We are in the process of visiting schools and my son has some interest from several athletic recruits. He will be a 9th grader next year and has had a few in-school or 1-day suspensions for pretty insignificant issues (that’s what the principal called them - told us it was simply district policy - he “pants” a friend at a field day event). He also has one 3-day suspension because he threw a punch after another kid had planned to fight him (son told me about this possibility of a fight the night before and I had reached out to guidance). Our family policy is you never throw the first punch, but if you are attacked you may absolutely defend yourself and we will support you - as long as it’s only in defense. Which is what he did. But now he has his heart set on BS and his poor decisions have to be brought to light based on the application disclosure. Principal and teacher recommendations will be positive and discuss his immense growth and maturity. But how do we best address the elephant on the Candidate Profile on the Gateway and SAO applications? I’m just at a loss as to how to best give detail without getting into the weeds - or giving too little info. I don’t want to draw attention to his actions in 6/7 grade as he has clearly matured and learned from his mistakes.
For perspective - we are in public schools, pretty rough district. Son wants to get away from the public school environment so he can focus on sports and school. Son does have a 504 for ADD. (I have two others in the same public schools with no issues).
Thanks. Insignificant I suppose isn’t the right word. But insignificant to our administrators compared to the other issues at our public schools. Drugs, gangs, weapons at school. We take all of this very seriously as a family and truly believe son will thrive in a different environment where there are smaller classes, the focus he wants on athletics and academics and in his words, not being embarrassed or shy to speak up in class because here if you are a “try hard” you get bullied. It’s so disheartening. My other two have thicker skin and are definitely “try hards.” This son wants to be but won’t be his authentic self in the public school environment.
I’m not sure how best to do this, but in talking about this, it’s probably important to explain, rather than defend, those actions. (If you treat breaking a rule as insignificant - no matter how crazy the rule is - you leave the AO wondering what will happen when your kid breaks a rule at their school, one which fits into their norms.) Your son should be ready to show growth from (and remorse?).
In interviews, particularly parent interviews (or statements), you can describe the current environment (citing the fighting, bullying, etc) as one of the reasons you are seeking a different environment.
Most AOs realize that kids mature. Most also understand that many kids are considering BS to change their environment - for any number of reasons.
As an aside, particularly when you get to the point of choosing from schools where you have acceptances, make sure you look at discipline policies. These vary enormously, both in terms of what is an infraction as well as in how many poor choices you can make before being shown the door. I don’t say this assuming your kid is more likely than any other to get in trouble, but because this is one of those things that catches a lot of families flat-footed. Given where you are now, you definitely don’t want to revisit this!
Is it possible for the Principal to write a letter to accompany your application with a letter of recommendation about how your son has changed or how these were minor infractions compared to the other issues that students at the school are facing? Having an advocate for him could change the AO’s impression of his past behavioral incidents.
I have observed that prior to the kid entering a particular school, the parents are clamoring for “One Strike and You’re Out” type of discipline. You do the “crime”, you do the time, whether it’s a one day suspension or something more seriously. Once their kid is at the school, it’s a 180 degree turnaround- parents report that their kid knows a friend is getting into serious stuff with substances, other problematic behaviors, and nobody will get the kid help because of “One strike and you’re out” and who wants a friend kicked out of school (or more typically, asked to leave in a genteel way).
Make sure your kid is on board with the school’s disciplinary policies before you make a decision. Humility helps. There but by the grace of god… etc.
So to answer your question- an honest, humble and transparent answer is the way to go. A school that is going to view your kid as a troublemaker based on what you’ve posted is likely not a fit– so better that they reject him rather than suspend him down the road. A school that will view his infractions in context is likely the better environment for him, no? So a brief but complete explanation would be my suggestion.
pantsing would be considered sexual assault in many places and certainly bullying…. Both would be huge infractions at schools I’m familiar with - and would be considered worse than getting caught with pot or alcohol honestly.
Whatever you do make it known you all think these were real, serious, infractions he learned from…