Ex won't give me any information

Parents Forum
101

<p>All it means is that the kid is not going to get the Pell. That FAFSA feels based on certain assets and income that ex wife and hubby has, that the family can pay $20K. Now if they are sitting in a house that paid off, that changes the ability to pay tremendously, doesn’t it? Or if they have a large amount in qualified pension money that would not be reflected in the EFC. If they are deeply in debt and close to bankruptcy, they are not going to be able pay that $20K and that would not be reflected in that number. Nor would their costs of living. Besides, how the heck would it affect what the OP CAN pay? It’s not his ability to pay is affected by his ex’s EFC. He probably has not run his own numbers through the calculator. </p>

<p>The only reason someone wants the EFC number is if he is basing what he is going to pay on what he thinks the other family should pay. THe chances are pretty danged good he has a good idea of what they are going to want to pay, and my bet is that it is nothing.</p>

102

<p>07DAD–I think you’re being very reasonable. As far as your question about the financial award letters, I think you can request a copy from each college if your ex or child won’t give them to you, but as I said, I don’t see why your ex wouldn’t, if she wants you to be part of the payment. The financial aid info only includes said info; it has no info on private finances or anything else.</p>

<p>I see a lot of misinformation on this site. As 07DAD states, each side is not entitled to see the others’ financial submissions, such as fafsa and profile (my ex filed profile and I would never think to ask him to see it to ‘get an idea of what I can contribute’). As someone else said, yeah, it’s a really good idea to have all this in the settlement if you are living in a state that doesn’t mandate it. I am fortunate in living in NJ, which does regard the non custodial parent - in most cases - as obligated to help pay, usually proportional to income. </p>

<p>Again, the decisions are usually based on the fafsa, or fafsa and profile. But there is absolutely no reason anyone needs to see the EFC if the ex doesn’t want to show it. The only reason I can think of is if the ex wants to see if her finances are better than he thought and he can then go after her in court. Really, I can see no non-hostile reason. The EFC is meaningless until you get to the ACTUAL FINANCIAL AID DECISION. This is what matters. </p>

<p>I’ll say it again. Every college is very different. EFC itself is meaningless without taking into account the particular college’s ability and willingness to pay. For instance, the year before, my EFC was…0. One of my son’s colleges offered no aid at all. None. Another college offered a loan only, along with work study up to $3500. Woo hoo. Another offered $45000 in GRANTS. Guess which one we chose. </p>

<p>Again, non-custodials, remember that for some reason Fafsa doesn’t require your income, so, particularly for colleges which require only the Fafsa, you are getting a really good deal and paying far far less then you normally would. I would say, don’t shake the boat here. Count your blessings.</p>

<p>I showed the financial letters to my ex. I had not shown anything beforehand. We both agreed - it was a no brainer - that we were in support of son’s decision to go to $45000-in-Grant Place. THen we divided up the rest proportionally, as per NJ law. Also as per our agreement. That’s that. BTW, we do not really get along; it’s just that we made the agreement. Moral: Get that agreement taken care of before your kid goes to college! </p>

<p>GOod luck–</p>

103

<p>Ah yes I contradicted myself. I think way back on post#31 I was under the impression the award letter was available.
Without that the EFC very well could be of value. It depends on factors to which we are not privy. It will tell him if his daughter would qualify for financial aid, including subsidized stafford loans and pell grants.</p>

<p>

not necessarily. If the mom is remarried and her spouse has a large income that could skew it out of dad’s favor. If Dad agreed to pay thinking it would cost $10,000/year and they don’t qualify for FA and she goes to a school that costs $30,000 then Dad is $5000 in the hole.</p>

104

<p>Post 91 from OP:</p>

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105

<p>I think it is clear that at this point it is too early to say what the final net COA is going to be. Doubt the kid will qualify for PELL, as that would be obvious. So the best would be something from a FAFSA only school and Stafford loans, a max of $5.5K, $9.5 K if the parents don’t qualify for PLUS.</p>

106

<p>^
I dunno - I don’t think the OP stated that the mom is remarried - I couldn’t find where he said that. If she is not remarried then a pell grant may be in the picture.</p>

<p>In any case - the award letter has been received and Dad needs to see it.
He is gonna have to work with his daughter.</p>

107

<p>AND again I say…the DAUGHTER is the one who can designate anyone she chooses to get the BURSARS bill online. The dad needs to see the BILL. The EFC doesn’t matter a lick. It’s what is left to pay AFTER the financial aid has been dispersed.</p>

108

<p>Page 5 had a lot of posts about paying the college directly, I have always given the money to the kids, I want them to see it and feel the pain when they write the check!</p>

109

<p>The OP needs to have a talk with his d and explain in a loving way that the college considers an adult and makes her responsible for getting her bills paid. He can tell her that he wants to honor his promise to help her pay for college, but in order to do so he needs to see the award letter so that he knows what he will have to budget, and he needs her to set him up as a payee. It is the daughter’s responsibility to make sure that this happens so that her college education will not be at risk. </p>

<p>If her mother is in control of her account, then she needs to call the college and rectify that situation. Then she can name both parents as payees and can share any information that she wants or needs to. She might like a little help in setting this up, but the password should be hers alone and not given out to anyone else, including mom or dad. If her mom is miffed - well, time for the mom to start relinquishing control and for the daughter to figure out how to stand up to her. The OP can be supportive of his daughter but shouldn’t contact the ex directly except to inform her how much he is willing to pay based on the COA and the award letter.</p>

