<p>We’re in a similar situation in my house. S’s first choice offered him zero scholarship, and is extremely expensive. He has very good scholarship offers from three other schools, all of which we could manage to pay for and all of which are very anxious to have him. I’ve warned him repeatedly throughout this process that he can’t count on #1 school, and that they are known for being stingy with merit money and financial aid, but he has instead chosen to believe what he hears from the rumor mill that some students have received great scholarships there. I’ve reminded him time and time again that his other schools are excellent choices. But now that #1 school has told him there is no scholarship for him, rather than write the school off since they obviously do not want him as badly as the other schools do, he has chosen to believe he can do whatever it takes and just make it happen. Unfortunately “whatever it takes” would have to include his parents living their old age in penury repaying PLUS loans that would aggregate to more than we paid for our house. He thinks he can just “get loans” himself for whatever amount of money we won’t or can’t pay, and that he’ll somehow work out a way to repay them. Of course neither is true, he can’t qualify for an unlimited amount of loans (not without us as co-signers), and couldn’t possibly repay them if he did. He does work, sometimes as much as 30 hours a week, but that would seem to be impossible with a music major’s schedule and even if it were possible, it’s still just a drop in the bucket toward the cost of #1 school.</p>
<p>His voice teacher has only added to the problem by insisting the teacher he would study with at #1 school is world-class, far and away the best choice and offers him the best possible opportunity for a career, despite the extraordinary price tag. So S is angry with me because I refuse to throw caution to the wind and mortgage all of our futures, I’m angry with him for refusing to accept that sometimes we don’t get to have our #1 choice and good enough is good enough, and I’m angry with his voice teacher for supporting him in pursuing this fantasy instead of encouraging him to be responsible. I thought we’d be celebrating at this point in the year and instead we’re all just angry. He’ll make a choice by May 1, and if it can’t be his #1 school, I imagine he will do everything possible to make himself miserable at whatever school he does attend, to “prove” that only #1 school was a viable choice.</p>
<p>Sorry for the rant, and for the OP, I’ll offer the same advice that my own S ignores. You can’t always get exactly what you want. You DO have options. Make an affordable choice that you can live with. It won’t ruin your life, or your career, while taking on enormous debt could do just that.</p>