@VaBluebird So sorry your mom is in the end stages. I agree a heads up is in order. Not intervening just advising is in order. They (your kids and nephew) are bringing kids that may need to be prepared. It can be very shocking to think you are just visiting an older relative and enter into a difficult emotional situation where visiting is not easy. The more they know the better it will go
Thank you one and all. You are very kind and helpful. My nephew is an ordained Methodist minister who will be officiating her services. I do think it’s really wonderful for he and her to spend some time together. He is really special. He helped me so much through losing my dad, his grandfather.
Late to this discussion. We are going through this with my dad. I wasn’t sure he would make it to Thanksgiving, but he did. I warned the kids he was ill and would be more tired and out of it than usual. The first day we were together he mostly napped, but then he rallied and seemed pretty normal.
I am also so pleased the kids want to spend time with my folks and my parents are delighted the kids want to visit. The kids surprised me during this last trip, stopping by my parents’ apartment to help clean up and put back the furniture before leaving town.
Another vote here for telling them. Make sure they know, then let them decide and support their decision. Also, first, see if your mom would want visits (my mom did NOT want to see my kids as her end days neared. It was heartbreaking, but I could tell that she was circling the wagons so to speak and she only wanted to see a very close few family members). If she can’t decide, then let them decide whether to go. For us, saying goodbye (the kids knew when Grandma’s “last visit” to our house was) was very, very healing and comforting. Plus, you don’t want the kids to be shocked by her appearance and not know what to say or how to visit with her…it doesn’t come naturally, visiting with someone who is very ill, they may need some advice.
I guess I’m a little confused here. I just really am puzzled by the length of discussion here on whether they are capable of handling this, or reference to “adulting.” These are full-grown adults and this is their grandmother. Haven’t they been in on discussions about her health all along? I know my adult kids were very in on the loop with my mom’s health, especially as she started failing. I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be talking to thirty- and forty-somethings about this.
I’m also very, very sorry for your impending loss. Having lost my mom this year, I do know how hard this is on all, and hope and expect that these younger folk will be there to support you.
I appreciate this thread - I hadn’t thought about warning my kids what to expect when they visit their grandparents in a few weeks. My son who’s overseas hasn’t seen them in two years, and he will be shocked at their appearance. I think I should clue him in.