Real- people can be limited in their thinking. I know people who bemoan how expensive everything is in the NY Metro area (and it is) but nobody forces you to buy a house in New Canaan CT. You can slide 5 miles down the parkway to Norwalk CT and home prices drop quickly, or a few miles in the other direction and live in Stamford where home prices are moderately lower but taxes are MUCH lower due to a big corporate and commercial tax base. You don’t need to join a private tennis/swim club; your kids can learn to swim at the YMCA (no bar! no dress code in the dining room because they don’t HAVE a dining room!)
If you live in a high rent district, your choices start to feel rational because you are surrounded by other people who also think you need to join a private club. Even high COL areas have towns and places with lower costs and lower everything.