<p>Fidoprincess, I mentored a young man whose parents are economically disadvantaged immigrants who did not attend college. He graduated from Columbia last year, with an engineering degree. It was his second bachelors - his first was from a top LAC, and Columbia gave him full financial aid for the 2nd bachelors, believe it or not. He found it challenging academically, but he did very well. The administration was supportive & there were services such as tutoring available. His only (small) issue was that many of his peers & even his profs seemed to assume that everyone was well-off … he experienced this with peers at the LAC, but not with the profs. It was more of an observation than a complaint, but it was a bit of an eye-opener for him - we live in a very socioeconomically diverse area, and no one here would ever assume that “everyone” has certain things at their disposal, or has had certain experiences. As I said, though, that was a small thing. Overall, he loved his time at Columbia. He now works at a start-up that creates apps … and he makes a ridiculous amount of money. The opportunities and network your son could gain at Columbia are pretty amazing.</p>
<p>That said, I am a huge proponent of letting my kids decide these things themselves … because if they later think they made a mistake, they don’t get to blame me. :)</p>
<p>I love that backstory. It sounds like the makings of a movie, honestly. It’s a Sister Act kind of story! You all must be so proud of that group of young people. I can totally see why they were accepted to so many great schools if they conveyed their drive and determination in their essays. </p>
<p>Oldfort… it’s ok that you brought me into it. I don’t know why I got so defensive or felt the need to defend my actions. </p>
<p>Personally, I did not have the confidence to take on NYC (or even go very far from home) when I was that age. I love that my daughter has that confidence and has embraced her new life so fully. In the meantime, I’ve discovered an amazing new place to visit! Bonus :)</p>
<p>That’s odd. Of the “USNWR top 25 national universities”, Columbia has the third highest percentage of Pell grant undergraduates at 29% (only UCLA and Berkeley have more at 39% and 38%). So it would be odd for students and faculty at Columbia to assume that other students are necessarily from wealthy backgrounds.</p>
<p>I am really appalled by people questioning a parent showing up for a serious medical procedure for a freshman college student. If you haven’t had a kid get really sick in college, then maybe you should just be thankful and hope that your luck continues. It’s always a good idea to have someone present to advocate for you if you are not going to be in a condition to advocate for yourself. </p>
<p>OP, Pomona is a great school, but I’m not sure it’s the right school for someone who wants to do engineering. Two of my kids had great options and waited through the month of April to decide. He’ll decide. It just may be a very stressful week for you.</p>
<p>By some of the reasoning here no one should go out of easy driving range ever for college. And forget about study abroad programs. I had mono as a freshman at my college 1500 miles from home. I had a foot injury that for a few weeks forced my friends to have to carry me up four flights of stairs in my dorm. My parents never came to my aid (in person) but it was ok. People step up for those in need.</p>
<p>sally305, mono and a foot injury are bad, but neither are life-threatening. S1 went to school 7 hours away and became severely ill in Spring of his freshman year. Ended up he had Type 1 diabetes (his sugars were 890) and his system was shutting down. Believe me we were glad we were within driving distance to get to the hospital as soon as we could. He was never sick before this. Because of this I can see why some parents want their children within driving distance. Did this stop us from letting S2 go to a college 11 hours driving away - no, but it did give us pause. People do step up, but when its serious someone, like a parent, has to be there.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry your son got diagnosed with T1 diabetes. My middle son is diabetic, diagnosed at 10 and he’s had it for 5 years. We are definitely more likely to want him close to home (or at home) during his college years unless we really see a stepping up in the self-management in the next 2 1/2 years.</p>
<p>Our oldest son is 3000 miles away at college. It’s hard, particularly when difficult events happen (like this past week as my son is an MIT student); however, he is so happy and thriving and he loves his school and friends. He chose well; he chose a good fit and I can’t fault him for that. It wasn’t my first choice at all but I’m very happy for him and support his decision.</p>
