<p>OP, do you know for a fact that there is no supervision? When my girls were around those ages, I lived in a townhouse and my neighbor’s door faced mine and she kept an eye on my kids sometimes and I kept an eye on her kids. We had complete line of sight to each other’s downstairs and could hear each other perfectly with the doors open. It would be great to ask if there’s anything they need or to offer some flexibility as MOWC suggested.</p>
<p>I have long been amazed at the change in attitudes over the years-my grandmother was babysitting a neighbor INFANT when she was 8-9 years old. Her “pay” was to get to ride in the family’s “horseless carriage”, the only one in town. My grandfather was a “newsboy” at that age-you know, standing on the street corners downtown yelling, “Paper! Get your paper here!”</p>
<p>At 9 I was running a summer fundraising fair where we biked to houses all over town asking for donations of used goods that we then sold one weekend in August. I was in charge of my 4 younger siblings and my friends were in charge of theirs. My H was going down to the famous Pike Place Market for the week’s meat and fish alone on the bus at 9, sometimes he was in charge of cooking dinner while his single mother worked one of her two jobs and his older siblings were at work helping to pay the bills to keep their house.</p>
<p>Today any of the parents would be reported to the police for child neglect/abuse for allowing such things. And that author in NYC who allows her kid to take the subway alone (“Free Range Mom”) has been called a child abuser…surely there’s a middle ground?</p>
<p>SOME 9 year olds can certainly watch a 5 yo alone for 2 hours for a few weeks. SOME religions and cultures do not believe in birth control and SOME families come from cultures where even young children are raised with a high level of responsibility. Perhaps the family in the OP falls into such catagories? I saw nothing to indicate that this was a permanent plan, nor that the newborn would be under the care of the 9 yo, nor that these people couldn’t afford to have these kids in the long term. Daycare is EXPENSIVE and if the H was out of work, they’re probably not in a situation for pay for daycare for 5 kids. But chances are they need the income theyre getting and this is the best they can do right now.</p>
<p>Unless the person tells you or you see it for yourself, no, you cannot know for A FACT if the situation is true. My opinion is, however, that it is highly likely to be true. It happens a lot. Childcare can not only be expensive but onerous. It’s a lot easier to just leave the kids alone and hope nothing bad happens.</p>
<p>The question now is what the OP’s responsibility is now that she has this information and that it is likely true. If the information given was that the kids were being beaten or molested and had that degree of certainty of being true, there is no question that it should be reported to child services or the police. THat this might be against state law, that there is a risk with no adult or someone who is of age to baby sit present is the issue that has to be weighed by the reality that reporting someone to the proper authorities can get them into a lot of trouble and possibly put them into a worse situation. If the OP were a person that is required by law to report these sort of things, there is no question what s/he should do. But as an ordinary citizen confronted with this, I really don’t know what to say to do.</p>
<p>The reality is that there are a lot of families living on that balance. I don’t report a lot of things that I think are happening that are not according to the law. But here there is a distinct possibility that the some adverse things can happen to the kids. </p>
<p>The “party line” thing to do is to report it. I don’t know if I would.</p>
<p>That this sort of thing has been going on and has been going on for years with out a lot of problems is beside the point. We hear that argument about just about everything. That your grandmother at age 9 babysat 5 kids from an infant to a grade schooler back in the day and nothing adverse occured is beside the point. My MIL tells me these things all of the time. Then I visited the family churchyard and got a reality check on what the children’s mortality rate was in those good old days when these constrictures, rules, healthcare measures, vaccines were not around.</p>
<p>The whole question could be resolved by simply asking it.</p>
<p>From the original post it sounds as if the situation has only been going on for about a month (when the dad returned to work). Now the mom will be on maternity leave for awhile, so perhaps the family will have something else worked out when the mom goes back to work after her leave. Times are tough, and a lay-off or job loss can happen out of the blue, and can even happen to the best planners among us.</p>
<p>To the OP
What would be accomplished by reporting this family? With two working parents, it is highly likely that they will not be able to take advantage of the programs that are available to low-income families. So, what would the solution be? Go into debt for child care? Do you know anyone who’d volunteer to do childcare for free?
