yes, when it comes to the wedding, my kids will have to decide what to do. I was talking about informing them that I drink at all.
In my case it’s because my dad had a very unhappy childhood and claimed that granddad was a drinker. I didn’t want to worry them.
I wouldn’t drink at the wedding , or any venue where someone I cared about was in attendance Would not want me drinking. It’s not important enough to me to do so. Non alcohol sparkly is often served at celebratory events
An issue is if your parents won’t go to an event like a wedding where alcohol is served and how they will feel about grandchildren drinking. Your kids might want to serve and drink alcohol at their wedding.
I went to a very nice dry wedding. Held at a Methodist church hall. Only champagne to toast allowed and the couple even eschewed that and used sparkling cider. However, after that reception , they held a late night dance party at a local place where alcohol was served. I think only the young crowd, bride ‘s and groom’s friends and peer relatives attended. We didn’t go. It was word of mouth , not on wedding/reception invite