<p>While I like the idea of the kid feeling pain, in this situation paying the school directly seems like it will create the least tension.</p>

110

<p>somemom,
S writes a check, too, for his share. It’s proportional, so he says OUCH, too. ;)</p>

111

<p>I agree that paying the school directly is probably best for the tuition, room and board - but still think that a joint account where the dad can deposit money for books, spending money etc is a good idea. It just makes it easier if both of your names are on the account.</p>

112

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<p>Unlikely. When kids go to college, THEIR names are on the bursars account, not the parents UNLESS the kids designate their parents to receive and be authorize to view this information. </p>

<p>The OP should check to see if this is true at his daughter’s college. I will be VERY surprised if they say that the MOM has the authorization to make decisions about who does and does not see the billings.</p>

113

<p>Pay the school directly. I know of three cases where the kid was deep into partying… used tuition to pay debts/party more. These were all good kids at one time… but frankly, their parents trusted everything that ever came out of their mouths and were far too naive.</p>

114

<p>I’ve seen that one too. But you know if your kid drops out or takes leave, at a number of school the refund goes to the kid. Some parents have had some nasty surprises thinking that their kid was registered and going to college when they were living off the tuition checks. You can live well on that amount.</p>

115

<p>From what OP has said, the daughter is still living with her mother. We don’t know if she is 18 yet or not, but presumably when classes start in the fall, she will be living on campus. Although she may technically be an adult, she is still living with her mother who is making it difficult for her to get information, too, apparently. </p>

<p>I would suggest that the OP find out from the school’s website the COA for the school his daughter will attend and decide how much he is comfortable paying (presumably half). He should tell D that he will pay X amount per year for 4 years (with whatever other stipulations he wants), paid directly to the university upon receipt of a bill, and anything that is left over will be hers at graduation. </p>

<p>That makes it clear to D that he is perfectly willing to help, gives D incentive to be responsible/truthful so that she gets any leftover money at graduation, and completely eliminates the mom from the situation with the least hassle. Furthermore, he will eventually see the bill which will show FA & other payments made. If the money dad proposes to pay isn’t enough, then they (D and/or mom) will have to provide him with documentation of cost & FA before he will do anything further. </p>

<p>This also avoids pitting the D against her mother to get any information. The D may not know what she is entitled to, who has a right to what, or what her options are. It’s very difficult when you are living with someone to go against what they are blatantly telling you is one way.</p>

116

<p>Hair standing up on back of neck.</p>

<p>I’m with hoveringmom. I think she hit the nail on the head with her analysis. I don’t think she was overly harsh. I can only guess that anyone who does, has not had the misfortune of dealing with somebody who talks (and that’s all I know about him … his talk) like OP. I see red flags.</p>

<p>We don’t know that mom is manipulative or controlling or putting dad down to daughter. We do know that dad is putting mom down.</p>

<p>Why does he keep his daughter in the middle of this fight for control, while complaining that mom is doing the same?</p>

<p>And why isn’t his nearly-adult daughter happily, willingly sharing her college information with dad? She’s so stupid or immature or na</p>

117

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<p>Yes…could be on the financial aid letter. BUT most definitely will be on the BILL. The dad needs the BILL and the DAUGHTER can get him access to that at every university I know about. The mom has NO SAY in what the daughter does with billing access (or any other access…like talking to professors or grades). That is up to the student who can sign a waiver allowing access to whomever she pleases…including her DAD. Oh…and due to privacy issues, the college would NOT tell the MOM that this has happened.</p>

118

<p>thumper1 - the problem is the BILL won’t be available until July - it is now March.</p>

<p>Dad needs to do some financial planning here - if the information is essentially available now then why withhold it.</p>

<p>simplelife - you and others are making assumptions that may or may not be true. </p>

<p>It is too bad that the three of them can’t sit down over dinner and discuss the finances like adults. It IS clear that Mom has some pertinent information NOW that Dad does not have. For whatever reason, such communication is not going to happen.</p>

<p>Don’t judge the daughter, father or mother on this fourm - that is presumptious on your part. No one reading Dad’s posts knows what is REALLY happening and you all are just speculating.</p>

119

<p>OP is contradicting himself in his posts in ways that make no sense. Why does he need to see the EFC if she already has the award letter? Why does he indicate in post one that she doesn’t have the award letter, and in a later post that she does? </p>

<p>The answer is simple: have d get him on approved payers list with the college (they won’t release info without that) and then he can see what he needs to see. I have seen this suggestion offered several times in this thread. It answers the OP’s problem pretty fully. Is there some reason that this can’t happen? True the award letter is not the bill. But it is a place to start and if he is on the approved payers list, I think he would have access to that as well.</p>

120

<p>About whose money the college views the tuition payments to be:</p>

<p>When I was in college in 1969 they had the draft lottery in December. Several males who got high draft numbers (not me–I was draft number 18) waited until the next semester had been paid by their parents and then withdrew and used the money to head to Europe. One guy’s parents didn’t figure this out for three weeks.</p>

<p>I am sure that the majority of colleges issue the check to the student if they withdraw.</p>

<p>BTW- both my Ex and I use the college’s EFT to make our payments to the college.</p>