@glubglub I don’t know if others noticed, but I did. Your post is so well-written, authentic, impactful and even creative. In other words. I think you have talent as a writer.
I am sorry you are in an environment that seems high-stressed and competitive. In my experience (I am older and my kids are older), it is often those who are not the glittering stars in high school, who find a fulfilling path in life. Be yourself!
Look into colleges where you can thrive. For instance, Colleges that Change Lives
Colleges That Change Lives – Changing Lives. One Student At A Time. (ctcl.org)
You are going to do absolutely fine. And when comes time to write an essay, and you want feedback, feel free to message me if you are able. I would love to read anything you write!