If not, then I suggest that you stay out of it. You simply do not have enough information to make a well-informed decision.</p>
<p>I babysat for infants when I was 10.</p>
<p>re reporting it – i don’t think this should be your first move. If you are concerned about the wellbeing of the 9 and 5 year olds, then tell the employee you’ve heard she’s regularly leaving them home alone, that you feel this endangers them and you feel obliged to inform CPS unless she stops. Without knowing anything more about these particular children, I myself would not act this way. That is because it’s clear to me that some 9 and 5 year olds (perhaps not most, but SOME) are responsible enough and level-headed enough to be safe on their own for a short while.</p>
<p>Calling CPS on her without first directly confronting her about the problem seems to be a spiteful and aggressive act intended more to cause her trouble than to help the family.</p>
<p>I’m the OP, but I never recommended any course of action or reporting; or even voiced my opinion. I simply stated what had happened. I will admit I was/am bothered by the thought that this could be occurring. In my view, it is, in this day and age, extremely dangerous to leave a 5 year old under the supervision of a 9 year old. But I do understand the economic pressures and lack of choice families are sometimes under. There is no good solution either way. Given that the Mom will be out recuperating from her C-Section for a few weeks, who knows what might happen - maybe she’ll make new arrangements during that time. I certainly hope so.</p>
<p>Only you know your area and the safety concerns. And you don’t know the kids, which is the main determiner as to how safe they might be. </p>
<p>With clear instructions, neighbors to call, and the fact that the mom is touching base with the kids by picking them up at 2:30, and seeing them home safely, I don’t think it is the worse of all worlds. When I was young, that sort of arrangement was often the norm. Thinking of safety, I think our current world has that one beat, though we have a greater perception of danger. </p>
<p>Being an emotional support to this mom might be your best course of action. And kudos to your employer for having the sort of flexibility that allows her to pick up her kids mid afternoon.</p>
<p>It’s possible that a hs babysitter or the dad arrive a the house soon after dropoff. Or a neighbor pops in. Hopefully this is the case.</p>
<p>When I was 8, my sister was 7, and my brother was 5, we used to walk home from school together, .6 miles, let ourselves into the house until our mom came home to cook dinner. Both mom and dad worked. Similar story with my H. Flash forward to our kids, where H would not let them be alone in house until 13. I used to babysit other kids when I was 10.</p>
<p>my son was somewhat precocious (which can actually be deceptive when a child appears more intelligent or more mature) but I had to always remind myself of his chronological age when making these decisions. i know some adults who get by great on life experience and perhaps lower brainpower, often I see couples making excellent decisions only because they have learned to pool their decision making together. </p>
<p>I remember Googling my state’s guidelines and felt that it gave me a good frame of reference.</p>
<p>I would suggest to OP to look up your state and other states guidelines just as a frame of reference. I think that they are devised well and aside from outlier states give good minimal standards. your situation strikes me as a dilemma for yourself, I think that the children are too young at nine and five other than for sixteen minutes alone. I know , how did i come up with sixteen…</p>
<p>Gated community, neighborhood, child intelligence, phone accessibility all come in to thought eventually.</p>
<p>Actually, this family is lucky in one way – the two kids seem able to be left home together without excessive fighting.</p>
<p>I know families in which the kids can be left home alone but not together because there is so much hostility between them.</p>
<p>Also, to the OP: Reporting or threatening to report this family might put you in the difficult position of having to respond to the mom’s request that she be allowed to bring the kids with her to work for the hours when they would otherwise be alone.</p>
<p>I get fearful when I hear people say that “the authorities” should rush in and investigate this situation. Sorry, I’m just too skeptical to allow ill-informed people in authority to have jurisdiction over how a parent chooses to raise her/his children when we don’t know that the child is in danger.</p>
<p>I’m not crazy about 10 year olds being left alone at home, but parents should be allowed the freedom to make judgments about their own and their children’s circumstances. There are too many overzealous child protection agents whom are quick to wisk away children and incarcerate parents for poor decisions that are not crimes, or at least shouldn’t be crimes. For example, the lawyer who got so mad at her two daughters arguing in the back seat, she made one of them get out of the car, and proceeded to slowly drive off. The mother drove away slowly and apparently never intended to actually leave the child at the roadside. Certainly it was a not the best way to teach a child a lesson, but arresting the mother and keeping her in lock-up for days? Not appropriate in that case, in my opinion.</p>
<p>“The whole question could be resolved by simply asking it.”
-This is intrusion. The person will be offended. It is nobody’s business, unless you are planning to provide help. You can only ask if you state that you can provide help if needed.</p>
<p>When I was in first grade I got paid $.75 a week to take care of my kindergarten brother after school. We lived in a rather bad part of the city, and we knew to only walk home on our street and NEVER go a block in either direction. By nine I was cooking supper so that we could eat when my parents came home at 6.</p>
<p>If it’s a choice between daycare for the older two kids or feeding the family dinner, I’d choose dinner. </p>
<p>As for “accidents”: the family may be Catholic, Orthodox Jewish, Muslim, Mormon or conservative Christian. One can try the rhythm method, but that often becomes the rhythm to “Rockabye Baby”.</p>
<p>Excellent post Lake Washington. (#55). You summed up my feelings exactly. </p>
<p>I found myself in a similar situation once.
We’d just moved into our current neighborhood and had barely met our neighbors. A within a week of our arrival, we had the truant officer at our door. Turned out that my next door neighbor is a public school teacher and instead of just taking to me (I could have easily told her that yes, homeschooling is legal and no, this state does not require me to inform the local school board that I am homeschooling. I was very aware of state law regarding homeschooling.) she went straight to the truant officer. </p>
<p>Overzealous truant officers and school principals can make life for a homeschooler very uncomfortable/miserable. I was fortunate that this truant officer was very reasonable when I explained the state law. Others have not been so fortunate.</p>
<p>I used to babysit my infant and toddler siblings while Mom worked and went to school from the time I was 10 or 11-16 (and of course, frequently still until I went away to college). It was fine; yet, that was a different era.</p>
<p>
It is intrusive, but it is a better option than either reporting someone to the authorities based on no information or continuing to talk about the person behind her back.</p>