<p>I think that parents of “healthy non-disabled” children tend to blame themselves, Cardinal Fang. I do (ADHD and it had to be something I did while pregnant or something I did or didn’t do while she was a baby or something I fed her or SOMETHING). Right. So not sure what’s WRONG with a parent whose children all turned out pretty good to take the credit. Even with the food thing - my mother would be yelling at the article saying, “That’s right! That’s right! My kids ATE WHAT I COOKED OR STARVED!” (Yes we did, or at least until the next meal).</p>
<p>They’re taking the credit for being lucky, that’s what’s wrong with it.</p>
<p>And yet people do it (take credit for being lucky) all the time, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that we should slice and dice this family for doing it. They sound like most parents I know (got it mostly right and happy to have done it, thought they might have something to share about how they did it so did that too).</p>
<p>I just am not sure why it’s notable. They wanted a large family, so they acted accordingly and carried it out. Other people want small families, so they act accordingly and carry that out too. Some people want to raise their kids in the middle of the city, so they do that. Other people want to raise their kids in the country, so they do that. I don’t think anyone deserves either praise or censure for simply doing what they wanted to do in the first place. I think what’s odd is the assumption that having a large family is desirable in the absolute, as opposed to simply a choice that is of interest to some and of no interest to others.</p>
<p>The rule about forcing kids to eat their most disliked food first or eat nothing is what turned me against this family’s approach to child rearing. Children are people. Like adults, they have genuine food aversions. It’s fine to insist a disliked food be tried at reasonable intervals, since preferences change over time, and it’s imperative that kids eat a healthful diet, but to insist a child ingest a hated food is just controlling and cruel–and pointless. I don’t believe forcing a child to eat food they hate has anything to so with promoting broad tastes as an adult, notwithstanding this father’s certainty otherwise. My nephew seemed to subsist on cucumbers for years, but grew up to be a normal adult who eats a wide range foods; nonetheless, you won’t see my brother proselytizing for the cuke diet.</p>
<p>I agree that the article oozes smugness. Only a smug, self-satisfied parent who thinks the world should be aware of his superior child rearing techniques would even consider writing an article like this. He’s right in the same league as Tiger Mom Amy Chua who, by the way, managed to be obnoxious with only two kids to talk about–so please don’t assume that negative reactions here are just the expression of some awful prejudice against big families.</p>
<p>Sometimes my H and I will feel smug that our kids are doing so well. And then we remember how lucky we are. That we could have done exactly the same thing we did, and we know people who’s kids were raised very similar to ours and they have challenges that ours didn’t. </p>
<p>We felt like we did do things to help the kids succeed. We made choices that we felt were best for our family. It worked out well for us. Lots of luck involved too.</p>
<p>Humility is a great asset.</p>
<p>The father taking credit for the kids’ normal weight was also a big stretch. Obesity is heritable; we know that from adoption studies that adoptee’s weight is correlated with their bio parents but not their adoptive parents. If the father had adopted 12 kids from 24 different bio parents, and none of the kids had turned out to be overweight adults, that would be notable. But that genetically thin parents have genetically thin children, meh, it’s like congratulating yourself on your kids’ height or hair color.</p>
<p>While I agree that body type is inherited, I’ve observed that children learn eating habits and attitudes toward food (reward, punishment, temptation, etc.) from their parents. I’ve seen that overweight parents tend to overfeed their kids. (“I’M hungry, so YOU must be ready for a yummy snack too!”) Healthy eating and exercise habits can be part of a “family culture” and do contribute to maintaining a healthy weight–not just good genes.</p>
<p>I agree that I haven’t seen many Mormon families eat much junk food.
Im wondering what sort of storage facilities they have though.
My sister has a huge amount of space dedicated to the years’ worth of food and supplies that every family must have.
You would need another house to keep all that for 14 people!</p>
<p>The rule about forcing kids to eat their most disliked food first or</p>
<p>?</p>
<p>Wouldn’t kids quickly learn not to SAY what their most disliked for is?</p>
<p>Mine would. “Mom, I hate ice cream.” LOL!</p>
<p>^^
True, seems odd the father seems proud of a parenting technique designed to encourage lying.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t employ the tactic personally, but I don’t think not telling a disliked food, or redirecting attention would be very effective. Most moms I know come equipped with a highly developed sixth sense to figure these things out. No verbal cues needed, body language screams much louder and kids aren’t great at disguising that. I know my fellow CC’ers possess this gift. 
