<p>Digi, from observation, I think there are at least a couple of largish clumps of very similar parents here on CC. I suspect that the same kind of self-selection process that works for the students here works for the parents as well.</p>
<p>One of the most interesting data to me is the number of very long marriages. Very few disclosed divorces, single moms much rarer than in real life, single dads virtually non-existent.</p>
<p>Some of the educational biases are what you’d expect.</p>
<p>TheDad (continuing on this hijack?), I have often noticed the very long marriage element here. I’m guessing I qualify, with 22 years. However, <em>full disclsoure</em> I have been divorced. Always wondered if I’d be “found out” here, as I sometimes refer to H college experience meaning H#1 instead of DH. Do you think there are others with this cc double life?</p>
<p>TheDad and Jmmom:</p>
<p>I think some of the common traits are related. For example, I read somewhere (maybe on CC?) that only 10% of the students at Ivys come from families of divorce – although that sounds too low to me. I think that parents who aren’t dealing with the difficulties of divorce, or those who have been in very long-term relationships (approaching our 25th anniversary!!!) have the time and energy to devote to this whole application process. So it’s usually that subset who is able to spend the time researching colleges that find CC and spend time posting, I think. Who else but a bunch of middle-aged, somewhat obsessive, parents would spend time on this board instead of watching the latest TV hit? Also, in real life, I find it hard to connect with parents who are as focused on this process with our kids as I am.</p>
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otoh, is it possible to hijack a thread whose main focus is a coffee klatch? :p</p>
<p>SJ Mom - you might have heard that from me! </p>
<p>I’m the child of divorced parents - never remember them being married. Both are currently remarried. Most of my friends at school & law school have married parents. I was fortunate to have avoided some of the mess of divorces - college got paid for (albeit with a lot of fighting and issues), so I didn’t have to sacrifice undergrad. IMO, that’s the biggest issue. As for CC in general - what single parent (Kirmum and Calmom aside - the lawyer moms?) can really devote all this time to their children? If they are married, do their spouses or newer children somehow strain their time?</p>
<p>Side note: The NYT has a lot of editorials today about divorce and the effect on children. Intersting that a ton of psychologists said that divorce v. married parents is a bad comparison - try divorce v. miserable parents.<br>
<a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/08/opinion/l08divorce.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/08/opinion/l08divorce.html</a></p>
<p>Sorry I missed the coffee ktatch. I don’t drive much on the freeways! I am good through the tunnel and into the east bay. I would have liked to meet you all. I may be back for good in the next year. Wasn’t the fall soooo beautiful? What a wonderful place to live! I loved being in the bay for that time of year. It has been years and years for me. It brought back my childhood of wood burning and wet grass and dropping leaves. But the maples they have planted! Warm weather and reds, yellows and orange on the trees. Bless Northern California!</p>
<p>Oh yes, and for all the single parents out there: we do a hell of a good job!</p>
<p>
Are you <em>sure</em> you were in Northern California and not northern New England? What about the Golden Hills? which looked like brown, dead hills to me until I “got it.”</p>
<p>overseas–where were you exactly? I guess I see a few yellow leaves on trees here and there–juxtaposed next to a palm tree usually.</p>
<p>Berkeley, Lafayette,…beautiful.</p>
<p>I didn’t see the golden hills since the leaves and their colors threw me off. I didn’t expect it. I have never seen it and I grew up in the east bay many moons ago when yellow hills were it.</p>
<p>Me too, overseas. It was horse pasture, horse pasture, horse pasture, Sun Valley Mall. Now it’s McMansion, McMansion, McMansion…</p>
<p>Hey, SB, you know the district! But they have planted maples! It is truly amazing.</p>
<p>Better than Santa Maria on 101 where it is now broccoli, broccoli, housing tract, broccoli, broccoli…</p>
<p>But at least we <em>HAVE</em> fresh broccoli! My S is in Boston pining for fresh CA produce. I told him to suffer for his choice, and to consider grad school on the left coast. ;)</p>
<p>PS: It took me a LONG time after moving here to get the hang of what passes for “seasons” here. The hillsides getting green in winter and brown in summer was just not intuitive. (I was told that I could consider myself a Californian when I got to the point where I referred to them as “golden” and not “brown”. I’m not there yet. 
)</p>
<p>
I’m sure you do! I just think it’s got to be a lot harder.</p>
<p>Overseas, ITA. Fall is my favorite time of year in the Bay Area, and Lafayette has some breathtaking Fall color. Best ones are at the Lafayette Resevoir. I think it’s because of the talented folks over at Orchard Nursery who supply everybody in town with beautiful trees. :)</p>
<p>As Maria von Trapp used to say, “The hills are alive!” I love them in the Spring, when they’re chartreuse, and in the summer time, if you get away from the malls and the SUV’s, everything smells like hay. For some reason, the sound of the wind blowing through the dry, yellow grass makes developers want to build houses on it. ;)</p>
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</p>
<p>sjmom2329
Anyone who is in the process of a difficult life change - divorce, job change, grieving, etc. is likely to have less time to research and obsess about college apps, but I really do think you’ve gone off track here. First, let me come out as happily divorced and with an amicable relationship with my sons’ father. Lets also not confuse long marriages with happy, well-functioning marriages. I’m sure there are plenty of people in long marriages who have time and energy to research colleges as they aren’t talking much with their spouse.</p>
<p>As for the Ivy statistic, one really needs to look at the whole picture with respect to admissions and financial aid, etc. as divorce and single-parenthood often has a devastating financial impact.</p>
<p>Lastly, the NYT article was interesting. I’d like a copy of the questionaire so I could run it by my kids. I thought the question/issue about being a different person at each house was an interesting one. I do wish there was more coverage about divorced families (or as I like to describe us as 'a two-household family) that work. There are divorced parents who absolutely want the best for their children, and put their own differences aside, so they can be effective parents</p>
<p>
[quote]
For some reason, the sound of the wind blowing through the dry, yellow grass makes developers want to build houses on it. [/unquote]As a near-native, Slugg, I can only say You go girl. Here’s to the long defunct golden hills of the California East Bay…</p>
<p>Oh God! Old age! I can’t remember how to quote…</p>
<p>When I was growing up in Lamorinda, one of the weekend rituals I did with my father was to plant trees. We’d go to the nursery, buy a tree, take it to some bare land he owned (I think it was Happy Valley Rd? - in Lafayette) and plant the tree; then we’d water the other ones we’d planted before. Also planted some trees in what is now Orinda Woods. Groves of towering pine trees there now, that my Dad & I planted 30 and 40 years ago.</p>
<p>Orchard Nursery-- know it well; another family ritual was going to see the Christmas tree displays there.</p>