<p>Ooo, good point, ucb. Our youngest is 8. He’ll begin college when I’m 60 and my husband is 65. We might need him close by, yes, though, Lord willing, we’ll both still be fairly healthy and productive. Still, something to think about for sure…</p>
<p>Fidoprincess, My son could not make up his mind and decided with 5 minutes to go on May 1st! After the fact when he could look back and talk about why he was so indecisive he said, he liked both choices and was afraid he would make the wrong choice. In the end 7 day a week meal plan trumped the 5 day a week 2 meals a day plan. Go figure! Good luck, sounds like there are no bad choices!</p>
<p>kjcphmom–technically, no, a parent doesn’t HAVE to be there even for the worst illness, a parent my WANT to be there, but legally, there isn’t anything you can do for your child anyway. If your child is 2000 miles away and ends up on death’s door, I’m sure you will find a way to get to that child, even if it means borrowing money to get a plane ticket. It’s really a non-issue----coming from the parent of a child with a chronic medical condition…</p>
<p>I think kids are more worried about picking the “wrong” school vs picking the “right” school. Make sure they understand that there are no wrong choices here. They did their research, they applied to these schools for a reason. They will be FINE with which ever school they pick. Use the “if you had to choose RIGHT NOW” which one is it. The first school that comes to mind is probably the one they want.</p>
<p>^^^You are right, a parent doesn’t have to be there legally. He was 18, but a scared kid none-the-less. The worst part of him being 18 was helping him as he was now considered an adult. The best part of him getting a chronic illness when he was no longer “a child” is that he had to take ownership of it and deal with all its ramnifications. No matter their age they are always your child and you always worry. sbjdorlo, your 15 year old may do a lot of growing up between now and leaving for college and will be fine. I am so sorry he has had to deal with Type 1 too.</p>
<p>Also SteveMA, I do agree with you that most kids are worried about picking that wrong school. Its nice when they have 2 or more “right schools” to choose from as they really can’t be wrong.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to reassure our students that there’s truly no “perfect school” that must be puzzled out and chosen, or otherwise face great disappointment and long-term personal challenge/defeat. The May 1 decision shouldn’t be defined as “do or die”. There are many great choices within the specific categories and school ranking “tiers”, and our kids need to understand this. Sometimes there seems to be too much CC emphasis on strategizing the absolute most worthy “best choice”, which places undo pressure on our kids.</p>
<p>^This is so true. I use the analogy of buying a house. </p>
<p>I’ve told my S’s that when we moved to CT we had to choose between 3 houses in different neighborhoods/communities. There was no ONE house our family would have been happy in–all three were great, but offered differences in experiences. Same is true with colleges.</p>
<p>sbjdorlo–no-you don’t “need” him close by and to saddle a college student with the burden of caring for ailing parents is not fair to him. You plan for that eventuality on your own-you live in a house where you can maintain mobility, you get long term care insurance so you can have in-home care if needed, you have a private disability insurance plan to make up for lost wages that your group plan doesn’t cover, etc., etc.</p>
<p>My oldest had a hard time deciding and in the end we realized that she had decided but since her first choice wasn’t my first choice that was what was holding her back. </p>
<p>My youngest is a HS senior and also got a Regents Scholarship to UC Berkeley (but not engineering). For us, the financial aid packages from the other UC’s were do-able if he loses the Regents. Plus Berkeley has the Middle Class Access plan which caps middle class parents contribution at 15% of their income.</p>
<p>When I was in my second year as a dance major, I was living on the second floor of a two story house renting a room. I tore my cartilage in class, had major surgery (back then, they repaired cartilage), and had a full leg cast on for two month. Of course my mom drove the 7 hours to my school to come help me and bring me home for a quarter. I could not have managed on my own, nor did anyone (doctors, school, etc) expect me to. I am thankful my parents were always there for me in emergencies.</p>
My middle son is diabetic, diagnosed at 10 and he’s had it for 5 years. We are definitely more likely to want him close to home (or at home) during his college years unless we really see a stepping up in the self-management in the next 2 1/2 years.</p>