(and I’m sure Mrs Thompson did as well)</p>
<p>I’m another of those who was put off by the dad’s smugness, not the family size. I found myself wanting to write a spoof journal from the point of view of the mother with entries like,</p>
<p>“Hubby took off at dawn for the annual hiking trip. I’ll have the next 4 days alone in a tent with 3 kids in diapers. Spent the morning with my friend Jack Daniels while the kids ate dirt. Spent most of the afternoon barfing. Dang. Wonder if I’m pregnant again.”</p>
<p>“Hubby has set me up with an online course in advanced physics so I can tutor little Jack through his AP. I can do the class between 11 and midnight and still have plenty of time to get 4 1/2 hours of sleep!”</p>
<p>“Hoped to replace the old car with a new used one but the insurance bills for the kids’ 6 cars all came due at the same time. Oh well, if the Volvo made it to 200,000 miles it can make it to 300,000!”</p>
<p>“Katie threw up her dinner yet again and the mysterious rash around her mouth just won’t go away. Now she’s refusing to eat all white or brown foods. Googling food allergies + eating disorders. Hubby says it’s all in her imagination as this family does not, repeat not, have any food allergies.”</p>
<p>I’m happy to see this family doing so well but a dose of humility would have gone a long way. The author doesn’t seem to recognize how lucky he was to have smart, athletic, healthy, neurotypical kids.</p>
<p>I kind of imagine this father to be patting himself a little too liberally on the back when the majority of this rearing was done by someone else - and likely with a little more leeway when dear old papa was out working at his high power career. Sure, chores, that’s swell. Build your own car, interesting. Do a sport, good idea. Force feed kids most hated food or starve…wait, maybe that was a bit too far? I have 4 kids, always think that may have stretched our senses a bit thin but 12 kids - that poor woman who puts up with this pompous jerk of a husband, taking credit for “raising” this horde! Thank God they have mostly moved out and can create whatever type of family they want - maybe a little more moderate and probably with a great deal of therapy about why “Dad never loved them.” Father of the year.</p>
<p>The dad seems to be suffering from Everyone Else is Just Like Us Syndrome. Everyone Else Is Just Like Us, except our parenting was superior! And moerderin seems to have a touch of the same thing: “Plus, who wouldn’t want a car at that age! [age 16],” he writes.</p>
<p>Everyone is not like you, moerderin. Lots of kids wouldn’t want a broken car at age 16. Or any car. If my parents had given me a broken car at that age, it would have sat in the driveway for years, untouched. If I had given my son a broken car at age 16, it would be rusting untouched in our yard right now. You like cars, but not everyone else does. You are genetically thin (I’ve seen the pictures) but not everyone else is. You are neurotypical, with no food allergies, but not everyone else has the same luck. </p>
<p>The life the Thompson family led when the kids were young sounds fine. The smugness now I find less appealing.</p>
<p>Our dad was very present in our lives and upbringing. Who do you think taught us how to work on cars? Was at most if not all of our sporting events? Eating dinner with us nightly? I take great offense to the fact that you assume he was not there and that mom did it all. Dad was driving us around and taking care of us the same as mom. He did not work weekends. He did not work holidays. Sure he had as you say, “a high powered career”, but his family ALWAYS came before his career. He missed many a meetings to go to swim meets, bb games, fb games, and track meets. He was and is amazing at what he does so his work allowed for that.</p>
<p>I am proud of the family I come from. I am proud of my parents. And I am proud of my siblings. We have drs, lawyer, PhD in mathematics, engineers, biology majors, computer majors and anthropology majors. We worked hard, got jobs, took loans, and got scholarships.</p>
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<p>Great observation. This reminds me of exactly how I feel about Dr. William Sears, who prattles on about how it’s so important that women give up their careers and outside interests and be attached to their babies 24 / 7 – which he did from the security of his office as a pediatrician, while his wife did the heavy lifting of their many kids (one of whom is special needs). Yes, easy for you to say that women should give up intellectual interests – didn’t see you do it, buddy.</p>
<p>CardinalFang (#198) - that’s it, exactly. And he trivializes the experience of those who have to worry about our children having an anaphylactic reaction from eating walnut dust.</p>
<p>Sue22, love your journal!!</p>
<p>Congratulations to you and your family. Parents did a great job. I am envious.</p>